Asian or English names?

[ScottyDog7]

So DP is Pakistani by birth, raised Muslim but has identified as atheist for all adult life. Has 2 DSs from previous relationship (ex wife also Pakistani Muslim) and DSs has his surname, and "Muslim" names although more Turkish (I think).
I'm pregnant. I'm white British. I've always been a bit spiritual but raised and identify as agnostic.
There's a Muslim version of an angelic name which I LOVE. But my family are a bit at it, as are most of my friends. We are not married, but plan to be in a few years so DC will have DPs surname, which is obviously Asian.
I hate to think it but I worry about racism for my children, and how it may effect their future with an obviously none white British name.
It's making me question not just the first name but also the surname. If the baby is born looking more like one ethnicity than the other, that may have more influence. But then pigment can darken as the baby gets older...
DP is quite light skinned. And I'm pasty white. So we think baby is likely to be on the lighter side.

Also I'm totally blaming pregnancy hormones and lack of sleep for this sudden chain of though/ possibly irration fear. I just want my child/children to have the best and easiest life possible.

If the baby is getting his surname then I’d suggest a British first name. (Maybe with an Asian middle name and your name doubled barrelled to his so you got all the options)

Now I am going to say the mumsnet thing - you should get married pre baby - much better for you and kids financially.

I would find names that work in both cultures and go with the English spelling eg Adam, Zachariah, Laila, Zara etc.

As much as I'd love to get married before the birth thats just not financially possible. Unless we just have a quick sign the paper wedding at the local registry office. Which is not my ideal situation.

I'm not personally a fan of double barreled surnames. But maybe it's an option and can be changed once we're married... DP is pretty laid back about all of it, so it feels like a big responsibility to me at the moment.

We are also a mixed Asian/British family and we went with the Asian surname (DHs surname) and traditional biblical names for both children. DH had previously converted to Christianity, so in that sense the naming choice was easier. We wouldn't have used an Asian first name for these reasons:

• the names from his culture reflect a religion we aren't part of

• we, too, suspected our baby would be lighter skinned/more western looking, and I was a bit worried about being accused of cultural appropriation, as everyone seems to be these days, if I used an Asian name

• we were very aware of racism in the UK, and felt that with a Western name the child would face less racism

• with a Western first name and an Asian surname, the child got one name from each culture instead of two names from one culture

• we both felt uncomfortable giving out child a first name from DH's Asian culture within which DH and I shouldn't even be together and our DC should never have even existed due to the strict traditions and pressure to marry within the culture/religion. It felt wrong to name my child from a culture when many members of that culture would thoroughly disapprove of the very existence of our family!

So yeah. We went Western first name, Asian surname and I feel this was a good decision.

Can you tell us the name you like? Maybe we can help with suggestions?

This isn't about the names, but financially you could be heading into a bigger problem by not getting married before you have the baby. Are you only taking mat leave on full pay and not expecting to make any compromises at work for childcare or similar?

Giving him an 'English' first name and Asian middle name and surname didn't work out quite as planned in the case of Jonathan Romesh Ranganathan

What's the name you've chosen OP?

Plenty of names that would suit both cultures
Adam
Daniel
Zara
Nosh
Sophie
Isla

If you're worried about racism I would suggest giving your child a western name.

Is your DP British?

Will you bring up your child in a british or pakistani culture?

Give the baby your surname and pick up a first name you like.

If you are using a religious name, make sure that you know the meaning and whether or not it is acceptable in both cultures

DP has lived in a few different places, he has siblings and parents in Pakistan. But he applied for and got British citizenship. DP is obviously not, but his family are all practising Muslims.
DC will most likely be raised in England, although we have had discussions of moving but to places such as Canada, Australia, New Zealand.
If it makes any difference his DC from his previous marriage live in an Islamic country. Our DC will be going there a few times a year.

The names I like are of the Islamic angels. Mika’il, Jibra'il or Izra’il. Although less keen on Izra'il. So basically versions of Micheal and Gabriel. I love Gabriel but worry about 'Gay' as a tease at school.
Maybe Micheal is my best bet.

