Do you think you can sort of 'force' a nickname?

[ArsendLupin]

For boys we quite like a particular short nickname but wouldn't want that as the full name and we can't agree on a name that it 'naturally' derives from. I want a longer name where the first and last letters contract into the nickname.

As an example imagine the nickname was Ben. We didn't like Benjamin, but we liked Bevan - shortened to Ben. (Bevan is not the name )

Is that just daft? DH thinks nicknames should naturally be the starting sound of the name (ie Bev for Bevan) and people will use that. I think we can encourage any nickname we like, if we just use it from birth (ie Kit for Christopher)

Ps we have agreed we're not giving the nickname as the full name - we both want a longer name as the given name.

Absolutely you can. I’ve been known for over 40 years by a nick name which is nothing to do with my name, it’s not a shortening of it, it’s not even a name!

I think you can yes. I know a little Loulou, I don’t know what her given name is, something like Amelia

So you want a full name for nobody to call the baby, but just to be a 'formal' name while he goes by a nickname that isn't really associated with the full name?

You could always just put the full name on the birth certificate but introduce the baby as the nickname and not tell them the formal name. Or mention it in passing but stress the nickname will be his used name.

I think the baby needs to be introduced as ‘nickname’ from day one of you really want people to stick to it and use it. They can have a full or different official name but you don’t need to mention this if you really don’t want people using it all the time.
We did this with my ds. He has a name that we thought might be too young and cute for an adult but used it from day one. He has the option to use his official name if he prefers. (So introduce him as Alfie but official name is Alfred, only issue is new teachers every September call him ‘Alfred’ but that’s not a big deal).

You just tell people his name is Ben. He will think his name is Ben, he will tell people his name is Ben. There is a space on nursery and school forms for ‘known as’.

Just seems a bit pointless having a longer name for the birth certificate in that case.

As above. If the child is introduced from birth with the nickname ("this is Bob" (as opposed to "Rob/Robert") then yes.
Though the only one I actually know has a nickname that's so far from the original that I've always wondered why they bothered with the original and didn't go with the nickname. (Name is Thomas, nickname is 3 letters that nobody would ever associate with Thomas and contains only a T from the original!)

Yes exactly you have to introduce him as eg "Welcome Derek "Deedee" Smith, born today 8lb. We already love Deedee so much" from day one, amd then only call him the nickname. Although query if it's really a nickname in this type of example, it's actually a name I suppose. Nicknames to me tend to evolve and people also use their longer name. But whatever, you can if you're clear

Excellent that's what I wanted to hear! Thanks.

I agree we just introduce him as Ben from day one and only mention in passing his name is Bevan and write on the forms he's known as Ben. If anyone thinks it's a strange contraction I don't really care!

I know some people use nicknames as the full name but I like the idea of having the longer name available to him.

Maybe it will be a girl anyway!

I know a child known by the nickname, infact the mother claims she 'hates' the full name, yet they put it on the birth certificate?!
But they introduced child as nickname front the start so it's fine. I just don't understand why they put the full name on the birth certificate?!

I have a Ben - that's what's on his birth certificate

You can definitely use a nickname from birth and it will probably stick while they’re young but they might not necessarily go by that nickname forever. They’ll also probably be called by the full name in school quite a lot. So as long as you like the full name enough too

A lot of these kids decide to go by their real full name at some point, or even another variation. So your little “Ben” might decide as a teen to be “Bevan” or even “Van”. There are a LOT of parents out there who are the only people calling their kid the name of their choice. I always think this on MN - your little “Kit” may well evolve into a hated “Chris”.

They won’t be known by the full name at school if you fill in the forms properly. Our school lists look like this: surname, first name (known as) and there are a couple of bracketed people in each class, they are only ever referred to as their ‘known as’ nameThere are also people like: Smith, Frederick who everyone calls Fred but they are Frederick on school communications, reports etc because their parents didn’t fill in the known ‘as option’. A surprisingly large number of children change what they like to be called too!

My cousins were/are (actual names) Tom, Kate and Harry. That is what it said on their birth certificates. They were not shortenings of the more usual longer versions. I recall this being specifically their birth cert names only because it created some discussion among the older family members (40 years ago) but then everyone just got on with it.

We did this.

When I texted people to announce dd’s birth-

“Elizabeth Jane Smith was born today at 4:42pm. Libby is beautiful and doing really well.”

On official nursery and school forms:-
Elizabeth (Libby) Smith

On absolutely everything else:-
Libby Smith.

We do really like Elizabeth though - just like Libby even more!

Yes - will definitely make sure we like the longer version as well in case that ends up getting used.

Just introduce him as Ben, and use it for school registration etc. The forms generally have a “preferred to be known as” section as well as the full name.

My son is never known by his full name, except at the doctors and passport control.

We just announced him as (eg) Ed when he was born, with a mention that his full name is Edward

We have two friends whose sons are both known by a nickname version of their middle names! So not really by their given names at all.

Introduced as that from day one and it has stuck. One of them I can’t even remember what the actual first name is anymore!

My cousin is known and has been since birth, the shortened form of his middle name. To the point that my mum ( his Aunt) had forgotten he had a 'first' name and was shocked at his wedding doing his vows!

You will find that some (often supply teachers) will try to only refer to them by their 'legal' name. This is reduced but not always eliminated by only naming the child by the name you wish them to be known as. In our experience a 'Ben' might be called Bevin if that is also on the register or even Benjamin if there is no apparent longer name to call them.

One of ours is a 'Ben' always called 'Ben' and on the birth certificate is called 'Ben' still some people try to call them Benjamin or Bevin when 'Ben' won't reveal what their 'real legal' name is, because of course it is 'Ben' which is what they have told them. We have another dc called 'Benjamin' and despite us and them always calling them 'Benjamin' there are still people who try to call them 'Ben' even when Benjamin tells them that they are not 'Ben' but Benjamin and Benjamin doesn't like to be called Ben.

My conclusion is that some people just like to be annoying when it comes to other people's name choices and like to think that they know better than the parents/child.

*none of our dc are actually called Ben/Benjamin but all very normal mainstream names/ nicknames.

When Prince Harry was born it was announced he would be known as Harry, although he is Henry. So if the royals can do it I'm sure it's acceptable

We're going for Alexander on the birth certificate but Alex is what we're already calling him when we talk about the baby.

So we'll announce Alexander but then when we talk about him to people we'll say Alex. I'm sure they'll get the hint and not randomly call him Xander!

If I had another DC and it was a boy, I’d like to name him James Frederick and call him Jack. 🤷‍♀️ I feel like it works; it’s got JA in the front and CK at the end.

I have a lot of reasons: all of our children have our initials in their first names (A for my husband and M for me), so James would work. It’s also FIL’s name though every single person on earth calls him Jim. And Frederick for my beloved, much missed grandpa Fred. ❤️

A lot of people wouldn’t get it, but I think it’s nice and I’d love it.

So yes, do whatever you feel and just introduce him as the nickname!

You can do this. My parents did. I will say it will be a hassle for the kid, esp if the name isn't a recognised nickname and they will have a lifetime to explaining that actually they prefer to be called "Ben" and yes, "Ben" can be an abbreviation of Bevan, and if the normal used name ever gets onto some of their official documents it'll be a nightmare to sort out. I ended up changing my legal name by deed poll to match my used name as I was so fed up with it and really wish my parents had put the name they intended to use on my birth certificate.