Baby name regret at 3 years

[Andfeelingsad]

I don’t really know what I’m hoping for from this thread, maybe some advice from anyone that’s been in a similar situation. I basically have always regretted my daughter’s name. My husband wouldn’t discuss names before she was born and we ended up choosing something really popular in a rush to name her. He then refused to change it when she was tiny which I so so wish we had done. She is now 3 and I still can’t get over it. All these threads where people talk about names being overused and boring make me feel guilty. I hate that people will be thinking these things about my lovely daughter and worry she’ll go through life hating her name. I had some fairly unusual names on my list and I wish I had used a more special name that I truly loved. But obviously she’s far too old to change it now so I’m just not sure how to move on and stop obsessing. Has anyone felt the same and found it got better?

[YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj]

You have a dh problem. Is he still being controlling?

[Lolamoon123]

Hi, what did you end up doing x

[Onlinedilema]

I don't know anyone who has ever thought I won't be friends with her/him because I don't like their name. I think the problem is your husband 's dismissive attitude.

[Volcanoexplorer]

You really need to try and get over this. Popular names are popular for a reason- they’re nice. That’s why a lot of people choose them. I’m sure you’ve chosen a lovely name. If you’d picked something strange your dd might not like it because it was too ‘out there’.

[Andfeelingsad]

@Perlette I’m so sorry that you have felt the same way about your daughter’s name but lovely to hear that it is getting better as she gets older. I think it’s very hard for people to understand unless it happens to you and how easily it can happen. I was very firm about deciding my second child’s name before he was born and I have no regrets with his name luckily. I just wish I could have done that the first time round! I do feel like I’ve let her down as we could have chosen such a nicer and more unique name but hopefully it won’t be an issue for her.

[Perlette]

OP, I feel for you and totally understand. I had exactly the same thing happen to me. My DH wouldn't discuss names before the birth. He wanted to see what name the baby would suit. However when she arrived she looked like a baby, and not like any particular name!

He then vetoed everything on my list, but because we needed to register her to get a passport, we were under pressure to choose something. We went backwards and forwards on it and eventually settled on a popular name that is nice (and seemed to be one of only two names he liked) but I felt like it wasn't quite right and I couldn't shake the feeling. I worried about it for the whole first year.

She is now 4 and loves her name but I still have moments where I feel like I got it wrong. It doesn't help that not only is it a very popular name in the UK, but in France, where I have family, it is considered boring and passé and no babies are called it anymore. However, objectively I know it has a pretty sound and I shouldn't care what others think. The fact my daughter loves it helps a lot and it's become her name and she is wonderful so the name has become more so to me.

Mostly I know the regret is due to feeling unheard and rushed by DH at a time when I was exhausted and feeling a bit vulnerable and I hope I will remember not to let myself be pressured like that again in the future.

[C0RAL]

@DazzleCamouflage

For every person who says that a certain set of names are overused and boring, there are ten who say they are lovely, classic and popular for a reason. It’s too late to change your daughter’s name. Move on, and maybe think about your husband’s dictatorial tendencies.

This.

[Nme8961]

I am one of those looking-to-avoid-a-popular-name people, but the weird truth is that although I personally don't want a popular name for my own child, I have never had negative thoughts about it when I hear a friend/colleague/etc has given their child a very popular name. I only have negative thoughts if I find the name to be particularly horrid, and to be honest that doesn't happen with the usual names.

Once I know the actual child, I don't ever think about their name anyone -- as others have said, children are so much more than a name anyway.

[Mykidshatepastabake]

Popular names are generally okay. I've only heard other parents being negative about so called tacky names like Chardonnay, Mercedes, Ryley, Jordan ......
Really, don't worry about it

[SirVixofVixHall]

This insistence on a name being unusual is a very recent thing. My generation (50s) and my parents and three of my grandparents all had names that they would probably have shared with others in their class in school , ditto my in-laws.
Names are often popular because they are nice ! I have a well known first and middle name and I like them both very much.
If she was still a baby I would be saying change it, as it bothers you so much, but as she is three I think you need to accept it and try and enjoy it as “her” name. You could have a pet name for her though.