As for marriage or not before the baby comes, and my finances. I have my own business, which I am hoping to somewhat automate and hire an assistant for closer to the due date/some maternity leave.
I also have savings to open a 2nd business once the baby is 6 to 12 months. So I hope to always be financially independent.

Gabriel is a lovely name. I have not heard of Micheal. Is it related to Michael?

I'd use Jibril without the apostrophe, as the arabic doesn't have an apostrophe AFAIK and an apostrophe will be a PITA on forms.

The child should have your surname, especially as your DP has dual nationality.

Should anything go wrong with your relationship, you'll be glad of this. Not saying somehing will, but a baby puts a heck of a lot of strain on a relationship

Sorry for some reason my phone is autocorrecting Michael to ea instead...

I've also thought about giving DC my surname, with a view of changing it to his once we are married. Of course I'm hoping and expecting everything to work out with us, but yes, it could be safer and less of a PITA for me if things don't. My DSis is currently going through similar with her DC with their bio-fathers surname, which the kids hate.

Micheal (fada on the i and a) is an irish name, approx. pron., Mee-hahl.
It was probably a typo upthread

Sorry to be negative, but it's easier all round if DC has the same surname, and of course, it can be changed when you get married

Friend of her friend had her fingers burnt by a DH who had dual nationality. She was married but he buggered off back home

@Palavah

This isn't about the names, but financially you could be heading into a bigger problem by not getting married before you have the baby. Are you only taking mat leave on full pay and not expecting to make any compromises at work for childcare or similar?

Really irrelevant to the post.

that should have said
easier all round if DC has the same surname as their mother

@ScottyDog7

Sorry for some reason my phone is autocorrecting Michael to ea instead...

I've also thought about giving DC my surname, with a view of changing it to his once we are married. Of course I'm hoping and expecting everything to work out with us, but yes, it could be safer and less of a PITA for me if things don't. My DSis is currently going through similar with her DC with their bio-fathers surname, which the kids hate.

I would give them my surname if unmarried. No question.

Rafail is also an angel I think (Raphael) and Rafa or Rafi for short which is fab. Mikhail/Michael is nice as Mika. Gabriel is lovely.

Mixed couples we know (and we are mixed Asian and English/Middle Eastern) have gone for things like

Noah (not Nuh)
Elias
Zak (in various long forms but all known as Zak)
Adam
Sami
Ryan/Rayan
Aaron/Arun
Ari (a Jewish Asian couple)
Daniel/Daniyal

Re: surnames, I think that is personal choice really. I let ours have DH's because his was easier to spell (we are also married). I gave my surname as a second middle name (due to aforementioned spelling ballache).

I've just realised you didn't actually say a boy. Girls we know.

Jenna(h)
Sara (in various Zara, Zarah, Zahra, Saara, Saraah forms)
Selina
Aliyah/Alia (I also know two girls with English parents with this name)
Leila
Tania
Isla/Aiyla/Ayla
Maria
Diana
Dinah
Aida

Completely off topic I was just interested that you described you both as identifying as a follower of something.

Rafail is lovely. Not heard of that as an angel but I like the name. I shall look into that one more. Thank you. And thank you for the lists.
Yes, we don't yet know what we are having.
I prefer the girl names which will work better in both, so boy names are more of a challenge. I want DC to be comfortable and proud of their heritage so it would be nice if we could have a name that works in both. And that both families can easily pronounce

User, I just thought it was somewhat relevant since my DP was raised but not practising Muslim, and I am picking Islamic angle names. I supposed I wanted peoples views on us using them as much as anything else.

I think I will go with my surname, and look at changing once we are married. We have a date set but it's not for 2 1/2 years. So the child will likely not really know their own surname, or even if they do should quickly adapt without it being a problem.

User, I just thought it was somewhat relevant since my DP was raised but not practising Muslim, and I am picking Islamic angle names. I supposed I wanted peoples views on us using them as much as anything else.

Sorry I meant it was interesting you used "identify."
I've never heard as someone identifying as a Muslim.