Is this unethical

[Leeloo1233]

My sister is having a girl and would really like to name her daughter a name she really likes and that is in the top 10 names at the moment. However, she knows a girl who few years back lost her baby (stillbirth) and named her this exact name. Apparantely they haven't stayed in touch in years but are in the same whatsapp group as part of a bigger group of childhood friends and might occasionally meet as part of the group (not close enough that they would hang out just them two.) Is it too inconsiderate to even consider this name?

Could she WhatsApp her and say that she knows it was the name of her daughter but is thinking of using it? I can't imagine she's going to say no, but it might be nice to acknowledge her DD.

She should use it. Especially as it's not an obscure name.

If its fairly common, say top 20 I would use it.

Oh missed top 10. Definitely use it then.

Hmm, if I was her I wouldn't.

I wouldn’t.

I wouldn’t personally.

I wouldn’t do it. Technically it’s a popular name so the child’s parents would probably expect to meet other children with the name but still feels a bit off to me.

What does her gut tell her? That is usually the right answer. Is there a variation of the name she could use?

I wouldn't.

Saying that I wouldn’t say it was ‘unethical’. It’s insensitive but not unethical.

I wouldn't use it. I get that it's a top 10 name, but your sister knows this woman and is part of a larger friendship group. The relationship is a bit too close. And the name might raise eyebrows among other members of the group - would your sister want that reaction to her new baby's name?

I appreciate it's hard to let go of a name you've had your heart set on, though.

I think it's fine.

I agree that other people in the friendship group might not though, so she should think about that before she goes ahead.

It's a top 10 name and she isn't in touch with the girl - on that basis I think it's fine to use. If it was an unusual name or if they were closer friends, then I'd say it might be a bit insensitive. But honestly, if it's a top 10 name, she'll be used to hearing it used out and about.

Personally I wouldn’t, but if it was very important to me I think I would give the friend a message to let her know so it’s not dropped on her in a birth announcement or similar as it’s no doubt going to unearth some awful feelings for her. To me if she’s part of a group she talks in regularly and they may meet as part of a bigger group I wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing that every time I spoke about by daughter I could be causing someone upset. Personal opinion though.

Message the friend first to let her know

I personally wouldn't use it.

The friend has lost her baby and that was her babies name. Her name is the only thing that shows she was on earth - for a very short time- and is her identity.

For someone else who is a friend to then use that name for their own child - I think is very insensitive.

I wouldn't use it myself x

They aren't friends anymore havent seen each other for years. They're just acquaintances. I wouldn't bother to mentioned it.

Do you know what ethics are?

Definitely contact the parents first and tell them and acknowledge their baby. It would be very insensitive to use it without direct acknowledgment.

I wouldn't. Maybe if it was a friend of a friend situation, but they're still in contact.

I also wouldn't want people talking negatively about my choice of name for such a sensitive reason.

@Donelurking

Do you know what ethics are?

Insensitive is more accurate but 🤷🏼‍♀️

I wouldn't use it unless it was to honor one of my own family members. In which case I'd contact her and give her a heads up.

Mutual friends might be a bit

@Pingued

Mutual friends might be a bit

It's a very popular name though. I'll bet there is one already with that name among their friends.