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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Using same name as friend

33 replies

Poppyolive90 · 14/12/2020 22:28

Hi,

I’m not pregnant yet but hopefully one day soon. We’ve had names picked out for years as we’ve been together a very long time. One of my partners friend’s wives has had a baby this week and they have named him our chosen boys name. I had a bit of a cry due to the fact that I’m not even pregnant yet and I feel like they’ve used the name and we can’t now. I know no one owns a name and I’m not even pregnant yet but I’m feeling quite fraught about the fact we’re still trying which I think is adding to my feelings.

I’d say it’s an unusual name, but one everyone has heard before. It’s top 500 so not ‘unique’ but just not in fashion at the moment. I’m worried that if we ever are lucky enough to have a baby it will look like we just copied them if we use that name.

Rambling post, sorry I just feel very emotional at the moment. I think I just want to know what you would think if someone in the same friendship group used the same name? My husband sees him pretty often, he’s definitely in his best friend group. But as a couple we don’t see them so often.

TLDR; would you use the same name as someone in your friendship group had used or would you think it was weird if someone did that?

OP posts:

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JanewaysBun · 14/12/2020 22:34

Hmmmm
I'm not sure, is it more your choice than DH's? If it is I would just go with it as less weird if dh goes along with your name vs picks the name himself iyswim?

Is it like Robert? If sonylu could always lie and say it's a family name

I wouldn't cut a name I loved if it was important to me esp as id be giving it up for someone I personally wasn't friends with iyswim

Anyway blokes are less worried about this stuff tbh. Yoir DH will probably say the name and his mate will have forgotten it by next week

SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel · 14/12/2020 22:40

By the time you are pregnant or any baby arrives you may prefer a completely different name though, surely?

Personally I think it would be strange to use the same name, esp if quite uncommon at the moment but agree noone owns a name

Original poster

Poppyolive90 · 14/12/2020 22:41

It’s a name we both agreed on (basically the only one!) but it’s important to me as it’s a welsh name and my
Maiden name was welsh and my grandparents on my fathers side were welsh and I want to honour them in some way. I do feel like we could get away with the family name line due to that?

Only thing is we aren’t in wales so the name does stand out a bit in the South East!

OP posts:

Original poster

Poppyolive90 · 14/12/2020 22:42

Sun It’s been our imaginary future child’s name for a good few years now. And hopefully it won’t be too long before we have our own child

OP posts:

Britannah · 14/12/2020 22:43

Sorry you are feeling this way OP 💜 Firstly, I really really would try not to worry too much at this stage - appreciate that’s easier said than done but you may go into have little girls or if you have a son decide he doesn’t suit that name/actually prefer another name which is very common. However if you have a little boy and still have your heart set on this name then just use it. I personally chose not to select any of the names our close friends have BUT to be fair non of them have picked names I have fancied so fairly easy for me. If they did and I genuinely couldn’t think of another name I liked more I would just go for it. They will understand I’m sure and at the end of the day nobody owns a name. Best of luck and sending lots of baby dust your way xx

JanewaysBun · 14/12/2020 22:51

Seeing as you have a connection I would totally go for it and maybe say it's one of your GPs middle names.

Have you spoken to the friend since the baby was born? When you do a casual "such a lovely name, that's actually the name we have chosen should we ever have a boy- maybe they will be good friends". If they are rude then that makes thrm the CF.

Fwiw my DD's name is like 800 on the charts, I announced name on FB and one of my (tbh not close) friends said exactly that. She's due any day with her DD and the only thought that entered my mind when she said it was "im glad she knows it's the best ever girl name haha"

calimommy · 14/12/2020 22:52

For YEARS I had 4 names picked out for girls (I had this notion I would end up with a house full of girls) and I repeatedly told family and friends what they were with the hope no one would use them. I had 3 boys 😉☺️ and now I am pregnant again, and very surprised that it is a girl, but we have completely gone off the names. I think we wore them out. Incidentally with each previous pregnancy my list of names changed -we felt differently about the names each time we were expecting. You may never have a boy, you may take years to conceive, etc there are so many variables. If you end up
lucky enough to have a baby boy I would still use the name you have picked -they are JUST names at the end of the day, millions of people have the same names all the time.

Original poster

Poppyolive90 · 14/12/2020 22:53

Thank you Britannah. I felt a bit like I was winded. Yet another month of disappointment and then obviously I really am happy for them and felt so awful for being selfish and crying (obviously just to DH!!) but I feel like when is it my turn and them using the name we had picked made it that bit more painful.

OP posts:

Original poster

Poppyolive90 · 14/12/2020 23:00

I wouldn’t mind if a friend used our name after us at all, I just know some people can be funny about it and wouldn’t want anyone to think we had just copied.

I think I will say oh that’s one of my favourite names/always been top of my list or something when we see them so at least they know we might if we finally manage to have a baby.

And totally true we may only have girl(s)!

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Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 14/12/2020 23:16

Close friends of ours used the name we had chosen for our DS and it honestly didn't occur to us not to use the same name two years later. Just do it and don't worry about it. Good luck for the future.

