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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

My name's been robbed... By accident!

66 replies

MetalheadMel · 31/10/2020 13:32

So this is possibly a bit daft but just need to share as I think my husband will leave me if I bring it up again!!! Our DS was born 3.5 years ago and we had a few name contenders before ultimately settling on one after much disagreement. I really do like this name but couldn't quite shake the feeling it was possibly the 'wrong' one. Anyway, to console me my husband said we could name a potential ds2 this other name so shut up about it. Anyway we are now pregnant again which is great... But one of my close mates has just named her baby the name I wanted...eeek!! She had no idea I liked this name so if wasn't 'taken' from me but ever since have just felt really upset. I can't even bring myself to say the name of her baby with her, which is just awful because I'm so so happy for her but I just feel green with envy. Am I being super daft? Has this happened to anyone? More importantly, how did you find peace with it?? X

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Emelene · 31/10/2020 14:32

Are you sure you will be friends with this person for life and that having 2 little Bobs in the friendship group would bother you? There will be plenty of people who don't know him as "Bob 2".

I agree with previous posters, if this is the name you wanted and regret not using, then I would go ahead.

Sally872 · 31/10/2020 14:34

Loved the name Matthew when expecting dc1 had a girl so didn't use it. Friend named her baby Matthew when I was pregnant again and the time came to choose Matthew was then off the table, I wasn't bothered at all. Ds2 is now 4 and I much prefer his name.

Coffeecak3 · 31/10/2020 14:38

Personally I think you’re being ridiculous. You may move away, you may stop being friends and you’ll have chosen a name you didn’t really want for your child.
My uncle was named Bill and a year later his cousin was born and also called Bill, nobody cared, nobody got mixed up and the dc didn’t think it was terrible being Bill 2.

NameChange84 · 31/10/2020 14:39

You have no way of guaranteeing that he will be the only “Rodrigo” etc

So he could end up at school at be “Rodrigo 2 or 3”. I know 3 Beau’s for example who’s mothers all thought they’d be the only one.

In all likelihood they are never referred as “Rodrigo” and “Rodrigo 2”. At school we often would say “Ava Carter” and “Ava Smith” or “Ava” and “Ava Rose”.

I think you’d be incredibly daft to give up on the name you love for this reason. If you wanted to let go then you would but part of you is so keen to use the name you are actually grieving for it. So use it. As others say, people move or grow apart, these kids aren’t necessarily going to grow up alongside each other for 18 years and then how would you feel?

If you had named your oldest this name there’s still a huge chance your friend would have named their child the same name that they did and never have given it a second thought.

Are you definitely having a DS? I haven’t seen you say for sure that you are...

Haworthia · 31/10/2020 14:40

I hate the way these threads always end up with the OP being patronised and told she’s being stupid.

I understand your disappointment OP, I really do. You have minor regrets about baby #1’s name and now you feel like you can’t use this name you love. I know what it’s like to have your heart set on a name. And, despite people telling you to just use it, they wouldn’t actually have to live with the consequences of looking like you’d copied your friend (and, realistically, that is what it would look like).

I don’t think there’s a perfect solution here. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Titterofwit · 31/10/2020 14:42

Use the damn name . Fast forward 15 years and its likely your tight friendship group is but a distant memory. So you would have 'wasted' the opportunity to use the name you wanted.
Nobody cares - really they dont. Your baby will be themselves and will not be mixed up with the first child.
Plus ,on re-reading ,I see you dont even know the sex of the new baby anyway yet - so the point is more than likely moot.

diddl · 31/10/2020 14:43

Yeah-I don't think that you're being daft at all, Op.

Much as we know that we're unlikely to be choosing a unique name, I'm not sure that many of us would use the same name that a friend just has?

GinAtMerlottes · 31/10/2020 14:47

Are you happy to share the name with us? Maybe there’s a variant or something similar we haven’t thought of?

I shared my favourite boys name (Noah) with a friend when she was pregnant, and I wasn’t. She had a girl bit after having her told me she’d loved Noah so much she would have used it. I then became pregnant myself and jokingly shared the story with a totally different friend, who was about to give birth, and you guessed it, she called her baby Noah when he was born a few weeks later . She was unapologetic and just said “look, I loved it, I hadn’t though of it and it felt right, and obvs you still use it if you want to”. I didn’t by then and when I gave birth to my son a few months later I’d found a name I love love loved and left Noah in the shade (IMO obvs). Now there are a million Noahs everywhere so that’s even better.

BessMarvin · 31/10/2020 14:48

Ignore the bitchy remarks. For some reason on MN some people just can't help themselves.

I had similar. Wasn't as attached as you but the name top of our list for DS was used shortly before he was born by another family member, and I didn't want to use it too as it was unusual and I felt it'd look silly.

Since then about 1 in 5 boys seem to have this name so I'm relieved we didn't use it and I love the name we did go with.

I have no idea if that's remotely useful!

GinAtMerlottes · 31/10/2020 14:49

To clarify, still really good friends with friend B, love her to bits and hold no grudge, partly because she owned what had happened and also I do think I found a nicer name out of it!

