Are you honest when commenting on names in real life?

[Abrakatabra]

Has it ever happened to you to think "what an awful name, poor kid" and then say to the parents "aww lovely name"?

I named one of mine an unusual choice of name-it’s not really out there but isn’t in the top 100
My mother found out when the child was born,rang all her mates to tell them and came back to me to tell me how awful they all thought it was and how the child would be bullied and teased
I told her to keep her beak out and that she had some very bad mannered friends (some of their choices for their children where very dated)
My own friends where very polite and said it was a lovely name-if they hated it nobody said anything
Never heard another word about it from her side-and no bullying about the name over the last 18 years

Yes, I say something vague like 'how lovely' whatever I think of the name - it's safest.

There aren't many names I strongly dislike and those I do are usually because they have a negative association, not because there's anything wrong with the name in itself.

The thing about posting on a baby names board is that you are inviting honest comments. There’s no need to practice socially acceptable white lying on there.

In real life, it’d be rude to comment on the hideous name someone else has chosen. Mostly you’d just not comment on the name at all. It’s perfectly acceptable to respond to ‘he’s called Brian’ with ‘hasn’t he got lovely eyes’ or another form of misdirection. You don’t even need to lie. If asked directly about the name, then you’d just avoid saying it’s horrible: ooh, it’s got a retro feel to it.

I’ve lived my entire life with a properly hideous first name. I don’t need anyone to pretend it isn’t dreadful or that there’s a good reason no one uses it any more.

Like others I will be polite and say "Aww, lovely", or "Oh that's different, how pretty" etc, but I wouldn't gush about it if I didn't like it.

Of course not.

And this is a major reason why mums-to-be are frequently advised to never reveal their baby's name until they're born.

I think it is good to give an honest opinion on the board, and often you will see the same responses by several posters

Some names are divisive with roughly 50:50 liking it and disliking it.

Some are of the 'We really like Firstname, is it too unusual?' type threads, where the response is that it is very popular in most areas, or 'go to darkgreener - it's currently on a steep rise'

[quote Pembertonrd]@JenniferWooley my dd is pregnant and I've told her to keep all names to herself because of judgy people like you.[/quote]

I don't go around spouting my honest opinion to other people about their baby name choices but I'm certainly not going to lie to my own DD & say I like a name when I don't, I think she's got a fairly good idea of my taste in names given I named her & her siblings.

In all honesty, I couldn't give a shit what other people call their kids as it makes no difference to my life - my grandchild on the other hand I have a vested interest in his name.

Always say what I think on MN, always polite IRL.

Nope. I don’t say a word. I might internally think “what the fuck?! Poor kid” but no I don’t say anything

The last one I saw that made my eye twitch was Reighful….pronounced like rifle. I’m guessing American

No, you never say a word. My own step daughter has the most god awful name. My husband adores it and describes it as "beautiful" on a very regular basis.

For all these years, I have never done anything other than lightly agree with him. I'm not effusive but I'm not neutral either.

Other people say it's awful and I actively disagree with them. Even though I want to say "I know! It's hideous!"

I will take this secret to my grave. It means so much to him, it's someone's actual name, and I could never take it back once it's been said. You just don't say.

RosesAndHellebores

My name's an Arabella genre but more unusual. Good manners never stopped people from making comments - notably teachers and nurses.

I’m a teacher and I’ve heard them all. The good, bad and ridiculous and I’ve never made any comments. I wouldn’t be so rude. However my teacher friends and I (different schools) have a competition privately every September to see who has the child with the worst/most ridiculous name in our respective classes. I wish I dare share.

I tend to say, "Oh! He/she's lovely!" So it's not outright lying but saying something positive about the baby.

I think that's why people get so huffy on babyname threads because people are more honest about what they really think which just doesn't happen in RL. (Unless you have seriously rude friends!)

Yes I lie. How rude to tell someone you don’t like the name, their kid, their choice, no one else’s opinion matters.

I know some teachers who do that too.

My teacher friends were really picky with names for their children and had opinions on naughty boy/mean girl's names. Their children tend to have quite safe names

Obviously I don't know all teachers and my friends do not represent any MNers, to my knowledge

My mother pulls zero punches on names. It's crystal clear if she thinks you've made a mistake - but is also honest about the fact that her opinion is irrelevant because it's the parent, not her who will need to repeat the name half a million times before they turn 6.

