AIBU not honouring dead family with name

[yippieplubath]

friend's FIL lets call him Rodger died with friends DH was a teen. When friend was pregnant with a boy her DH was adamant that he wanted to honour his father with the name Rodger.

Friend felt it was offencive to say that she didn't like the name so came up with many more but her DH kept saying that it was really important for him to honour his father. The DH didn't place any value on middle names so didn't want it to be the middle name and was very happy for his wife to choose middle names of this child and the first names of any following child. The DH is a very nice man if this is relevant and this was something that made him feel closer to his father and that he really cared about.

The name isn't Rodger but its very similar and a little old fashioned. Friend didn't hate the name at all but didn't want to call her child this name and really wanted an unusual name.

If this was me I would have vetoed the name in a respectful name. For me I would want my child to have a first and second name that I really liked. Would this make me a raging bitch?

Baby Rodger is now 4

I’m guessing it’s Rodney.

My ex demanded a certain name for ds1 naming him after his grandad him and his family pressed for it my family countered with suggestions of a middle name from my moms father i never got to name my eldest two children because of families I named my third but I regret not standing my ground over the first two

It would be mean not to allow it as a middle name.

But God no, not as a first name. Parents have to both like a child’s name. This guy was being a dick.

I think it’s Richard.

I don't think the death of a family member or close friend should dictate what you call your children! While I understand the beauty in honoring someone by using their name or a derivative of their name, I think you can honor people in less ... life altering ways, if that makes sense. I also think not using a dead relative's name doesn't make you miss or love that relative any less!

No way would i have used it

Is it Rupert?

But no way would I have done it. Dh dad had died long before we had dc and there was no way I was using any relative name, dead or alive. I wanted my children to have their own name and not some livi g token of who won the "They have our family name" competition that seems sometimes to happen.

@SallyTimms not Rupert and @ArosAdraDrosDolig not Richard

Damn 😂
I wouldn’t have done it btw! Middle name if massively important to DH but not first name.

Not unreasonable. I loved the idea of naming DS after my DGF but he had a very dated first name and his middle name was far worse than anything suggested on here.

Raymond?. I knew a baby Raymond a few years ago!! Seemed odd!

I would dig my heels in even more over the MiL calling the baby Rodger when the name hadn’t been chosen. I would find that quite disrespectful.

But no, I wouldn’t use a name I even slightly disliked. I would compromise on a middle name choice.

I've got absolutely nothing useful to add to the thread, but I think the name is Roderick.

It doesn't really matter what FIL's name was.
MIL should not be pressurising OP on what to name the baby.

Someone I know was bullied into naming her DS into the name of his father, grandfather,..., but they used a nn. (Think Jack short for James, or similar, with the nn as a compromise)
Jack* is now a grown man with DC of his own and has never been called his BC name other than officially.

Jack's DS is not called James. Friend divorced her husband.

• Changed the names as it might identify someone.

It's kind of awkward how the 2 generations earlier names tend to be the unpopular ones but it is what it is.

You can't always have what you want. If it's that important to the child's father, I would let him have the name. Once it becomes your child's name, it becomes special because it's his anyway.

Who are these women, and it does seem to be women, who let other people name their children names they don’t like, seriously?
Just say no. I wouldn’t dream of telling a future dil what she should call her child I would expect her to tell me to dos off if I tried.

Sod off

You can't always have what you want. If it's that important to the child's father, I would let him have the name.

Maybe the child’s father can’t always have what he wants either

Naming a child should be done by the two parents, no-one else, and it should be a joint decision.

My partners sister died tragically young. They were really close so we used her name for the middle name. I hate it, have hated the name since I was a kid but I know it means a lot to the family.

Raymond
Robert
Roland
Randall
Is it one these???

If it is Roland, I really like it. Roly is nice as a nn although for some reason it makes me think of Sharon Watts' poodle

I think if it was a parent who'd died "young" then I think that's very different to Aunt Abel's favourite niece kind of think.
And it depends on hate Vs not my favourite and would mean the world to DH.

I think both parents have right of veto so my compromise would have been middle name.

MIL was well out of line.

@Alwayswrongneverright well you're right this time