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Original poster

Changing surname, initials ASS?

30 replies

QueenOfCatan · 08/03/2021 08:27

Husband wants to change his name, our children have both of our surnames double barrelled. Currently our eldest's initials are AS-C (has a middle name beginning with L but not certain that the initial for that would be used?!) but husband is thinking about using his mother's surname which begins with S so eldest would be AS-S or ALS-S.

Would we be setting her up for a life of name misery?! Or would the middle name be used and all would be fine?
We have thought about a new family name but can't think of anything that we like much!

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dementedpixie · 08/03/2021 08:36

Why would changing his name affect your children's names? Surely the children keep their existing names

ILoveStickers · 08/03/2021 08:48

Agree with PP - your husband can change his name (or double barrel his new name and old name?) without it affecting the children's name.

Or, if he wants to use a family name but not the one he has now, why doesn't he change his name to yours? The children could keep the double-barrel or just use yours, either by changing it formerly or just by using one only in daily life.

So,

Joe Cooper
Jane Smith
daughter Amy Smith-Cooper

Just all become Smiths - job done!

Original poster
QueenOfCatan · 08/03/2021 08:50

We'd all change to have the same, he's keen for the kids to not have the original surname and I don't want it either hence not changing mine to S-C when we married.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 08/03/2021 08:52

What if the kids want to keep their own names? That's part of their identity

Original poster
QueenOfCatan · 08/03/2021 08:52

He doesn't want to have just mine, he has the same thoughts on that to me having just his.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 08/03/2021 08:53

Can't you all change to match the children then?

ILoveStickers · 08/03/2021 08:54

Ok... Seems like him taking your name is the perfect solution here, if you all want the same and he doesn't want his father's (?) surname.

Why is you taking his mum's name better than him taking your name?

Original poster
QueenOfCatan · 08/03/2021 08:54

Kids are both young, eldest is four, she has said she's happy to change her second surname to be the same as the grandparent she sees but doesn't want a whole new surname which was our original plan as we found one DH and I liked but she doesn't like that idea. Youngest is under 2.

OP posts:
OldLang · 08/03/2021 08:55

How old are the kids? Are they getting a say in the change to their own names?

OldLang · 08/03/2021 08:56

Cross post

Original poster
QueenOfCatan · 08/03/2021 08:57

@ILoveStickers

Ok... Seems like him taking your name is the perfect solution here, if you all want the same and he doesn't want his father's (?) surname.

Why is you taking his mum's name better than him taking your name?

He feels a connection to his mums side of the family, particularly his grandparents who he spent a considerable amount of time with growing up and as a child he wanted their surname.

The timing of this is due to him internally accepting that the relationship with his father is just completely gone. We've known this for a long time but he's struggled a lot with it.

OP posts:
LividLiving · 08/03/2021 08:58

We added an extra middle name to our baby to avoid ASS.

His name is now even more “extra” than it was but I like it.

ILoveStickers · 08/03/2021 08:59

Ok, I think I get the situation - you want to all have the same name, EITHER an entirely new name (but older child doesn't like the idea) OR a double barrel with one name from each side of the family.

Seems complicated! I still say him taking your name is ideal, and a more minimal change for the children.

The problem with AS-S is that the double barrel makes it way more obvious than someone with initials AS who, it turns out, has an S middle name.

Are the names things you could blend at all? Like Cartwright and Smithson could be Cartson (or something)? That would be a cool way to get a new family name

SnowyBranches · 08/03/2021 08:59

There are lots of occasions in my experience where initials are used and I wouldn’t be greatly happy about having to append ASS to every document I checked at work for example, instead of SB.

Original poster
QueenOfCatan · 08/03/2021 09:05

Yes we all want the same name, DH and I changing ours to be the same as our kids (so all double barrelled) was decided last year but then he decided he didn't want his current surname any more so we've been discussing the alternatives since then.
DHs argument is that he's rarely had to use his initials and when he has he's added his middle initial. I don't have a middle name so whilst I can't think of an occasion where I've had to use my initials in the last ten or so years I don't know how middle names come into it anyway.

There is a combination of our surnames that I think works but neither he nor eldest like it Hmm

OP posts:
ILoveStickers · 08/03/2021 09:05

Or maybe your husband could change to a double barrel Yourname-Mothersname, and you and the kids could just be Yourname.

That way, he gets the connection to his grandparents and you all share a name as a family.

So,

Joe Smith-Staples
Jane Smith
Amy Smith (formerly Smith-Cooper)

ILoveStickers · 08/03/2021 09:07

All the universities I've worked at have had student emails based on initials. So, yes, all the students use their initials on a daily basis! Sometimes middle names are included, but sometimes they get missed out or the system only accepts 3 initials.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 08/03/2021 09:12

So you are planning on changing Andrew Lewis Simpson-Carter to Andrew Lewis Simpson-Smith?

Where I work all minutes of meetings are done based on your first name and surname initials. With no middle names and no hyphens.

So the minutes would say:-

“ASS stated that he thought that the number of widgets should be increased to 100.”

Mumoftwoinprimary · 08/03/2021 09:18

However, that is not the biggest problem with AS-S. The biggest problem is that at some point during his secondary career some bright spark will suddenly spot “hey everyone - Andrew’s initials spell ASS.” And he’ll be “asshead” for the rest of his school career. It may not even be vindictive but kids give each other nicknames. My eldest is nearly 11 now and I am slightly aggrieved that despite the hundreds of hours I spent choosing the most beautiful name for her she now spends most of her time being called an annoying shortening of her surname.

Original poster
QueenOfCatan · 08/03/2021 09:23

@Mumoftwoinprimary

So you are planning on changing Andrew Lewis Simpson-Carter to Andrew Lewis Simpson-Smith?

Where I work all minutes of meetings are done based on your first name and surname initials. With no middle names and no hyphens.

So the minutes would say:-

“ASS stated that he thought that the number of widgets should be increased to 100.”

Exactly that. One of the names is correct too! This is my reservation and why it hasn't happened yet. This thread is basically confirming that this is a Bad Idea and that we need to find another solution. Might have another chat with DD about the new name idea.
OP posts:
Saisong · 08/03/2021 09:29

Could your DD keep her names, but remove the double barrelling? So she has more middle names and only one surname making the initials AS?

My kids have 4 names which include mine and DHs surname, but the only use the last one officially as a surname.

Original poster
QueenOfCatan · 08/03/2021 09:37

@saisong I'll have a think on that one.

Another option would be using the English translation of my name to make it HS, but my surname is pretty damn cool to be frank Grin

OP posts:
MuddleMoo · 08/03/2021 09:40

I have to use my initials every day. I Would have to be AS-S

MuddleMoo · 08/03/2021 09:41

Every working day even

Lenny86 · 08/03/2021 14:01

My initials (first and second name, never middle name) are used a lot at work so that would put me off a ASS....but one person at work has the initials GIT so they by GT instead.