Original poster

Poppyolive90 · 14/12/2020 23:18

oblahdee did they say anything to you about it??

OP posts:

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 14/12/2020 23:27

I'm sorry it's not all happening as quickly as you'd like. It's stressful.

Its not surprising that you cried. It's really not.

Hopefully your time will come really soon.

You might not still love the name by then, but if you do, definitely use it!

Original poster

Poppyolive90 · 14/12/2020 23:33

Thank you, witches. We’re trying not to get too worried yet (easier said than done) as it hasn’t been a full year yet, but we’d been putting off trying for a few years due to circumstances so the ‘wait’ feels like it’s been so long now.

OP posts:

IamnotwhouthinkIam · 14/12/2020 23:52

You are right no one owns a name and it sounds like it means a lot to you. If you saw them daily or even weekly and so your kids would be together very often, I'd say it could be difficult to use the name but otherwise.... Just say to them next time you see them "by the way, X was the name we always planned to use if we have a boy, it's so great to know other people love it as much as we do!".

And then in future IF you are due to have a boy (AND assuming it's still your fave name), remind your partner's friend by saying a breezy "Oh by the way, we still love X as much as we always have - hope it won't be awkward when we name our boy that too, hehe", as if it's a done deal - you aren't asking for opinions on it. If you don't make a big deal of it, neither will others.

resm · 15/12/2020 23:23

Definitely think you should use the name if you’re still in love with it. Friends can drift, the children wouldn’t be in the same age group, etc... one potentially awkward conversation is better than having name regret. They will probably be thrilled that you like the name as much as they did anyway.

MercyBodle · 16/12/2020 02:12

I'm sorry for how you're feeling. I would use the name anyway. Also, in chatting with the friends now I would tell them that you love the name - and in fact it's the same name that you have picked out if you have a little boy one day - that you've had it picked for years. Then just use it if the time comes, and try not to stress about it.

OffredOfjune · 16/12/2020 02:19

If you aren't all that close to them, i'd still use it

Crustmasiscoming · 16/12/2020 02:22

Just use the name, it's fine. If they question it just tell them it's a family name from your Welsh side and you'd picked it years ago.

My kids have very unusual names and I honestly wouldn't give a toss if someone else chose to use those names. I think people who get worked up about stuff like that probably don't have a lot going on in their lives.

BigWholeBean · 16/12/2020 02:49

My best friend named her baby the same name as my oldest. And it made me SO happy that we both have an “name”. It’s a popular name, I don’t feel propriety over it at all. And when I talk to her I get a kick out of saying “how’s your name?” And she’ll ask how mine is.

Twelve8Ts · 21/12/2020 17:09

I think if they knew all of this and knew how much it meant to you then they would have no problem with it at all.
You have your heart set on it and it’s good to focus on something you want to happen. Good luck x

DacwMamYnDwad · 21/12/2020 19:11

If it is a welsh name it probably won't be that popular UK-wide, but might be very popular in Wales. I'm thinking of something like Rhys, Osian or Gethin.
I don't think it would raise too many eyebrows if you used the names.

If it is something a bit more unusual, like Peredur, Taliesin or Aneurin, it might.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. You might go off the name anyway.

Best wishes for TTC.

Dozer · 21/12/2020 19:13

If you have a DC of that sex and still want to use the name, just do so! Doesn’t matter what others think / say.

Calmondeck · 21/12/2020 21:12

@Poppyolive90 I have been in your boat twice! My DH is 5 years older than me and 99% of his friends have children already, many multiple kids. But in fact it was two of my friends who gave their kids names DH & I adored. When my friend had her son I told her “I love that name more than any, excellent choice, I’m probably going to steal it in X years”. She laughed and said the boys would probably become best buddies. Same thing a few months ago when a friend had her daughter. She gave her quite an uncommon name that my DH & I didn’t think anyone would ever use but us (it just goes to show you’re never as original as you imagine). When congratulating my friend on the birth I could honestly gush at her name choice and told her my DH & I would have to go back to the drawing board. She was so grateful with the affirmation for the name, admitting because it’s uncommon they had been unsure how it would be received, and said there was plenty of room in the world for two [name]’s if/when we had a girl. Now that we are finally expecting (hang in there, it will happen) those names don’t seem right anymore (despite being great names). It has surprised me so much because I was adamant our boy and girl would have those names. Brush this off for now, you can definitely still use the name.

Bamboo15 · 21/12/2020 21:15

I would just use the name you have chosen. You can always use a little nickname when everyone is all together - they don’t own a name just cause they used it first. You may have a girl first and a boy never or in a few years when it will feel less weird.

HeronLanyon · 21/12/2020 21:20

I wouldn’t worry about it now.
In the end of you do become pregnant and if you have a boy then whenever that is you can I think use the name. If it doesn’t feel right when the time comes then you have a rethink to another welsh boys name.
for sure don’t worry about it at all now.
See what happens and how you feel then if you have a boy.

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