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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Why would you “honour” someone and give their name to a child?

53 replies

Elisemum · 13/09/2021 23:19

Just a general topic for discussion as I’m curious of people’s opinions :) read so many threads here and often seeing people naming their children after a member in their family. Sometimes it ends up in a name they don’t even like for the sake of honouring someone. I have a few amazing people in my family, my grandparents were my world and my everything, i miss them dearly every day and I think about them all the time… however why on earth would I want to give their names to my children? Children deserve to have their own names, they are their own human being with their own life and personality. I can honour my grandparents/parents/FIL/MIl by having their pictures, thinking about them/ talking about them with kids etc but why on earth do people think it’s ok to use their names? Just looking for opinions on this topic:)

OP posts:

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Palavah · 13/09/2021 23:24

Humans have valued lineage and legacy as long as they have had language.

Surnames are passed down. Maiden surnames are passed down as first and middle names. First names are passed down.

People want to belong to something and they want to know that the spirit of people they love will live on in some way.

You don't want to. That's fine. Others do. That's fine too.

Titsywoo · 13/09/2021 23:25

We used some of our grandparents names (or modern versions of) for our DC middle names. We just thought it would be nice for our parents and I don't care too much about middle names tbh!

BabyT20 · 13/09/2021 23:37

I agree with your point on children having their own identity and being their own person.
My middle names are after both of my grandmothers and I love that I have a little bit of them in my name. But my first name is unique within my family.
I in turn did the same for my daughter, we gave her a name that we loved that wasn't a family name. But we then gave her middle names after family members. One of those names was after our first daughter who we sadly lost and we felt that we wanted our second daughter to have a little bit of her big sister with her. My daughters other middle name is my mum's name. Our family as a whole had a tough few years and my mum really held us together and I wanted to show our appreciation, my mum was very touched by the gesture.
It's not for everyone and I know a lot of people just choose names that they like the sound of but for me personally, I like names to have meaning behind them and I like the idea of passing on a little bit of history. Who knows, my daughter may grow up and hate it but the same could be said for anyone's given name!

Blueberry40 · 13/09/2021 23:38

Both my DS’s have their grandad’s name (one from my side and the other from their dad’s) as a middle name. I think it’s a way of honouring and remembering them and gives them a sense of family connection. They have their own first names so don’t miss out on feeling like individuals.

My niece was given the same middle name as me to keep it in the family line as well, I think it’s a lovely thing to do!

Original poster

Elisemum · 13/09/2021 23:42

Thanks everyone, interesting opinions and of course each to their own. I suppose as long as you are happy with the names that’s all it matters. I did read a few posts on here basically saying “oh we wanted to honour parents/grandparent but their name is old fashion/not too nice but we used it anyway” - now that’s the crazy part for me.

OP posts:

SlidDownTheElephantsTrunk · 13/09/2021 23:43

Both of mine have family names as their middle names. I agree that first names should be unique to the child.

Enough4me · 13/09/2021 23:47

My DC have family middle names of living family members and love it. It wasn't to thank my family, it was just to have a lovely connection.

KimDeals · 13/09/2021 23:47

I suppose nobody has their “own name” truly. Every name is already used, and the context of a family handed down name just gives a chosen name even more context. I think it’s an incredibly special thing to do. I did it to my first born and she LOVES the story of her name and legacy

Pinkchocolate · 13/09/2021 23:54

It’s traditional in some cultures. My children have doubled barrelled names and have our parents names as part of them and we love them. They are unique (I’m yet to find anyone with any of their exact names) and of course every child has their own identity but I also love that they are a nod to our tradition and my parents and in laws who I adore.

Kite22 · 13/09/2021 23:55

I agree with you.
Not keen at all on giving a child a name that is associated closely with someone other people close to them remember - it suggests you are expecting the child to be like them, and I'd rather not put that expectation on people.

I do realise there are some families that give the same name to all first born son's etc, again, which I think must be incredibly confusing, but, each to their own.

ditalini · 13/09/2021 23:56

It's cultural for me. It links us down the generations, and across them as cousins often have middle names from the same previous generation, even the same person, and we talk about them and where the names came from.

No need to do things that mean nothing to you, but yes, it was an important part of naming my children, was important to those they were named for, and is important to them.

Verbena87 · 13/09/2021 23:57

My middle name is a family name from the maternal side and I love having it, especially as my surname is my dad’s side. It makes me feel connected to a line of excellent women.

