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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby name regret at 3 years

76 replies

Andfeelingsad · 21/07/2020 09:03

I don’t really know what I’m hoping for from this thread, maybe some advice from anyone that’s been in a similar situation. I basically have always regretted my daughter’s name. My husband wouldn’t discuss names before she was born and we ended up choosing something really popular in a rush to name her. He then refused to change it when she was tiny which I so so wish we had done. She is now 3 and I still can’t get over it. All these threads where people talk about names being overused and boring make me feel guilty. I hate that people will be thinking these things about my lovely daughter and worry she’ll go through life hating her name. I had some fairly unusual names on my list and I wish I had used a more special name that I truly loved. But obviously she’s far too old to change it now so I’m just not sure how to move on and stop obsessing. Has anyone felt the same and found it got better?

OP posts:

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captainraymondholt · 21/07/2020 19:14

My dd has a name which was very popular the year she was born - top 20. We had no idea. We liked it but my teacher OH had only ever taught one. As soon as she was born we discovered it was super popular. And that a very common nn (think Evie and Evelyn) was in the top 10. I have no idea why we didn't think to check. She's just left school and has never had another child with the same name in her year. In her huge secondary school she's only aware of two others with the common nn similar to her name and none at all with her name. She also really suits her name and it fits her perfectly. I regretted its popularity whenever I introduced her aged

Wolfgirrl · 21/07/2020 19:40

Mumsnet is the LAST place you should look for advice on names. It feels like every other poster wants Ottilie or Beatrice (both hideous) because Amelia is 'just so common and chavvy'.

I'm sure her name is fine. What is it?

MikeUniformMike · 21/07/2020 21:11

Beatrice isn't hideous.

What is the name?

Wolfgirrl · 21/07/2020 21:31

@MikeUniformMike

It really is 🤮

Spied · 21/07/2020 21:39

I have mini regret around my dd's name.
( Committed the sin of the dreaded hyphen).
I still love her name and tbh it's only other people's opinions be that make me feel as I do.
We need to stop caring how we feel others will perceive us and our DC!.

Tlollj · 21/07/2020 21:40

What’s her name? It’s a bit late now to change it. I’m sure it’s fine I really don’t like names that are just outrageous for the sake of it.

sibbys · 21/07/2020 21:54

You can't change it now. Sorry. She's far too old. Where I live every other girl is called Isabella, Emma and Sophia. I do find it SO boring when I hear of another baby with that name - but I never think negatively about the child. So don't worry about it. I'd also rather hear of yet another Emma than a Bluebell Clover Rainbow Dove Unicorn.

PregnantPorcupine · 21/07/2020 22:04

As an 80s born Sarah I feel qualified to comment that having a popular name is TOTALLY FINE. I'd much rather this name than my mother's first choice (Roberta ). Your daughter will thank you one day

PlantPotting · 21/07/2020 22:23

Funny that although I'm a mid 80s baby , I've worked and studied at so many places now and never got to know any Sarah's. I think there were a couple in my year at school but they were in different classes. Since then- none! I love the name sarah and have it on my list for a DD
@PregnantPorcupine

INeedNewShoes · 21/07/2020 22:24

I’ve had niggles about DD’s name.

Something I found helpful was to search Mumsnet for threads on DD’s particular name.

I found a thread where everyone was saying positive things about it and saved it on my bookmarks bar so whenever I have a wobble I can read lots of nice comments about the name.

Anappleaday1 · 22/07/2020 08:19

I can totally relate to everything you have said op, I feel exactly the same about dd's name. What I have come to realise though is that it is my issues, I think I'm feeling resentful towards dh for not discussing names properly and then rushing to choose and feeling overly sensitive about picking a popular name because I fear I am judged as boring for using it. Like you, I find myself obsessing over it but I realise this is not at all helpful or rational! Things that help are having positive comments on her name - I know it shouldn't matter. MN is a bit of a bubble and popular names get a bad response generally, but in real life this isn't the same. Popular names are popular for a reason! Maybe it would help if you told us the name, I bet we could reassure you

Zebrasinpyjamas · 22/07/2020 08:25

Same as pregnantporcupine, I have a popular 80s name, there were 4 of us in our maths class at school and we liked it. We used to sub in for each other when asked tricky questions by the teacher .
Your dd will probably not question her name but I agree you need to come to terms with the process of how you picked it.
Dc1's name was picked on day 3 with me saying to dh, "I'm so tired, I don't care". Luckily I liked his choice as we'd agreed a shortlist.

micc · 22/07/2020 08:40

Aw this is sad you feel this way.
I've been obsessing over choosing uncommon names to the point if I like a name and its popular it puts me off. I'm obsessed with the top 100. And my daughters name is slowly becoming more and more popular and it makes me want to scream!! But my sister gave me a talking to and was like if you like a name you like a name, it doesnt matter if its popular. Its popular for a reason and If it felt right and suits her that's all that matters. My name is Isobel, in school it was relatively common but not too much, now literally every little girl is called Izzy!! Its crazy how these things change.

Try not to dwell on it. I'm sure she is a fab little girl that makes the name shine :) you could always give her a quirky nick name x

wheresmymojo · 22/07/2020 09:27

I said this on another thread yesterday.

I'm an 80's Sarah.

In fact even worse I'm an 80's Sarah Jane.

I knew two other Sarah's in primary school and secondary school.

Since then I've never worked directly with anyone called Sarah. There have been no other Sarah’s in my friendship groups in school, Uni or over the nearly 20 years since I left Uni. No one I've dated and I dated A LOT had a Sarah as an ex.

