Changing Name DD 8 months

[SuePlue]

Hello,

My DD got a name when she was born. I wasn't certain about this name. It was a pretty 'special' combination, where we decided to put her 'calling name' as her second name, because the initials would seem better. Her 'first' name is an oldfashioned official name of my mother's. DM's real calling name is different. The name we used for calling my daughter actually didn't feel right before birth, but I was then in total panic and couldn't make a right decision and I think I pulled my DH in this situation with me and finally decided on a more unusual calling name. S. al. om. e. That's was her name. I really didn't feel right about this from the start and I really freaked out about it, end ended up in some sort of depression. I never heard from any person ever being in this situation and felt so super emotional, guilty and full of shame. I knew for sure that I needed another name for her....but just didn't know what name. The name we also liked was just 'taken' by a niece that had just been born. We are really close and it just wouldn't feel right to go and use this name. So, there I was, a total mess and just didn't know what to do. We ended up at a psychiatrist and he 'made' us chose a name one day...and we chose the name E.v.a. So different. We chose in a period of total depression and panic. Now, a few months later I look back on this very strange period and feel so sad how it all went. This is not the name I want my daughter to be called, but why can't I just make a decision about what would fit her and us better???? Every moment of the day I'm busy finding a solution. I'm a believer and also praying for it. I know we have the 'authority' as parents to give our little baby girl a name we love for her. But the difficult thing is I just don't know what name will fit. I hope the coming weeks I will feel peace about a name that's closer to my heart and will feel the courage to be able to make the decision to be calling her by her new name.
Anyone any advice? Or experience on this subject?
Love.....

I think you need to forget the name your niece has and the name you nearly gave her and changed at the last minute because you didn't like it. They're red herrings. So your options are either that you find a new name you like better than the current one or you accept the current one. Which do you think you want to do?

FWIW, I don't adore my DC's names and struggled to name both of them because my DH and I have very different tastes in names, so I ended up with ones I could tolerate, rather than ones I loved, because DH disliked all the ones I loved. A couple of weeks after birth, I just decided that those were their names now, and that was it. They're perfectly serviceable names, not objectionable and that's that. Once I'd made the decision to accept their names, they just became their names and I was able to stop worrying about them.

@Puntastic

I think you need to forget the name your niece has and the name you nearly gave her and changed at the last minute because you didn't like it. They're red herrings. So your options are either that you find a new name you like better than the current one or you accept the current one. Which do you think you want to do?

FWIW, I don't adore my DC's names and struggled to name both of them because my DH and I have very different tastes in names, so I ended up with ones I could tolerate, rather than ones I loved, because DH disliked all the ones I loved. A couple of weeks after birth, I just decided that those were their names now, and that was it. They're perfectly serviceable names, not objectionable and that's that. Once I'd made the decision to accept their names, they just became their names and I was able to stop worrying about them.

DD was born with the name we gave her. Then I realized I found it too hard, didnt have the right connection with the name, then panicked! Now she wears the name we gave her at three months, that name was 'born out of panic and pressure'.....and doesnt feel right either.....that's sad and really unpractical..... We would like to give her a new name...but it keeps on being a frustrating subject and difficult too discuss and decide.

So you want to change the name for a new one. Does your DP also want to change it to a new one?

My ds has the name I've adored for years - and he hates it. So you can't always get it right even if you pick a genuine favourite.
Fwiw, the name you've mentioned in this thread seems to hit the holy grail of naming for many people - it's a real recognisable name but unusual and she's unlikely to have another in her class. It also has cute nn potential - Sally, Sala, Omie, Mimi - all spring immediately to mind..

@Chilldonaldchill

My ds has the name I've adored for years - and he hates it. So you can't always get it right even if you pick a genuine favourite. Fwiw, the name you've mentioned in this thread seems to hit the holy grail of naming for many people - it's a real recognisable name but unusual and she's unlikely to have another in her class. It also has cute nn potential - Sally, Sala, Omie, Mimi - all spring immediately to mind..

'To hit the holy grail'......mmm and I actually like more simple names....so we got in this situation....

I'm confused

S. al. om. e. That's was her name.

What is that?

@user77hjjy

I'm confused

S. al. om. e. That's was her name.

What is that?