I opt for a more diplomatic approach and the worst I've commented is "That's an interesting name, what inspired you?" that was for a baby being called Ananias which I could neither pronounce nor spell...apparently biblical

I thought Ananias was pineapple in Russian.

[off to google]

I do find though that names grow on me when you know the child. We have an absolute plethora of Evies and Amelias in my school and without exception they are all poppets so I have come to really like those names.

Aaah. Ananas is pineapple in Russian. Ananias apparely means God has been gracious. I assumed it was a girl's name, but seems not.

(Both my biblical and Russian knowledge is apparently rubbish!)

If I don't hate it, I say I love it. If I really dislike it I say nothing.

I am generally a very honest person but also know when to be polite and diplomatic. When someone is telling you the name of their baby, it's one of those times! I wouldn't lie though and say it's lovely.

If I was close to someone who was expecting a baby and genuinely wanted opinions on their name shortlist, I would tell them what I thought (but would try and be polite and diplomatic), but otherwise I would tread very carefully and keep my opinions to myself.

I have two children and both times, DH and I chose the names but kept them to ourselves, precisely so that we could avoid comments from interfering people especially his family.

@ArtemisDarling

Aaah. Ananas is pineapple in Russian. Ananias apparely means God has been gracious. I assumed it was a girl's name, but seems not.

(Both my biblical and Russian knowledge is apparently rubbish!)

Yep, I got all of it wrong in my head. Sounded feminine, distinctly out of our cultural 'norm' (South Wales, small village). Not a name I expected to hear for boy where 'Dai the milk' is still a recognised way of differentiating between the variety of David's.

At least you thought it might be a Russian pineapple, I was utterly without reference.

I once clicked on a thread on here that was for my actual name that I am called in real life. It's an unusual but not unheard of name.

A handful of people said it was lovely but most people said it was "frilly" "too posh" "pretend posh" "stupid" "hideous" "made [them] do a sick in their mouths" "sounded like a pornstar" "sounded like a tampon" and "a good name for a handbag dog"

One person said it sounded like a good name for Prince Andrew's third daughter. Which didn't offend me so much at the time... 😅

Next time I saw a thread with my name on, I didn't click it.

The point is, we'd all rather not know.

My own step daughter has the most god awful name. My husband adores it and describes it as "beautiful" on a very regular basis.

But that's the thing - a name is not objectively nice or awful. It's very subjective and we all have different tastes.

@PeeAche

I once clicked on a thread on here that was for my actual name that I am called in real life. It's an unusual but not unheard of name.

A handful of people said it was lovely but most people said it was "frilly" "too posh" "pretend posh" "stupid" "hideous" "made [them] do a sick in their mouths" "sounded like a pornstar" "sounded like a tampon" and "a good name for a handbag dog"

One person said it sounded like a good name for Prince Andrew's third daughter. Which didn't offend me so much at the time... 😅

Next time I saw a thread with my name on, I didn't click it.

The point is, we'd all rather not know.

But the people who think it’s lovely are just as likely to be right as the ‘hideous’ tribe — these things are so subjective. I recognise that I am in a minority in loathing the very commonly-used name George, but I’m not ‘wrong’ to loathe it — it’s just not to my taste, like fennel, Kate Atkinson novels and cold-shoulder tops..

I think people have deliberately tried to communicate to me with pauses that they don't like my DD's name. I thought it was classic. It was her father's choice more than mine, bit of an overlap in our tastes. It wasn't my taste really. But it's not a wtf name but when she was small and I was telling people her name I got a few ''oh, my, well's that's ....safe'' and comments like that! From a woman who called her DD1 Ruby, which is lovely but so popular. My friend's mother not my friend told me that Sarah chose Amelia because she wanted something that was ''a bit different'' and I felt (rightly or wrongly) that she was implying that Sarah chose a better name than i did! The name I gave my dd is more popular in our generation but it's not exactly common. Amelia was #1 for years, and still is I think.

So even when people cannot hide their criticism, I just think ''they know jack shit''.

But given how relatively conservative my DC's names are and the comments I've still had, I wonder how sensitive people with children called Zebedee and Fir3enze cope.

@Blubells

My own step daughter has the most god awful name. My husband adores it and describes it as "beautiful" on a very regular basis.

But that's the thing - a name is not objectively nice or awful. It's very subjective and we all have different tastes.

Ha ha I'd love to know what the name is! That two people alike enough to get married can have such a polarised view of it!