Is this unethical

[Leeloo1233]

My sister is having a girl and would really like to name her daughter a name she really likes and that is in the top 10 names at the moment. However, she knows a girl who few years back lost her baby (stillbirth) and named her this exact name. Apparantely they haven't stayed in touch in years but are in the same whatsapp group as part of a bigger group of childhood friends and might occasionally meet as part of the group (not close enough that they would hang out just them two.) Is it too inconsiderate to even consider this name?

It's an acquaintance from a long time ago that she hasn't seen for ages. They don't spend any time together and are clearly not close. The name is in the top 10.
She should use it if she wants to. She doesn't need to make a huge fuss letting the other person know, just maybe a "we've decided to call our baby X. I know that was the name of your daughter so I thought I'd let you know" Acknowledge the fact the other child was called that, but no need to apologize.

I'd directly contact the woman who sadly lost her DD and tell her gently that you've decided to call your dd X , the same name as her DD as it's such a beautiful name.

@MissMissTorrance

I'd directly contact the woman who sadly lost her DD and tell her gently that you've decided to call your dd X , the same name as her DD as it's such a beautiful name.

Please don't do this

@MissMissTorrance

I'd directly contact the woman who sadly lost her DD and tell her gently that you've decided to call your dd X , the same name as her DD as it's such a beautiful name.

No don't do this!

Please don't phone the friend and tell her you have decided to call baby same name.

As I said before the name may be popular but to your sister's friend - that name belongs to her baby who sadly isn't here anymore and her name is part of her identity.

To use that name I feel is deeply insensitive.

Allow her friend to keep this name for her little girl and choose a different name x

She CAN use it. But if she's a nice and kind and considerate person who doesn't want to cause someone pain, then she probably shouldn't.

If she doesn't speak much yo the other woman, it would also be really weird and inappropriate to contact her about it directly. Just do the right thing and don't use it.

@hawkehurstgang

If she doesn't speak much yo the other woman, it would also be really weird and inappropriate to contact her about it directly. Just do the right thing and don't use it.

How is using a popular name that somewhere doesn't speak speak used doing the wrong thing?

Urgh...someone she doesn't speak to ....

Don't know what my autocorrect did there

They're part of the same WhatsApp group and occasionally meet.
Not quite the same as someone you knew years ago but are no longer in touch with.

If she’s part of a wider friendship circle then the birth will be discussed as in oh xx had her baby.
She will see the announcements. I don’t think I could be that cruel to someone I was associated with in a friendship group.

If it was someone she knew from years ago but had no links to now, then maybe.
But this situation too close.
I wouldn’t even consider it.

I don’t even see the rationale to message and ask her. How does that conversation go, I’m pregnant and I want to name my child the same as your little Girl who died.
How is the other mother supposed to respond?

A top 10 name? It wouldn’t even occur to me not to use it, there will probably already be some in her wider family/friends group anyway. A more uncommon name I might think again.

Unless it's a close friend or very obscure then there isn't an issue. I'm in a group with 28 women, I wouldn't be checking names against them all!

1 Olivia 4,082 (0)
2 Amelia 3,712 (0)
3 Isla 2,981 (up 1)
4 Ava 2,946 (down 1)
5 Mia 2,500 (up 1)
6 Isabella 2,398 (up 1)
7 Sophia 2,332 (up 1)
8 Grace 2,330 (up 2)
9 Lily 2,285 (up 4)
10 Freya 2,264 (up 8)

That's an example of the top 10. Chances are this lady knows immediate friends with a child with one of those names.

I would in this case.
I wouldn’t if the person had been an actual friend rather than an acquaintance.

Top 10 name i definitely would. There will be so many kids with those names, they can't expect never to meet another one. If it was an obscure name or a close friend, I would think differently.

@MissMissTorrance

I'd directly contact the woman who sadly lost her DD and tell her gently that you've decided to call your dd X , the same name as her DD as it's such a beautiful name.

I really wouldn't do this. For a start its not true, she hasn't decided to call her that because its the same name as her DD. Its just a coincidence.

Don't contact her but coming from the other side of this ds2 was born 24 years ago and his heart condition was incompatible with life. When I have heard of another Alexander arriving it has always pleased me.

Names are there for all to use and none of us own them.

We had the other side of this thread, from parent of the stillborn child... about 3 weeks ago?

Thread was almost unaminous that the name shouldn't be used, was crassly insensitive to do so. I was in the minority on that one, though, don't ask me to explain that side.