If you just can’t agree on a name, what would happen when they go to register the baby?

[TeapotCollection]

Just being nosy really 😊

Our neighbours daughter is due in a couple of months and they’re at stalemate big time. Her husband wants a name that’s been in his family for years but she hates the name and won’t have it. I don’t know either of them well but our neighbours say they’ll both dig their heels in. Neighbours are finding themselves hoping it’s a girl so that it’s not a problem

Does either parent legally get the final say?

If they are married it could be a case of who gets to the registry office first. If they aren't married he can not register without her.

Seems like a difficult situation.

What will actually happen at the registry office is the person will look at them both blankly while they grow up and choose a name, and if they can’t they’ll send them away to rebook for another day.

@QueenOfPain

What will actually happen at the registry office is the person will look at them both blankly while they grow up and choose a name, and if they can’t they’ll send them away to rebook for another day.

This 👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼

Not popular on here but I think the mother should have final say if the father is not budging on the family name thing.

Family name should be middle name.

I know someone whose parents had decided on a name and the dad went to register the baby, changed his mind on the way and gave the baby a completely different name, one not even on the consideration list! The parents are still married - if my husband had done that, he'd be under the patio.
I do believe you can change a baby's name if you do it within the first year, so if one parent did give the child a hideous name, the other could in theory change it and not tell first parent until the child was one.

Imho, if they can't agree, the mother should get final say - she literally made a human with her body, I'd say she has more skin in the game

Yes it is difficult but I’m on her side - she doesn’t like his choice so surely they should choose a name together that suits them both

They’re married, I didn’t realise either could register the birth without the other. Don’t know if they’re aware of that. I’m not saying anything

I don’t know what happens legally if they are married, but morally, mom is the final arbiter.

I knew a couple who were like this about there first baby. Dad was so so fixed on a family name. Anyway, after he’d witnessed her go through child birth he said she could call the baby whatever she wished.

Might be worth the neighbours finding out the sex just to see if it’s a live issue.

At the moment there’s about a 4-5 month delay on registration appointments (at least in our area) so they may have more time to argue it out! Also they were only allowing one person from married couples to attend so she could get in there first. It if one person doesn’t like the name then it’s vetoed surely.

My grandfather did this. My gran had refused to give the family name she hated to her first two sons, so when my dad was born, his father went straight to the registry office and put down only that name, so he has no middle name and only the 'hated' family name. I really like his name, personally. ;)

The man usually lets the woman have the final say once he has witnessed the birth

Family names are pish. What if it's something hideous like Gordon?

I’m pretty sure you can just register the baby as Baby Boy [Surname] and then change the name within the first 12 months but in my area the council charge £80 for the change.

I asked the registrar this when I registered one of my children (just out of nosiness, we agreed on a name).

She said that if both parents attended and couldn't agree on a name, then their rules stated they were to take the mothers choice. Not sure if this is a local thing or what but that's what she said.

What's wrong with Gordon?

In my experience my mother won the argument and my mum's choice is my first name and the one almost everyone calls me. There's one exception - my father's choice of name is my middle name and my father has always called me by my middle name and never uses my first name. I'm over fifty years old and it's not changed. Used to utterly confuse my school and university friends when they first visited.

@ILoveShula

What's wrong with Gordon?

It's ugly AF, that's what's wrong with it.

@Historytoo

In my experience my mother won the argument and my mum's choice is my first name and the one almost everyone calls me. There's one exception - my father's choice of name is my middle name and my father has always called me by my middle name and never uses my first name. I'm over fifty years old and it's not changed. Used to utterly confuse my school and university friends when they first visited.

Did it not confuse you as a child being called one name by one parent and another by another?

I always thought babies were assigned a name by the registrar if enough time elapsed and the parents couldn't choose. As in she wants Sophie, he wants Matilda and the registrar says 'pick one or I'll call her Alice'.

I don't remember any confusion. Children are generally adaptable. Lots of families call their DC by various silly or nicknames. Ironically DH is used to name confusion as MIL and MIL's sibs (six of them!) were mostly called by their middle names by everyone. DH was very determined that we should agree and use a definitive first name.

Interesting, thanks for your input. Had a brief conversation with neighbour on the drive yesterday (I haven’t and won’t mention that their daughter could register the birth on her own) she says her son in law and his family have said they’ll use ‘their name’ regardless. Charming eh?

Doesn’t look it bothered Historytoo being called different names though 😊

I still haven’t asked what the name is, I keep forgetting! I had to giggle at Gordon, that name always makes me break into a verse of “Gordon is a moron”. Showing my age now LOL

I think I'd advise her to legally separate before she gives birth. The husband and his family sound like arseholes.

There have been lots of cases of married men registering the birth with in, doing it alone and then telling their wife when they get back. Some of them even film themselves doing it.

I would be telling the parents that either one of the baby's parents can register the birth.

Agree they sound like arseholes. I don’t know any of the family, never even seen them

Should I mention that she could register the birth on her own? I’d really appreciate opinions on this. I’m happily child free so can’t put myself in anyone’s position here

I would mention it. I'd also mention that he too can register alone. They brought the subject up. I think that mum might need help - her h sounds like a bully, backed up by his own family.

His family sound ridiculous. I can't imagine getting involved like that. They're essentially trying to bully her. What a relationship she's in! If my brother had a child and really wanted to use a name but his wife didn't I just would stay out of it, as surely any normal person would?

Also, a few people mentioned that there are men who go to register a name and do what they want rather than what they as a couple agreed to. That's ridiculous and I can't believe the women put up with that. I wouldn't be with anyone like that. It's just controlling and manipulative.