Would this be really insensitive?

[Giraffedance]

I'm currently pregnant with our first baby, a little girl, and my DH really loves the name Cerys. I really like the name too, but a friend of mine lost a baby quite late on in pregnancy a few years ago, I believe, and named her Carys and so I'm worried it would just be a bit insensitive. I know it's not identical, but they're variations of the same name and have the same meaning. It's a Welsh name - I'm mostly English but with Welsh heritage, and we live in south east England, where both names are fairly unusual. I've known this girl for a couple of years - we're not close friends, but before covid we used to see each other most weeks, in the company of mutual friends. I like her and don't want to upset her, but I also don't really feel like I know her well enough to broach it with her. What do you guys think?

My mum had a baby that died shortly after birth, a few years later my Aunt gave her baby the same name. ( I know it’s a much closer relationship)
My Mum was utterly heartbroken & very very hurt by it and although she never said anything she has never ‘got over it’ and it definitely made her distance herself (aunt is mums sil not sister)

@nancy75

My mum had a baby that died shortly after birth, a few years later my Aunt gave her baby the same name. ( I know it’s a much closer relationship) My Mum was utterly heartbroken & very very hurt by it and although she never said anything she has never ‘got over it’ and it definitely made her distance herself (aunt is mums sil not sister)

That's terrible

@BlueHairGirl

I'm surprised so many people are so strongly against this, you didn't know her at the time, she's not a super close friend and they're different names. It's lovely that you're happy to rule it out because of all the responses but don't let them make you feel guilty for wondering. It's so horrible for someone to lose a child but unfortunately she'll hear the name around and it's a different name

Thank you for saying this - I really appreciate it 😊

You’ve only know her 2 years, who knows whether you’ll know her in another 2.

If she was a long term best friend I’d say different.

Speak to your friend! My aunt has. Baby born sleeping and my mam asked about using the name for my sister...my aunt loved the idea and they have always had a special bond!

You sound lovely and kind and sure your friend will appreciate you speaking with her.

If it was a really close friend I'd say no don't do it. But she's more of an acquaintance and it's technically a different name so tbh I wouldn't rule it out if you really love the name. Did she personally tell you about her daughter or did you hear it from someone else? I think that would maybe influence my decision as well.

It's not the same name - of course you can use it. Cerys and Carys are not the same as Sophie/Sophia etc, more like Millie and Mollie. Use the name you and DH love.

If it makes any difference, my first DD died before her first birthday and I wasn't sensitive about anyone using the (quite popular) name afterwards. Made no difference to me whatsoever.

Oh Gemma that’s so sad I’m sorry x

Gosh, I’m clearly an outlier. I think Carys and Cerys are different enough that I would certainly give it as a middle name if I felt I couldn’t use it as a first name. I love both, btw, but to me the Carys/Cariad/love meaning or connection is stronger than for Cerys which I would feel more as Ceri/Ceridwen etc - which has associations with ‘fair’ or ‘white’. Especially as the short versions are different - you’d have Carrie from Carys and Kerry from Cerys.

I love Anwen and Lowri, in a similar Welsh vein. Or Lois/Iris/Alys if you like the ‘s’ sound at the end.

Gemma - I’m so sorry you lost DD1.

I think you're right not to use it. Cerys and Carys are different names but they are also very similar.

If you like Cerys, what about:
Nerys
Enfys
Eirlys
Eirys
Alys
Eira
Nia
Eleri
Mali
Mari
Tesni

I don’t understand these comments saying well she’s not a good friend. You’ve clearly stated you like her and wish to avoid causing her pain and you have mutual friends, which means if you did do it, and it did cause her pain, which is almost certainly bound to happen, you would likely cause a major issue in the wider friendship group and most would take her side on that and not understand why you did it to her.

How about spelling it Karris? That way they two names become more distinctive and, imo, different enough altogether not to be an issue.
Otherwise could you try broaching the subject with the mutual friends who are closer to her to gauge their thoughts on how she'd feel about it / whether she might be open to you discussing with her directly?

@Kimblebee19

How about spelling it Karris? That way they two names become more distinctive and, imo, different enough altogether not to be an issue. Otherwise could you try broaching the subject with the mutual friends who are closer to her to gauge their thoughts on how she'd feel about it / whether she might be open to you discussing with her directly?

Please don't mangle a perfectly lovely Welsh name!

I know, I know, it's none of my business how people spell their child's name but as a Welsh person I would think of it as being in the same league as Shardonney.

Please don't use it as a first or middle name - hundreds of names out there. It is really insensitive

I wouldn’t mind this at all and I have suffered a loss of a baby.

They are two different names!

I think it's completely fine, OP, tbh. But then I've never understood why people get so weird about what other people call their children.

Very insensitive

No! Awfully insensitive!

I don't get the messages wondering if she's a close friend or saying she is, when the OP states in the opening post:
I've known this girl for a couple of years - we're not close friends

I think that makes a big difference. If you hardly see her and you're not close friends then I think it's easier to go with it. However, I don't know if I'd want that association in my mind. You could go with a different spelling which makes it look more distinct, but then I don't know it that'd make much of a difference. I've known people by Karis or Keris.

You sound like a thoughtful friend, but I do wonder if this is something you feel you aren’t close enough to discuss with her directly then is there really enough proximity for her to feel particularly hurt by your decision...? I’m assuming you’re absolutely sure that it’s not actually the same name as her daughter, of course.

From my (admittedly somewhat limited Welsh background) I wouldn’t see it as the same name and I wonder at your friend’s background and how that might inform her thoughts about this (if any). The names actually sound more different than they first appear written down. Carys has a soft “c” and a more rolling “r” sound sort of cAHres whereas Cerys has much more of a harder “k” and “r” sounds more like KERris. Often I’ve found with names people tend to get split between softer and harder sounds in terms of what they instinctively like.

To me, it doesn’t seem particularly insensitive but closeness is really the factor here, if you’re very concerned perhaps you could test it out with a mutual friend or over a group coffee etc?

There are lots of really lovely Welsh girls names out there if you do decide Cerys isn’t for you in the end.

Hi OP

How about Celyn? Pr Kellin- Welsh for holly.