I'm sorry you're confused

@user77hjjy

I'm confused

S. al. om. e. That's was her name.

What is that?

What do you mean actually?

I think the full stops are confusing PP.

Ah yes, okay....

I would like to find someone who had a really hard time with this subject...and did overcome this.
For example, my fear is that I will stay afraid to write her in at daycare, because I don't know yet how we will name her....
It's like I want to resolve all this, before really starting 'life'....of course there's still corona. So my job is at home and I don't need daycare yet.
But it's just such a shame not to feel free to really introduce her...Well...

@SuePlue

I would like to find someone who had a really hard time with this subject...and did overcome this. For example, my fear is that I will stay afraid to write her in at daycare, because I don't know yet how we will name her.... It's like I want to resolve all this, before really starting 'life'....of course there's still corona. So my job is at home and I don't need daycare yet. But it's just such a shame not to feel free to really introduce her...Well...

I did, just a sight quicker than you have.

If you've spent the last eight months wracking your brains trying to come up with the perfect name and haven't managed it, I'd wager that it doesn't exist. There is no perfect name you'll be 100% happy with. And I reckon you'd have had the same doubts if you'd named her the name your niece ended up with (after all, you changed your mind about it in the first place), but now you can't so you're fixating on the name, turning it into the one that got away.

My advice would be to just lay the issue to rest, keep her name as is and move forwards with your life.

@Puntastic

So you want to change the name for a new one. Does your DP also want to change it to a new one?

Yes, he does. Its complicated to choose a clear name and go for it. That's confusing...and makes the process difficult

Yes, he does. Its complicated to choose a clear name and go for it. That's confusing...and makes the process difficult

Seriously, I think you'd be better off just sticking with the name you've got. If you have been trying for eight months to come up with the perfect name and haven't found it, it probably doesn't exist. If you keep on like this, the search for the perfect name will cast a shadow over your DD's entire babyhood and toddlerhood. It's not worth it. It's just a name.

@Puntastic

Yes, he does. Its complicated to choose a clear name and go for it. That's confusing...and makes the process difficult

Seriously, I think you'd be better off just sticking with the name you've got. If you have been trying for eight months to come up with the perfect name and haven't found it, it probably doesn't exist. If you keep on like this, the search for the perfect name will cast a shadow over your DD's entire babyhood and toddlerhood. It's not worth it. It's just a name.

For how long you were in some sort of situation?

@Chilldonaldchill

My ds has the name I've adored for years - and he hates it. So you can't always get it right even if you pick a genuine favourite. Fwiw, the name you've mentioned in this thread seems to hit the holy grail of naming for many people - it's a real recognisable name but unusual and she's unlikely to have another in her class. It also has cute nn potential - Sally, Sala, Omie, Mimi - all spring immediately to mind..

Hi, thnx for your reaction.... the holy grail, yes. Its a particular name. I think the panic I remember from her first weeks that I couldn't cope with her name, makes it difficult to learn to use it with conviction. Although it has a clearer sound than E..va (that's how we call her now)

For how long you were in some sort of situation?

My first was unnamed for three weeks, my second for two. I still don't think we got the first quite right tbh, but it's her name now, and we couldn't think of anything better at the time. I now know how I'd change it, if I were choosing again, but she's now two years old and that ship has well and truly sailed! In reality, I have loads of nicknames that I call her and if I'd gone with what I now think was the better option, I'd probably still be sitting here wishing I'd chosen the other. I think eventually you have to make a conscious decision to draw a line under it all and just move on.

@SuePlue big hugs. I went through exactly this, almost like a mirror. I had chosen a name and told no-one. DH wasn't sure, and we went through thousands of names until he heard one he liked. I read about it and was not so sure.
I was in labour and told my sister the name I chose and she laughed so hard, saying I couldn't call the baby that. So I gave the baby DH's choice. Within a few days I regretted it, and I couldn't say the name, I used the middle name instead. I couldn't stop panicking and obsessing. I tried to change the name to my choice at the register office but they made an error and I got the new certificates when the baby was 8 months old. Then I tried to change everything but too many people knew her by the NN that goes with DH's choice of name. Then my sister had a baby she named her DD's middle name, which I sometimes used. Such a mess and I felt so silly. Finally when I had to fill in her school application, I formally changed her official name back to what everyone was using, plus my choice, plus her original middle name. What a palaver!
At some point, the anxiety faded away. She is 13 now, goes by a NN, and has the beautiful name DH chose for her, from a book which she loves.

