Baby surname wobble

[NatMoz]

I'm 35 weeks pregnant, married but never changed my surname.

My name is Eastern European. Let's say it's Dobrowskyj, my husband is British, let's say he's Smith.

We don't know the sex of the baby but the girl name we like is not stereotypically English.

We were going to call baby if girl

Yelena Sophia Dobrowskyj (second middle name) Smith

I suppose day to day she would be Yelena Smith but I'm now wondering if it would be better if she was Yelena Dobrowskyj-Smith.

We won't be making up a random surname for the baby (or us) before it's suggested. I am not changing to husband's surname either, I've been married 4 years already and have no plans to.

I don't know if in my situation double barrel would be odd as we're not partners but married

My dds have both my and their dads surname (no hyphen). I have had no issues putting that on their passports etc.

That’s great to know about the separate surnames, thanks everyone. I had always assumed the term double-barrelled meant a hyphen was involved, but it’s good to learn this is not the case.

@Derbee

I think double barrelled surnames are silly. What happens in the next generation? James Smith-Jones-Brown-Johnson? And the one after that? Just choose a surname and don’t over complicate things.

Why don’t you ask all the Spanish people who have been doing this for generations?

You pick one name from each parent and move on. Magic!

I have 3 DC with my DH, all double barrelled as I didn't change my name either.

It sounds like you're having the same discussion/argument now that we had when we married. A key thing for me and dh was my decision not to change my name and what we'd do for our kids

I had to turn the issue round at my dh- he felt similar to yours by the sounds of it. It wasn't until I pointed out that the very thing he was getting so cross about me suggesting (that he give up his name) was exactly what he was expecting me to do without a second thought.

It's a misogynistic double standard. He can choose to buy into it or not.

BUT you can register the kids without him and however you want. If you can't resolve this by mutual agreement then sadly I don't think your marriage will last long (I wouldn't have married my DH if we hadn't been able to agree as it comes down to basic principles about equality for me).

I would use both surnames. You can either out a hyphen in it not. Either way legally both surnames will stand.

@Tal45

I couldn't imagine having to write all that out every time I had to fill out a form. I think double barrelled surnames are ridiculous and often sound pretentious. I'd just stick with your surname.

My double barrelled surname is 8 letters long. My in double barrelled maiden name was 7 letters long... hardly a huge change.

I like my surname which is why I took it when I married my husband.

Yes it can be annoying sometimes when people think we're not married, or a computer says no about the hyphen, but it's our name so tough shit if you don't like it.

Non double barrelled not in double barrelled

The more I think of it taking a man's name feels quite outdated in 2021. I think it's likely to become less and less common place

I'm doing what you're planning too. We've been married 4 years, and I didn't change my name. Nor have I ever had any intention of doing so, and my husband doesn't have a problem with it (honestly I wouldn't have married him if he did). My mum kept her name and we all got my dad's name so it never seemed unusual to me.

I'm planning to give our child (don't know what we're having) my name as a second middle name. Yes I know it'll get lost but at least I'll know it's in there. My name is a short and very common Irish name (and if we have a son no doubt people will not realise it's a surname), and my husband has a longer and unusual Scottish name. The two sound silly double barrelled together, otherwise I might have considered it. I feel strongly about my children having my name in there somewhere, but not enough to argue with my husband over whose surname they get. So this is the compromise. I think I'm more likely to get my way with their first names too (not least because his suggestions so far have been ridiculous) so I'll take my wins where I can get them.