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Original poster

When did you get used to your DC's names?

27 replies

Alotlikechristmas · 09/12/2020 23:44

We have a 3 month old boy and I am still not entirely comfortable with addressing and refering to him by his name. I do make a conscious effort to use it daily, but it still feels a bit weird and doesn't come as natural to me as baby, sweetie, etc. With my dd1, her name suited her straight away. With dd2 it took a few weeks, I can't remember how many, but was def less than 3 months.
Just to add that his name was not my first choice, in fact it wasn't even on my list, but I was talked into it by dh. I dont know if that has anything to do with it.
Anyone else had similar experience? Will he ever grow into his name?

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calimommy · 10/12/2020 06:49

I'd have expected to be used to it by now tbh. Or even to have a moniker of sorts. Is it a family name on your DH side?

zigaziga · 10/12/2020 06:54

Oh ages. I find proper adult names feel ludicrous on a newborn.

With DD I do love her name now she’s a toddler but I actually randomly went off it and struggled to say it for a while (many months) when she was a baby. With DS I never questioned the name but I felt it looked silly on a tiny baby for the first few months.

I remember one of my friends (who always loved her DD’s name) calling her daughter “baby” until nearly 1 and then transitioning into “baby Name” and it took her probably past 1 year to use it on its own regularly.

Fredisbest · 10/12/2020 07:21

Oh do not worry I was exactly the same. We always said my husband would pick boy name and I would pick girl therefore my sons name was not my first choice.
He does however really suit his name

Levatrice · 10/12/2020 07:23

Probably quite normal at this stage , particularly if it wasn’t one of your favourite names? I wouldn’t worry too much Smile

Rjd13 · 10/12/2020 08:31

I felt weird about my son having a name for ages. I think when they start to show a bit of personality it becomes more natural.

Original poster
Alotlikechristmas · 10/12/2020 09:32

@calimommy

I'd have expected to be used to it by now tbh. Or even to have a moniker of sorts. Is it a family name on your DH side?
Yes, it is 👍

I don't particularly like it, but I don't hate it either. Guess I'm just "meh, it's ok" about it. DD1's name was my 1st choice and DH agreed, DD2's name was 50/50 compromise between us and now with DS I felt it's only fair to give DH some advantage when choosing the name. But now I can't get used to it Confused

OP posts:
Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 10/12/2020 09:34

Ds 6 rarely gets his actual name - feels weird!! Is there a version you feel happier using?

Original poster
Alotlikechristmas · 10/12/2020 09:40

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

Ds 6 rarely gets his actual name - feels weird!! Is there a version you feel happier using?
Yes, I thought about it and even tried using different versions, but none of them feels better so far. I'm hoping a nn will come up as he grows or I just get used to his name.
OP posts:
MyNameForToday1980 · 10/12/2020 10:09

DD also has a name primarily chosen by DH - it's not necessarily a name I would have chosen (it's perfectly nice, and it suits her). But equally I didn't have a preference for another name so was happy to go with his preference.

She's grown into it (she's now 4yo) - and it's automatic and natural to call her it. Though strangely I often call her by my sister's name - I'm much older than my sister, so she's the only small child I knew really well before having DD.

TrySarahTops · 10/12/2020 11:13

When we had DD1, I used my all time favourite name that my dh and I had said we'd like from a few years before she was born. She was always going to have her name.

When DD2 was born, my favourite name had already been taken and we couldn't agree a second name we both liked. So we had a compromise name. During the first year, I seriously considered changing DD2s name as it was such a grown up name, it just didn't fit well with a baby, think something similar to William.

But over the years, DD2 found a nickname that really suits her and fast forward ten years or so, I prefer DD2s name to DD1s, if I was renaming my children today, I'd keep DD2s name but would change DD1s.

I hope that helps to reassure. Some names are trickier on babies. My DDs name is a grown up name and she has grown into it, I'm sure your son will too. But it did take me two years!

jabice · 10/12/2020 11:23

I felt like that for months! People would ask me her name and I would have to think what it was 😂.

It got normal after about 5 months x

Luckystar1 · 10/12/2020 11:28

With my eldest child, we called him a nickname until he was about 18 months, now he get his actual name, always (I mean aside from little pet names we have for him).

With my middle child, it took ages to use the proper name, and even now at 4, it’s largely a nickname given by DC1 as a toddler, but increasingly the full name.

With DC3, still a baby, still don’t really use the full name...!

NameChange30 · 10/12/2020 11:28

You don't like the name so you should change it.

I assume your DH did/does actually like the name you chose for DD1? If he didn't like the name, you wouldn't have insisted, would you?

He was unfair to insist this time. I bet they have his surname, too!

