Do you need to have one middle name from each side if you have two children?

[sarah13xx]

We’re due our first baby soon and always knew our girl’s name would have my sister’s name as the middle name because she passed away. We’re having a boy (obviously no guarantee we’ll ever use the girls name) but we were really struggling for boy’s middle names. The middle name we have just now is my grandpa’s middle name (his first name didn’t go). My grandpa died last year but my gran is still alive and will be the only great grandparent left so thought it would be lovely for her when we told her he has the same middle name.

Is this bad if both are from my side of the family though? The girls middle name is a definite but the boy’s not so much, just think it would be nice. The only other middle name with any meaning would be my husband’s middle name (he isn’t entirely sure what the meaning is but he knows other people in the family have it). It actually does flow better but probably has less meaning or sentimental value. The only negative about that is 2 out of 3 of the baby’s names are the same as my husband’s name then so they only have a different first name.

Does it matter if both names are from my side, given the second name is from his? We both just have one middle name and I don’t want to use two names so we really need to just pick one! If we had second boy obviously this wouldn’t be an issue and we’d just use his middle name then

Whose surname does he have?

@Palavah he has my husband’s surname (our surname)

Give each child two middle names if there’s a diplomatic issue balancing the families. Give them two each anyway just for fun. They’re not rationed.

Depends on how arsey the in laws are and how much you tell them about why the names have been chosen.

DS1 is names after DH and my dad. Just so happens his middle name (my dad's name) is also FIL middle name and my DB middle name. But that's not why we chose it. No one is precious over it and if they were they did it behind my back and not to my face.

DS2 has two names we both liked that have no connection whatsoever to either family.

He's got your husbands surname. So no don't feel bad at all. You've already changed your name to become part of the name of his family. Your own family name is no longer yours.

@Ihavethesamedress well it’s two sets of in-laws really because his parents aren’t together so I suppose we’d never please them all. It’s only if there’s any relevant names that have a meaning you’d use them anyway so it’s not like each family would have one 🤷🏼‍♀️ Maybe I should just worry about that after this one’s named

I've got one child who has 2 middle names, one from each side.

It doesn’t matter at all, you can call your child whatever you like, and they don’t even have to have a middle name.

If we had a second we’d probably just pick a name we like rather than anything family related. DS has my deceased brother’s name as his middle name.

@Breadandbutterpudding85 yeah that’s kind of what I think. The middle name is never used either, whereas the surname will be used every day. I suppose it’s fair since it’s a first name of their own, a middle name from my family and surname from his

@Abouttimemum yeah you’re right. If it wasn’t for the fact we’ve always had the girls full name set I wouldn’t even be thinking about it just now. It just crossed my mind what if they think oh, another name from your family not ours 🙈

@RickiTarr I know a lot of people do and it would be an easy way round it but I think we’re set that there will just be one middle name. No one else has two middle names in either of our families

Name your child how you want and don't let family politics play a part.
My son had my grandads middle name and it never crossed our minds to also include one from DHs side.

If we have one of each (currently expecting our first, don't know the sex) then both will have a middle name from my family, DH knows this isn't negotiable but we could have two middle names. Our two first name options are ones he suggested, and they'll have his surname, so I figure that's fair.

We intentionally chose one from each side. It just felt more balanced.
In fairness I don’t like either name personally but my DC love the connection.

@Chocoqueen yeah I think you’re right, that is perfectly fair! Think I’ve just over thought it there

@AnotherDayAnotherCake yeah the middle names aren’t ones I’d use for a first name but I think I’d rather they had a meaning given they’re hardly ever used anyway

Ds1 has his grandfather’s name as a middle so does DS2 (different dads!). Deal both times was I picked first name & their dads picked the middle names they wanted.
DD doesn’t have any family names- she was going to have Alice as her middle name after my great grandmother but we changed it to Violet on a whim as she was bright purple when she was born 🤣 Pg with number 4 at the moment & middle name will probably be something from my family to balance things out but we’re lucky we’ve got lots of kids so can pick lots of names 🤣

I don’t think middle names matter too much as long as they go with the first name you love & don’t spell anything ridiculous 😬

@sparklyblue81 yeah we’re avoiding a middle name starting with a vowel for that reason.. unfortunately my parents didn’t and I have one of the worst sets of initials possible! 😂 we might end up having 3 children, I don’t know! So don’t know why I’m bothering to worry about this just now. I’d like him to be named as soon as he’s born because we’re certain on the first name and my partner will have to leave an hour or two after but don’t want to start this debate in the hospital about your family’s name or mine 🤣

Depends on the family. I don't think my PIL will care

Our children have middle names from my side. My family like it, MIL couldn’t care less.
If she had been bothered I’d have pointed out they share her surname so it’s perfectly fair.

If it's DH's surname then it's your choice on middle names.
My DC are
#1 - my side, his side, my side, his surname
#2 random name, both sides, my side, his surname

no

you don't have to do anything, there are no rules or requirements regarding what names you pick.

we picked FILs name as DS1's middle name because I liked the name and it went well with first name.

had 5 more boys but never pick my dad's name, his first name sounds weird in English (it's Hungarian with no English version) and I dislike his middle name.

DH & I decided on all of their names, never occurred to us to get anyone involved.

your kid, your & partner's choice

My kids both have middle names from my family, that was the deal when I agreed they would have dp's surname.

I really think choose names you like, I have never like naming after somebody even for a middle name, it’s a weird legacy that means everything to the parents and almost nothing for the child,
I also dislike it when the child asked and then you have to say they were given that name because someone else died especially if it was early or tragic it has always struck me a abit of a strange burden for a child.
My children have their own names no ‘family’ names. I think the family surname is enough.
That being said so sorry about your sister.

My in-laws put a lot of pressure on about my son being called the same first and second name and also surname as my husband! They even showed me their full family tree to emphasise the number of boys in their family with the same name. It made me feel upset and separate as if I was producing a child for another group of people to name. My DH briefly attempted to join in with them but we had a really big chat and then sorted out what we really wanted and then we just chose names that we liked and thought were beautiful.
His mother kept mispronouncing my sons name for quite a few weeks after he was born I think to make a deliberate point but I just waited that out with a rictus smile.