Like a PP pointed out - the actual percentage of people with the same name, even for the top names is really small.

There may be a couple at school with the same name but once you're out in the big wide world you're mixing with all different age groups.

Thinking about it - in my friendship group there are three Kates/Katie's but I don't ever think anything of that either...

wheresmymojo · 22/07/2020 09:28

@puzzledpiece

I hate my daughters middle name. My exH insisted on using the name of his ex fiancé who he still had feelings for. Luckily it's not used often, but either way it doesn't bother me now. It's a pretty name but I don't obsess over it

Well fuck. No wonder you hate that. What an arsehole.

JoyFreeCake · 22/07/2020 09:38

flooredbored — we must be the same age In my class of 24 girls, there were three Amys…

We also had many Sarahs, Claires, Rebeccas, Emmas (usually with the middle name Louise), Gemmas, Joannes/Joannas, Lauras, and Rachaels/Rachaels. And at my other school, many Kylies/Kayleighs/Kellys/Keeleys too.

MikeUniformMike · 22/07/2020 13:45

@Wolfgirrl, I think Theodore and Theodora are hideous.
Ottilie is not to my taste, as it seems trend-led and twee, Amelia seems sickly sweet, Ava and Eva etc are dull and boring and make me think of Eva Braun. etc etc
Sylvia and Audrey turn up on here a lot, and both seem truly awful to me.

It would be boring if we all liked the same thing.

GabyyGee · 23/02/2021 05:11

I want to cry reading this.. My baby boy is 2.5 and I have regretted his name the moment we walked out of the hospital! It didn't feel right but my husband was in love with it. I begged him the first entire year to let me change it. I don't think I will ever get over it. I get so much anxiety thinking about it. There's nothing we can do at this point but I wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Bristolbongos · 23/02/2021 06:37

What’s her name OP? I must admit i find some names over used such as Isla, Evie, Ava etc, but they are gorgeous names and there’s a reason they are overused. I always say pick a name you love and don’t worry about popularity!

Flittingaboutagain · 23/02/2021 07:15

I know this isn't the point of your post but your husband sounds like a stonewalling bully. What's up with the power dynamic that means you didn't just say I understand you didnt want to discuss names but this is my shortlist so pick your favourite out of these two etc?

Why did you let him do this to you?

SeanChailleach · 23/02/2021 07:23

I totally get you, @Andfeelingsad I had chosen a name and asked DH what his choice was. We went through thousands which he rejected and when he said "yes" that one, that he picked out of a favourite book, I researched it and found it is a traditional Black name and we are white (although it's not obvious, we were afraid it would be seen as appropriation). So we were all set to go with my choice. When I was in labour I told my sister the name and she hooted with laughter and said "you can't call her that" so I quickly changed to DH's choice. On the way home from hospital I thought "oh no, what have I done?" I struggled with it for years, but it really was about my sister, not the name. The thing that cleared it for me was realising that my DH does love her name: he wouldn't change it because he thinks it's a great name. Although some people are saying your DH was being dictatorial, I see my DH as being passionate about the name. Now she is a teenager, they have the same taste in books and films and it suits her name. Throughout her childhood, there are so many choices that have been mine, all mine, so I am glad she has this cultural bond with her father.
I do have a compelling reason to be obsessed with names - my own name has awful tragic associations within our family. I found out at age thirteen. It has nothing to do with the name itself.
I don't know if any of that helps, but hope some of it does.

Original poster

Andfeelingsad · 23/02/2021 09:20

@GabyyGee I’m so sorry that you also have name regret, it’s a horrible feeling. I think all I want to do is go back in time and change it which of course is impossible. It’s something you can only understand if you’re living with and I’m sure if I’d used my favourite name, I’d be blissfully unaware. I hope that with time, you feel happier and your son completely suits and loves his name

@Flittingaboutagain a very fair point. Looking back, it does seem silly. We had a lot going on at the time and he just kept putting it off. My husband does feel awful about it now but I sadly do still feel a bit cross with him about it. He just doesnt feel names are that important I suppose, which is hard for people on a naming forum to understand but I think some people just aren’t that fussed? I was convinced i was having a boy so didn’t push the girls names as much. My first choice was very unusual and I’m not sure I’d have got him to agree it but we could have found a compromise. Of course I have to take some blame, I was pregnant, hormonal and tired but I should have done more and I will always feel guilty for that.

@SeanChailleach. Thank you for your kind words. That is lovely to hear. My husband does still love her name and I really hope she will. It does have family connections so I hope that makes it feel special. Perhaps she would have absolutey hated the name I wanted for her. I do hope this regret fades at some point. I’m not sure that lockdown has helped me

OP posts:

Pantheon · 23/02/2021 09:22

I have the most popular name of the year I was born. Often had a few girls with same name in my class. It's honestly never been an issue and I like my name.

PiratePetespajamas · 23/02/2021 09:24

I don’t love my name. It hasn’t ruined my life at all.

Labobo · 23/02/2021 09:30

Don't worry too much. My all-time favourite girl's name is Sophia and even though it has been top 10 forever, I'd still use it because it is stunningly beautiful and has a great meaning. Some very popular names are so because they are great names.

I gave my son a distinctive name and within a couple of years it had hit the popularity charts and is now considered one of those names that dates a child as it's from a certain era. I don't care and nor does he. It's still a great name and he likes it.

Why don't you give her a nickname you love which is linked to her real name but more distinctive, or not linked at all, but specific to her, but suitable for use outside the family too, if it catches on.

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