I hope you find peace sooner than I did. Big hug.

We felt we worked hard to find our daughter's name, though we made a decision over a few days because it was easiest to register her before leaving the hospital.

When she was 13 she changed school, and as she'd expressed dissatisfaction with her name I pointed out that she could choose a new nickname or username for her new school if she liked. Initially the idea seemed great but we spent the summer talking about names and sounds and never did find something better.

I really like your phrase 'wearing' a name. Although it is not something we do often, it is true that a name can indeed be taken off and a different one put on when there is a need. Actually, some people do do this more often with nicknames, different versions for different situations.

Good luck reaching a position of comfort with how you call your daughters.

@Pythonesque

We felt we worked hard to find our daughter's name, though we made a decision over a few days because it was easiest to register her before leaving the hospital.

When she was 13 she changed school, and as she'd expressed dissatisfaction with her name I pointed out that she could choose a new nickname or username for her new school if she liked. Initially the idea seemed great but we spent the summer talking about names and sounds and never did find something better.

I really like your phrase 'wearing' a name. Although it is not something we do often, it is true that a name can indeed be taken off and a different one put on when there is a need. Actually, some people do do this more often with nicknames, different versions for different situations.

Good luck reaching a position of comfort with how you call your daughters.

Thnk you very much.....it did reach a point that I just really find it hard to pronounce her name and that's sad. Hope I find rest one of these days.

I think you have to accept that not every decision is going to feel 100% perfect. Learn to accept and live with some doubt, some uncertainty.

I don't mean that unkindly but the crux of it is that you cannot tolerate the lack of certainty that it was the right choice. What if it's not always possible to be 100% certain about a choice. Things might still be ok!

I think this is quite common. I've seen my DD's name pasted on here for being both too fussy and too plain! But when I meet somebody, I don't obsess over their name for hours. I just say 'oh' and accept it.

I felt disatisified with my DD's name when she was younger. It was a very classic choice, very much her father's taste. I would have chosen something quirkier but he was the boss of me. (I left).

But over time, it does start to matter. I think when you meet babies and toddlers with their mothers the whole subject of names seems paramount and you look at the parents and you think would I have expected them to have chosen that name, and it all seems fascinating. Roll on 18 years and my daughter introduces friends to me and I really don't give any more thought to their names than 'will I remember that'.

@SelkieWings

I think you have to accept that not every decision is going to feel 100% perfect. Learn to accept and live with some doubt, some uncertainty.

I don't mean that unkindly but the crux of it is that you cannot tolerate the lack of certainty that it was the right choice. What if it's not always possible to be 100% certain about a choice. Things might still be ok!

I think this is quite common. I've seen my DD's name pasted on here for being both too fussy and too plain! But when I meet somebody, I don't obsess over their name for hours. I just say 'oh' and accept it.

Hi, I'm so sorry that it came over like that. It's just my/our personal search of how to cope. I know that no choice will feel 100% okay... I just want to feel more connection with how I call her....never knew this could/would happen.

If I have understood correctly Sal.ome is a beautiful name.

What I said about certainty or lack thereof is a realisation we all navigate, not just you! Not everything in life is certain or comes with a guarantee. My dd's name didnt set me alight 18 years ago but it has aged well so in a way, that love bomb feeling never hit me but a name has to do for a whole life time.

@SelkieWings

If I have understood correctly Sal.ome is a beautiful name.

What I said about certainty or lack thereof is a realisation we all navigate, not just you! Not everything in life is certain or comes with a guarantee. My dd's name didnt set me alight 18 years ago but it has aged well so in a way, that love bomb feeling never hit me but a name has to do for a whole life time.

Yes, so you did grow into her name, I think that's wonderfull. You say a name has to go for a lifetime, you mean to say its worth taking a look of finding a substitute name?...I didnt grow into her (first) name...because I was too afraid to pronounce it.....her current name had to 'fix' it....but it didn't. So, now its accepting one of the two or accept a new name.