Help with surname hyphenation decision!

[cantdecideonsurnamehelppp]

I’m actually overdue at the moment, so baby girl’s arrival is imminent. But I’m still so torn on her surname. Not with baby’s dad but we are very good friends and hope to have a great co-parenting relationship. To pre-empt any ‘give baby your name’ comments, this is absolutely not going to happen. She will have some sort of amalgamation of both of our names, and not one or the other.

So with that said, I’m struggling with whether to use his name hyphen my name, or mine hyphen his. Or skip the hyphen altogether. The issue is that my surname is quite a nice, girls name - along the lines of something like Poppy. His is a standard surname but a name that can also be used as a first name for a boy, think something like Jackson. Again, not the real names but similar sounds ish and syllables.

First name is most likely to be a simple, one syllable name, not the name but for example Jane. His surname and the name we have chosen also start with the same letter.

So my options:

Jane Poppy-Jackson
Jane Jackson-Poppy
Jane Poppy Jackson
Jane Jackson Poppy

I worry that without the hyphen, my name will always be mistaken for a middle name. But I think it does sound better as opposed to his name first. Does it even matter how it sounds really? I’m totally overthinking it I think but just looking for opinions. And even advice from anyone whose kids do have both parents surnames and any sort of impact that it’s had? Any issues I should be aware of?

That definitely looks like a middle name.
I know you rejected it, but I would definitely only use my surname, I’m sorry.

@BingBongToTheMoon yes, that’s my worry without the hyphen but even for saying it aloud, it does sound like part of her first name I think. It will have to be his name first in that case, I can see myself getting annoyed if I have to constantly correct people on it not being her first or middle name!

I think whatever sounds best but definitely go with a hyphen if your surname is a girls name or will definitely look like a middle name and be forgotten. Jane Poppy-Jackson sounds like it flows best to me! We have hyphenated my daughters name and we essentially chose the first name first and went with what sounded best!

I think it’s fine to use your surname first as long as it’s hyphenated

@stellarfox thank you. My name first does sound best, I think because it breaks up the alliteration sound of the first name and his surname starting with the same letter. But I don’t want to constantly be correcting people. I also have always had an issue with people thinking my surname is my first name, and that’s with it on its own. So maybe it’s best with his name first. It’s so tough! 😂

Definitely hyphen and just choose whichever way rolls off the tongue easiest. My DD has our names with a hyphen (we're married but both kept our own surnames), and ours roll short name - longer name best.

We are married but have different surnames. We went for hyphenated (my surname, hyphen, his surname). The order was chosen by how it sounded with daughter's first name.

I wasn't sure about hyphenating, but my surname could be mistaken for a middle name and we wanted it to be unambiguous.

Ultimately, we don't care what she calls herself and she has the option of dropping one or both of the names when she's old enough. No issues yet, but she's only 2. I have also taught young people with this kind of surname arrangement and it was no issue at all for school records etc.

Oh, and to make matters worse I actually am friends with someone whose actual name is Poppy Jackson, but obviously with the equivalent real names. We’re not particularly close but it does make me think oh, that sounds like a proper full name rather than a surname! 😂

I have an unusual girl’s name surname and it’s often mixed up with my first.

Baby boy is hyphenated with mine second to make it more clear it’s his surname.

Is it possible to combine your surnames somehow? I know a couple who had surnames Murray & Mann. Their children combined their surnames and had Murriman.

You could also choose something different that you both agree on?

Good luck

I like Jane Jackson-Poppy I think if the girly sounding surname was first it might get sound like a hyphenated first name, which I don't really like. I also like the sound of the two Js together.

I love the combined idea - definitely would have gone for that if our combination hadn't sounded so awful. Murriman is great!

Your name last, no hyphen.

@chocolateoranges33

Is it possible to combine your surnames somehow? I know a couple who had surnames Murray & Mann. Their children combined their surnames and had Murriman.

You could also choose something different that you both agree on?

Good luck

If the names are Holly and Mitchell the baby would be called Holyhell!

I know someone with a hyphenated surname that is Jay-Briggs. She's always being called Emily-Jay Briggs which really annoys her. (I've used a fictitious first name and last name).

I'd suggest combining your two names if you can, eg Popson as it will save a lot of confusion.

I would put your name first, then the fathers with a hyphen. If you have future dc they will both (presumably) have your surname first as a commonality. Do be aware for your dd that a hyphenated name can be a tight PITA. I have one and at doctors and any formal place I am constantly slipping through their nets and hard to find apparently.

Me, my husband and daughter all share the same hyphenated surname. My surname-his surname. It actually would have sounded better the other way around, but the initials would have been B-J, which I didn't see a problem with, but apparently it would have sounded bad... No issues so far. It sounds quite clunky, but I'm fine with that as it means both of our names are included.

We are married but with different names. We have hisname-myname. It sounded better that way around. Without the hyphen I would expect the first name to get dropped in a lot of cases.

I prefer Jane Jackson- Poppy. Stops your name being mistaken for a mn.

CormoronStrike.
When you check it, I think you will find your suggestion of combining the two surnames in order to create a name that doesn't belong to either of you is fraud.

@notthemum this is untrue. What makes you think that?
You can give a child any surname you want.

@notthemum

CormoronStrike. When you check it, I think you will find your suggestion of combining the two surnames in order to create a name that doesn't belong to either of you is fraud.

Completely untrue. You can give a child any surname you like.

If it's Rose use it last otherwise people will definitely think it's the middle name.

I think some people will default to the last name even with a hyphen. So I’d put your name last!

I know you are dead set against just using your surname but I will give you reasons to just use yours. Although you are on good terms now with the father it may not always be that way. He may choose not to be in her life at any point and she will always have that name of a man who may not even see her. Statistically as the mother you will always be in her life until she is at least an adult.

Secondly, if you get married later and change your surname to share one with him, you cannot change your child's surname to match as the courts are really strict on keeping the original name. So either you end up keeping your surname as does your child but then any subsequent children? What then?

You need to look at the future and consider what restrictions having your child's father's surname does. To quote one of my favourite books "Don’t do what you can’t undo, until you’ve considered what you can’t do once you’ve done it.”

My friend had this when she named her child, father turned into feckless no show, she married fantastic man, couldn't change her child's surname even when the child wanted the surname changed to her step-Dad who was a better father than her biological father.

Given all of that, I would give her father's name as a middle name and your surname as her surname. No hyphen.