TrevorWithTheWeather · 13/09/2021 23:57

My sons middle name is my DFs first name, my brothers first name (he's passed away, FILs middle name, and also the longer version of DHs name. It just made sense to us, and goes well.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 14/09/2021 00:00

We have 5 DC and each of them has 3 names! They all have family names as well as names that we chose because we like them. I wouldn't have said that we used the names to honour the family members (most of whom were dead when the DC were born) but we chose the names because we like to keep family traditions alive. Youngest DD has the name of my late aunt as a middle name. My aunt died when I was a child and as a four year old it seemed to me that the family dealt with the grief by acting as though she had never existed. Using her name was important to me as a way of saying she was known and loved and remembered.

mobear · 14/09/2021 00:06

My DS has DP’s father’s name as a middle name, which is a name I happen to like anyway (although I would not have otherwise chosen it). FIL is elderly and not in the best of health. We asked him beforehand and he was really moved by the gesture.

DramaAlpaca · 14/09/2021 00:12

I agree with you. There was no way I was giving my children names I don't personally like, and none of the grandparents' names appealed to me at all so we didn't use them. DH wasn't bothered either. DS2 shares DH's middle name though, because I do love that. All the DC have name combinations that we love and sound good.

However, I share my maternal grandmother's middle name and I love that I have that connection to her.

Weegiewtf · 14/09/2021 00:19

A name doesn’t define a baby’s future personality.

maisiedaisy64 · 14/09/2021 00:33

Interesting to hear other’s opinions! I’m onto family history, and you go back hundreds of years and see the same names repeatedly...and then suddenly they stop, and are replaced by something modern. And I find that a bit sad. For example there are 7 generations of men before my dad who had the same name. And my parents named my brother something different, which I think is a shame.

We’re thinking of using family names as first names, possibly some of the child’s grandparents but more likely our grandparents or even further back.

I do wonder though (in fact I know so in some cases) will some family members expect them to act like and have the same personality as their namesake, and make a big fuss about them not getting their ‘own’ name. Which I think is nonsense. A name can’t dictate a personality. But I wonder would it affect a child in that people would expect them to behave like their namesake, and so they change as a result. I don’t know, perhaps I’m overthinking it!!

Pallisers · 14/09/2021 00:36

We gave names we loved to our children and middle names that were those of family members (pretty nice names too though). My children love their names and love that they can say "my middle name is after my grandmother/grandfather etc). If a grandmother had a truly awful name I might have gone to her second name rather than inflicting it even as a middle name.

Most people I know who were named after someone kind of like it - gives a feeling of family maybe or as a pp said a feeling of context.

Milkbottlelegs · 14/09/2021 00:40

Why do people do this?

Maybe because they want to?

What a ridiculous question.

Pallisers · 14/09/2021 00:42

For example there are 7 generations of men before my dad who had the same name. And my parents named my brother something different, which I think is a shame.

See I think that was brave of your parents - takes the pressure off your brother to keep on to the 9th generation. There is no particular good thing about everyone in the family having the same name generation after generation. But it is nice to use names of people who went before. I just wouldn't want it to be a rule that can't be broken.

more than 25 years ago we went out for dinner with 3 other couples - we only knew one of them - the others were friends of theirs. One woman was heavily pregnant. She didn't know the sex of the baby but her husband did (she didn't want to). There was HUGE pressure on her to name him John Edward Smith the 7th - like all the previous elder boys of each generation were called John Edward. his father was called John Edward. She really really didn't want to and it was clear he really really did.

Met up with our friends years later and I asked what happened. Baby was a boy called John Edward Smith. That child's fiancee is probably right now saying "look your mother gave in but I'll be damned it I'll have the choice of my child's name made by someone seven generations back.

MissTrip82 · 14/09/2021 00:44

Just as you can honour your family without passing on a name, a child with a family member’s name can have their own life, personality and interests.

It’s incredible to me that you can’t grasp that.

You really believe that naming a child after a much-loved family member means the child has no life of their own? Really?

Come on.

MorriseysGladioli · 14/09/2021 00:44

I think it's great to call a child after a much loved relative (depending on the name, of course!)

Houseofvelour · 14/09/2021 00:49

My husband's first name has been passed down to the first son for four generations and he hates it but if we'd had a boy, we would have used it as his middle name, out of respect for my husband's family.
We would've picked a different first name though.

sessell · 14/09/2021 00:54

I'm named after an aunt. Never for a second did I feel that I should be like her. I like my name. It's quite unusual. I do meet others from time to time who share it, but each has a different resonance. All of my children have family names too. To me it feels solid and rooted. I like the feeling of connection with grandparents I have loved very much. It also feels like it has more depth than a fashionable name.And it's obvious we are all unique individuals! As pp has said, every name has influences. Just my view.

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