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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

How did you agree a name with your DP?

45 replies

notalwaysalondoner · 17/02/2021 18:17

Hi, I'm expecting my first, due in July, and am wondering what process people went through to agree a name with their DP? I have my lists of about 20 or so names I really like, that I've been adding to for months. I'm trying to encourage him to come up with at least 5 before I show him my list, as I'd like him to put some thought into it and also get a sense of what he really likes. He did accidentally see my girl's list the other day though and immediately dismissed my top two names... I guess my question is - how did you manage coming up with names between the two of you, and once you had your lists, how did you negotiate your final chosen name or final shortlist? I don't think it's fair that I come up with all the names and he just gets to dismiss some, I feel he should have to come up with some too (that I then get to veto...!).

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SocialDistanced · 17/02/2021 18:53

We both wrote down a list of 10 names and any name on both lists would be our shortlist. We did not have a single common name!

We just didn’t like any of the names on each other’s list. It came to point whenever I saw a name I liked, I would suggest it.

About 2 days before DC was born, I suggested a name and DH agreed. It is a traditional biblical name that somehow was perfect.

Synchrony · 17/02/2021 18:55

He was much less interested in lists tbh, and never made one. I was a bit disappointed because I love discussing names!

He had a strong opinion about one particular name, and although it's probably not the name I'd have chosen on my own, I do really like it and it has a personal meaning in our relationship. So I agreed to that.

I suggested a load of ideas for middle names and eventually found one's that we were both enthusiastic about. It's actually the name of an actor we both admire.

If the baby had been the opposite sex, I guess we'd have settled on a name we both thought was only ok. We never found one we both loved.

Synchrony · 17/02/2021 18:58

Oh, also, I did try to be a bit open-minded before vetoing. One name I originally didn't like, which he suggested, grew on me a lot after imagining using it over the course of a few months. I could imagine using that for any future baby.

ThreeTwoOneBlastOff · 17/02/2021 19:05

I made a list, he made a list and we compared to the two. We kept mutual chosen names and then just narrowed them down as my pregnancy continued.

BallsToYouSue · 17/02/2021 19:50

Ugh so common! It always seems to be on here (and I am massively projecting as this is how it was in our house too), that the woman suggests a tonne of names, the man suggests zero and vetoes all of hers 🙄.

Anyway, we eventually came up with a list for each sex. They all had to be names we could live with and liked, even if they weren't our absolute favourites. I then picked one off the boy list and DH picked one off the girl list. We had a girl and used DH's choice of the names we both liked. It is a lovely name, which is always complimented on here. More importantly she loves her name!

By the time we had dc2, I was less keen to discuss names until he was born, so we named him just after he was born. We were discussing a shortlist just before he was born, then chose one of the shortlist just after he was born.

In fairness to my dh, I really wanted a name decided asap, and he didn't, which is why he didn't come up with any names. It was irksome at the time though.

BallsToYouSue · 17/02/2021 19:52

Sorry, that was so garbled. I'll be amazed if anyone makes sense of it 😂.

FeedMeSantiago · 18/02/2021 16:50

He needs to start suggesting names too. He doesn't get to sit there and veto your suggestions without coming up with some ideas of his own.

Why not ask him to go through the top 100/500/1000 and pick some names he likes from there as a starting point? You could do the same and then see if you have any in common?

There are also websites and apps you can get where you can both select names and it tells you what you both like.

Itsjustaride8w737 · 18/02/2021 21:41

We we're just grown ups and compromised.

He liked Charlotte
I liked Matilda

We both liked Grace, so that's her name.

cliffdiver · 18/02/2021 22:15

DD1 I told him the name I wanted my DD to be called. Luckily he loved it.

DD2 ditto

MySocalledLoaf · 18/02/2021 22:18

We made a list of all the names we liked enough to pick. Then we crossed off the ones of each other’s that we hated. There was one left.

stormelf · 18/02/2021 22:22

I never really had a list with either of mine. With dd and ds I had a name that just felt right. After mentioning the name quite often around dh he started thinking he had come up with the names and said they are what we should use.

mynameisigglepiggle · 18/02/2021 22:33

DD1 we jointly decided then family member used the name we couldn't agree on any other other names. He eventually came round to one I liked after she was born.

DD2 he suggested a name and I liked it too.

DS no names we loved. I'm hospital night before he was born DH was on a website where you put in your surname and it's suggests names. One name we both liked. Hadn't been mentioned before but we both liked it.

DramaAlpaca · 19/02/2021 01:02

It was easy. I suggested names for each of our three boys and DH agreed. Too easy, I was quite looking forward to a few heated discussions

Edenember · 19/02/2021 02:45

This is such a common scenario, you’re just going to have to be firm. He can’t expect power of veto while bringing nothing to the table himself, that’s just not on. So I’d just let him know plainly and directly that if he doesn’t bring anything to the table, you will simply name the baby what you want to call them.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/02/2021 02:50

I told him what DD would be called and he listened. He got the last name.

The boy thing was a nightmare. Bloody loads of names we went through. I hate most boys names and he doesn't care much, except for hating Joe, which I love. Ended up with a name we were both meh about. Then DD was a girl and was called her awesome name.

Pluas · 19/02/2021 02:51

Neither of us had a list. I think if either of us thought of something we liked, we said it, and the other generally said ‘Are you on glue?’

JemimaTiggywinkle · 19/02/2021 04:56

I had a list, he’s not really a list person, but would suggest names occasionally. We discussed which names we both like the most.

I get final say because he has already contributed one name (the surname), and because I’m growing and birthing the baby.

poblwcymru · 19/02/2021 05:02

For DD2 I downloaded the list of girls names from ONS and we both removed any lines from the spreadsheet we didn't like. We had one name in common when we compared!

DD1 is named after our grandmothers who have a name in common.

Originalusername2021 · 19/02/2021 05:06

1st child I had a list and there was only 1 name in it he liked.

2nd child no formal list but I would suggest names and he would say yes or no, it came down to 2 we both liked in the end we discussed it and chose one (different fathers)

PurpleFlower1983 · 19/02/2021 08:02

I knew what I wanted to call DD from the start, we had a list but I knew what I wanted and we went with it in the end.

Due in July with DS and it’s harder!

musicalfrog · 19/02/2021 08:07

I was more passionate about mine. I found good reasons why his choices didn't work as well, he couldn't find any good reasons why mine didn't. He wasn't 100% convinced but he now agrees that it's a great name.

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 19/02/2021 08:19

He was much less interested in lists tbh, and never made one. I was a bit disappointed because I love discussing names!

Yeah totally this. I suspect that's a male trait. In the end we managed to agree a few basic rules:

Had to be a full version of a name not a shortened version/nickname eg Thomas not Tommy etc.
Nothing too 'out there', no Junipers, Peaches etc
Nothing already in the top 20 for baby names in terms of popularity.
No 'yoonique' spellings

We circled around for a bit, vetoing each other's choices when eventually he had a change of heart about one of my early favourites and we went for that. DS is 7 now and I'm still really happy with our name choice.

MrsB2019x · 19/02/2021 09:19

Download Kinder - it’s Tinder for baby names. Your DP downloads it too and you can sync your apps together to get matches

noblegreenk · 19/02/2021 09:30

I was in a similar situation with my husband. I was coming up with all of the names and he just kept saying no without making any contributions of his own. In the end I came up with one that I did like but felt was slightly 'risky' and I didn't expect him him to like it much. He loved it immediately and then the name really grew on me, so that's what we named our daughter.

Ikora · 19/02/2021 09:31

We wrote down a list of names and saw if any matched. We then discussed the ones that matched.

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