What about middle names? Does DS have a middle name that you would both like as a first name? If so could you swap them? Or just give a new first name and change the current one to a middle name.

helloxhristmas · 10/12/2020 11:31

My kids rarely get called their names there have been variations of nic names / pet names etc, but I like their actual names. Isn't there some phrase 'a much loved child has many names'?

If you don't like it though, change it.

calimommy · 10/12/2020 15:47

@Alotlikechristmas that makes sense. Family names can feel like they belong to someone else imo. Eventually the name will be 'him' though. My second is Alexander and at the time it felt funny to call a tiny baby such a long name but he grew into it and now no one actually shortens it, he's always Alexander.

Lorazz · 10/12/2020 15:47

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Original poster
Alotlikechristmas · 10/12/2020 17:42

I had thought about changing it, but that would be my absolute last resort because:

  1. Although DH would agree if I insist, I know he is going to be unhappy about it as he was really hung up on the name
  1. I don't want to hurt the feelings of the person who DS is named after
  1. DS has already got a middle name AND a patronymic. If we were to give him a new name, his current first would have to be a second middle name as we wouldn't just drop it. It would then be first name-middle name-middle name-patronymic-surname...bit too long I think Hmm

I would change it though, if it continues to bother me, but I sooo want to get used to it, due to the ponts above. I just want some reassurance that one day it would just "click", obviously noone knows if that would happen. If only I could foresee the future Wink

And yeah, it is quite a grown up name, maybe that's part of the problem, too.

If I could turn back time I wouldn't agree to it, but I thought I would have got used to it by now.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 10/12/2020 21:10

Let me get this straight. Your DS has:

  1. A first name dictated by his father that's from his father's side of the family
  2. A middle name
  3. A patronymic which is by definition from his father
  4. His father's surname

And what about his mother? The woman who grew and birthed him and is presumably now on maternity leave doing most of the care? What did you get to choose, the middle name?!

calimommy · 10/12/2020 22:17

@Alotlikechristmas I think you will get used to it. Can you have a few things made with his name on them? Like personalised art for the nursery? I don't have a link but there is a woman on Etsy who goes by Peaches&chilli or something and she does fab paper cut work. I had some pieces made by her for my guys. I'm really not in favour of changing babies names, it is just a name at the end of the day, and you made some solid points about why it would be difficult in your situation.

Original poster
Alotlikechristmas · 10/12/2020 22:28

@NameChange30

Let me get this straight. Your DS has:
  1. A first name dictated by his father that's from his father's side of the family
  2. A middle name
  3. A patronymic which is by definition from his father
  4. His father's surname

And what about his mother? The woman who grew and birthed him and is presumably now on maternity leave doing most of the care? What did you get to choose, the middle name?!

1 to 4: That's right. Doesn't sound fair, but the patronymic and the father's surname are there by default, that's just how it is in our culture (not originally from the UK), older DC have them too. Middle name was chosen together, but its not what I'd want for his first name, so no swapping option. I can change his first name if I want to, but I'd rather not do it if chances are I will be happy with it in the future. Hence this thread...
OP posts:
NameChange30 · 10/12/2020 22:29

You've never liked the name and you're not going to miraculously start liking it. You'll just learn to live with it.

FunnysInLaJardin · 10/12/2020 22:35

My children are Fabian and Raphael. For a long time they were Fabie Babie and Rafie Wafie. They eventually grow into their names, although my two are now Fabes and Rafes, rarely do we use their full names!

You just adapt tbh and at 11 and 15 they still get called by their baby names at times!

Original poster
Alotlikechristmas · 10/12/2020 22:35

[quote calimommy]@Alotlikechristmas I think you will get used to it. Can you have a few things made with his name on them? Like personalised art for the nursery? I don't have a link but there is a woman on Etsy who goes by Peaches&chilli or something and she does fab paper cut work. I had some pieces made by her for my guys. I'm really not in favour of changing babies names, it is just a name at the end of the day, and you made some solid points about why it would be difficult in your situation. [/quote]
That's actually a very good idea, thank you! I will look into it.
Another point in favour of keeping it is that although the name itself isn't my favourite, I like its meaning and the family history that goes with it, plus it's strong and classic, uncommon but not made up.

OP posts:
Ihateezoflora · 12/12/2020 03:05

My daughter is one and while I LOVE her name, sometimes I still feel weird using it as she is so small! I feel it is too big for her. At 3 months I think we all still referred to her as 'baby' because she was just too small for anything else! Blush

August20 · 12/12/2020 03:29

My much younger cousin was referred to as "baby" or "the baby" until about eighteen months old! Grin She did have a name right from birth but no one used it for a long time

Also when cajoling a toddler I find myself using terms of endearment like "sweet pea" and "honey" a lot more than their real name.

I say get some artwork or items with his name on them. Maybe have a routine where you greet him in the morning with "good morning name!"

Surely with his older siblings around using his name you will become more accustomed to it.

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