Rupert

[Roundncircles]

I need help as I'm really struggling to move past this. We called our son Rupert as it was my husbands favourite name. It took me a while to come round to it, as I thought it was a bit 'out there' - he is our second child. To me it's quite an upper class, very English name, and I didn't realise until recently that it was a slang term for a bit of a useless army officer 😟. I am from a very working class Irish background, my husband is English and we live in England. I have always wanted to go with my Grandads name if I ever had a son, but my husband didn't think it quite worked with our surname and I was really sad about it. So, as my husband really loved Rupert, we went with it. When we announced the name, a few people laughed about it and it made me feel really self conscious about it. I always assumed we would have another child, and then I could have a name that I loved, but it wasn't until my son was a few months old, with the name firmly embedded that my husband made it very clear that he didn't want any more children. Anyway, cut to five years later, and I very much resent my husband for both of these things and I am finding it really hard to get past them. My son is the most precious thing in the world to me, and I hate that I am self conscious about his name. To be clear, I am very conscious of not projecting any of this on to my son and making him feel anything other than love for his own name.

That must be so difficult on both counts, I’m sorry!

Ultimately, it’s you who has to be ok with it, but for what it’s worth, I think it’s a really lovely name and I wanted to use it but couldn’t. Not everyone shares the opinion of the strange/rude people who judged it negatively and felt it appropriate to comment.

Just wanted to say that Rupert is no longer so so strongly associated with a particular class
I know babies on council estate called Rupert and Hugo

Hi there
Very similar situation myself so I understand how you feel. As time has gone on, I've had to let it become less of an issue. His name suits him and I do like it but I still resent my husband!
Try to let it go. By the way, I love the name Rupert, I think it's great

I agree that Rupert doesn’t have the upper class connotations that it used to. It’s quite mainstream now. I know a Rupert from a working class family.

It's a lovely name and I have never heard any slang terms associated with it.

I know a couple of Ruperts. None are from an upper-class army-type background. One is a very tough Australian.

I haven't personally heard of that slang and I don't have any particular associations with the name Rupert. But anyway as time goes by associations definitely change eg. 20 years ago Henry was considered a bit posh " Hooray Henry" etc - now it's a classic name used by all economic groups. By the time your son is an adult, it will be the same for Rupert (the way Hugo is becoming used by all classes now as a pp said).

While at 5 years old I don't think you can suddenly call your son by a different name; could you possibly add your Grandad's name as an extra middle name if it would make you feel better? (Either informally or by deed poll with your husbands agreement).

I have heard the slang term but it still wouldn’t put me off the name Rupert (not least because the most amazing sex I ever had in my life was a ONS with an Irishman called Rupert )

Nearly all the Ruperts I've met who are now middle aged were snobbish twits. I doubt the younger generation would fit the same stereotypes though.

Love the name Rupert. 😍 Wish I'd called my ds that

I absolutely love the name Rupert but unfortunately my husband didn't like it! But seriously I have never heard of it referred to as an army person or as anything derogatory at all. I know a child Rupert who is known as Ru, so if it really bothers you you could shorten it, but really I'd embrace what is just a lovely name,

Rupert is one of my favourite names. I was not aware of any slang use and it would not stop me from using it. I'm so sorry that people laughed at you when his name was announced. I would be joyous is someone announced Rupert as their baby's name!

This is not just about the name itself though, is it, but about the fact that your wishes about your son's name were over-ridden, the grief of not using the loved name, and the grief of not having the third child that you wanted. I wonder if your husband really heard these 3 griefs and understood where you were coming from - whether that would help you?

I so often see on this site, and other naming sites, husbands over-riding mother's wishes about baby names. sometimes it is subtly done - 'we both have to agree on the name', which is code for he gets to veto everything I like, but I have to compromise and agree to one of his suggestions. It happened to me too. Often, but not always, the name of the baby is deeply meaningful to the mother in a way that the father does not understand. Baby naming actually seems to show up the power-imbalances in relationships in a clear way, often seen in retrospect.

Wishing you all the best with dealing with this.

'if' not is

Rupert is a gorgeous name and is one of my absolute favourites. Could you add your grandads name as a middle name? X

I have never heard that slang term before. I love the name Rupert. I always associate it with Rupert Campbell Black.

I’d see about getting your Grandad’s name added.

I’ve never ever heard any Rupert associations. It’s a fab name, really classy OP

Google Prince Rupert of Rhine, he was a proper swashbuckler! He had a crazy life of soldiering and piracy.
A name is what you make it, your ds will make his name unique to him.

I love Rupert. Really wanted to use it for my son but went with another top choice.

For what it's worth, I really like Rupert. The only Rupert I know is the son of an army officer (himself from an army family)...so I'm not sure that this slang use is that common?!

Does your husband know about how you are feeling? It sounds like having the opportunity to express the depth of your feelings about how things happened and having him listen and respond (ideally calmly and thoughtfully) would be the most helpful thing to happen now. By the sound of it you have spent 5 years trying to move on, yet there is still enough emotion to prompt you to post here. Maybe you have to turn towards the emotion and work at processing it in order to move forward?

My heart goes out to you. This sounds really tough, so well done for trying to convey positivity to your child about his name in this context.

I can understand your frustration. I'm sorry things worked out like that and I'm not sure how to get passed it. I like the suggestion of adding the grandfather's name as a middle name if that would be possible? You could explain to your husband you thought you'd have more children and since you're not perhaps your son could have a name added as a middle name.

I understand where you're coming from with Rupert, as to me too it seems quite posh and English, though saying that I do really like it and since you're in England I can't imagine he'll have any issues. It was mean of people to laugh about it.

Call him Rue for short.

My husband names DC2 so I understand where you're coming from on that side. I don't have much to add but I just wanted to say that I know a few Ruperts, all of which are very successful in life/their chosen field. I know that doesn't change how you feel about it but hopefully it at least gives you some reassurance. Every name has some sort of nickname etc associated with it, even the super common ones. If there isn't anything obvious, kids will find something else anyway so I honestly really, REALLY wouldn't worry about the army officer thing. I didn't even know that was a thing until I read your post. Anyway, sending love and hoping that the way you are feeling gives you a break soon.

I think it is a lovely name, you can always give him a nickname like Rupes which i think is nice too. Shame you didn't give him your grandfathers name as a middle name.

I am sure when you look at him you cant imagine him as anything else but Rupert and any resentment towards your husband is just taking up negative energy in your life you really could do without. I would make peace with it and embrace that Rupert is a nice and popular name.

I’m sorry if I’m making inferences which aren’t there but it sounds very much like this isn’t really about your son’s name. How is your marriage more generally?