Original poster

MetalheadMel · 31/10/2020 14:52

Thanks guys, these last few comments here have been very kind. I was starting to wish I'd never posted!
I take people's points about names not belonging to people and so on, but I won't name my son this name anymore. I'm sure I'll find another I like, I was just hoping to swap been-there-before stories

OP posts:

MimiDaisy11 · 31/10/2020 15:13

Have you mentioned to your friend that that was the name you had chosen too? Like others have said no one owns a name and I'm sure most people wouldn't be weird about it.

JamMakingWannaBe · 31/10/2020 15:17

Before she was born, I planned to name my DD Estelle, Ruby or Caitlin. NONE of these names suit her and she has a totally different name. Wait until your baby arrives and choose a name then.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 31/10/2020 15:37

I know where you're coming from OP. My brother, unknowingly, used my favourite ever girls name for his dd1. Its the name I've always imagined giving my own dd, ever since childhood. Only I don't have a dd. Only sons. I was upset to start with, but actually the name I love belongs to a little girl I adore rather than an imaginary girl who might never exist.

His DD2 has the same name as DD1s best friend. The DC think it's funny!
I also (unknowingly) used DSsis favourite boys name for one of my DSs. She told me when he was about 10. But she's never had a son, so had i known and not used it, it wouldn't get used.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 31/10/2020 15:46

I'd just it anyway if I were you OP.
I have one child with the same name as two of his cousins. All three have different surnames so it's not a big deal. They are called by variations of the name, think Matthew, Matt, Mattie. (not the actual name) Mine is the oldest, and I never even thought anyone was copying me.
For all you know your friend my move and your kids won't know each other long, or another family moves near and yours will be one of three or four at school with the same name.

BigBigPumpkin · 31/10/2020 15:54

I get you, OP. This is one of those Mumsnet oddities. In Mumsnet land, no one would mind if their best friend's DC was named the same name as their own DC. In reality, most people I know would take a dim view of this. Just like in Mumsnet land all parents apparently use the kiddie playground equipment, despite the fact I've never seen an adult do this in real life.

My sympathies. Maybe it wouldn't have suited DC2 anyway. Do you know what sex baby you're having?

Sunsetdawn · 31/10/2020 16:08

Funny, I find in real life people are less worried about it than on mumsnet.

Ladderofyears · 31/10/2020 16:12

I understand where you're coming from. I would not have called one of my children the same name as any of my friends' children. A good friend and I were pregnant together twice - she gave birth first both times. The first time she had a ds and I had a dd (then we swapped the next time!). After I had dd she told me that, had her ds been a girl, she would have had my dd's name. I was really glad we hadn't discussed names beforehand. When I told my DH he said he would have assumed we would still have named our DD our planned name - he grew up with a whole bunch of Davids, Pauls, Steves so I think assumes it's normal to share names with friends - whereas I think it would have been totally weird to do so.
I'm sorry you've lost the possibility of the name you loved. How about using it as a middle name?
(Better still, tell us the name and we'll come up with a better version for you!)

Mishmased · 31/10/2020 19:51

@SlopesOff

If you are both pregnant (we are pregnant) you can choose a name each for your respective babies.

Or is it just one of you that is pregnant?

😂😂😂😂😂

mangoandraspberries · 31/10/2020 19:59

I’m really surprised you still wouldn’t use it tbh, but equally surprised you’d be bothered if it was the other way round! If it was your sister I’d say you have a point, but a friend I would definitely use it. How would you feel if in 10 years time you’ve lost touch with the friend, and didn’t choose the name you wanted?

justanotherneighinparadise · 31/10/2020 20:19

Give this name as a second name and find something else you love

bluebabydinosaur · 05/11/2020 21:32

Maybe it’s the universe telling you that name was never meant for either of your boys! Totally get why you wouldn’t want to use the name now. Hope you find one you really love

Moo31 · 05/11/2020 22:43

This happened to me and I was feeling exactly the same. It was our girls name from first time round. We had a boy so didn't use it. Fast forward 3 years and my sister had a girl and used it! She didn't know it was the name DS would have been if he was a girl. I wasn't even pregnant and we weren't sure if we would have a second child but I couldn't shake the feeling of sadness that I wouldn't ever be able to use that name if we did. Like it had been stolen from me. It was awful. I found it so difficult to say the name and to listen to my sister saying it. My sister even said she picked it as it goes well with my sons name! However only a few months later I have made peace with it. My niece is adorable and it is "her" name. Although we are now pregnant again and are struggling to come up with girls names that we love as much as that one!

rach2713 · 05/11/2020 22:56

At the end of the day it's just a name and no one has any given right to a certain name that no one else can use. I loved the name willow for my daughter but my husband hated it so we picked another does get me upset or hate him for not wanting that name..

Lizadork · 06/11/2020 03:19

Your baby may not look like a Bob when born - could be a non issue once you met your bundle. I'd talk to friend about your love for name and about it being an option. Another thing to consider is your originally penned this name for your first born, it may feel like a wrong name on anyone but him. I named my pregnancy belly Darcie but when baby was born, my stomach was still Darcie and my beautiful baby girl was a Delilah

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