[Crackerofdoom]

There were 7 girls in my school year with the same name as me. We were all very different and nobody would ever mix us up.

I think people are more likely to be judgy of a child with an outlandish name than one everyone is familiar with.

[Frankiefarr]

The obsession with picking unusual names would probably not be so popular if people looked at the research. The reality is children are more successful with well known names and multiple research studies have shown naming your child with an unusual name can be highly detrimental. There are more Emma’s at Oxford and Cambridge than any other name. People make huge assumptions about names and unusual ones it’s been shown tend to be seen negatively by teachers and employers. So don’t worry you have probably done your child a favour. These negative connotations can be strong. I know when I worked in social care we knew we could predict which kids would end up on the the safeguarding register just by going down a maternity ward and hearing the names chosen by new mothers!

[Drunkenmonkey]

I know how difficult name regret can be. I gave my son a name that is common elsewhere but unusual here and everyone mispronounces it.
It consumed me for months and months.
I even wanted another baby just to choose another name and then felt so guilty that I felt that way about my poor baby's name that I
had chosen and he had to live with! Name regret can send you crazy! It didn't help that it wasn't my ideal choice, if I was dealing with pronunciation issues with my favourite name I wouldn't really care.

Anyway... One thing I have noticed is that during lockdown there have been a LOT of threads like this. We are all spending too much time alone overthinking and not enough time socialising and having fun, it can lead to obsessive thinking which is unhealthy.
Im sure her name is lovely and there's nothing you can do now. Like others have said Mumsnet is not a good place to focus on because firstly, people are name nerds and generally find common names boring and secondly you see so many opinions you will always focus on the worst ones.
There is alwayssomeone who will hate your name choice (as I discovered)
Hope you start to feel better about things.

[CaffiSaliMali]

I agree with others than IRL most people don't pay much attention to names. Naming boards generally attract people who are very interested in names and so tend to be skewed towards people looking for more unusual

IME most people have no idea what's popular or not unless they're into names or know a lot of small children. My parents and inlaws are shocked at the 'unusual' names my friends are calling their children - like Arlo and Freya

It's very unlikely anyone is thinking 'oh another Ava/Isla/Olivia' IRL.

[GirlInterruptedAgain]

Kids names always come in batches. I deliberately kept my kids names secret until
They were born. There was
No one with their names. They were very unique. But people hear them, discuss them with someone who’s pregnant, the names get bandied around the maternity wards , and , voila - lots of babies with my toddlers names start to appear. I take it as flattery. You can’t have a unique name cos once it’s out there.....

[Susiesue61]

Mine all have really common names and they're fine with it, they are teenagers and young adults now. My eldest is Jack 😊 They don't seem to mind and they never have to spell them, unlike their surname!
We changed DD's name after 24 hours because the name I set my heart on didn't suit her. We still have cards addressed to the original name!
I'm sure she won't mind at all as she grows up, your name is just what it is unless it is ridiculous 😊

[Doomsdayiscoming]

Oops, my bad that’s Este.

[Doomsdayiscoming]

@MimiDaisy11

It amazes me the number of people that don't look up how popular their chosen name is, but it's really common, and most people in real life don't care about those things. So it's us on these forums who are outliers. Like others have said, popularity is not much of an issue now as there is more diversity in names.

I was recently talking to my family and they brought up baby names as I'm pregnant. None of them are aware of the trends and brought up names in the top 20/top 10 as if they're unusual. One even mentioned a friend had a baby and named her something unusual that she hadn't heard before - it was Esme - which is in the top 100. I'm also considering a name in the top 100 which I'm sure my family are going to be surprised about and think I've chosen an obscure old-fashioned name.

So yes in short like others say baby-naming forums aren't real life.

Never heard of HAIM?

[MimiDaisy11]

It amazes me the number of people that don't look up how popular their chosen name is, but it's really common, and most people in real life don't care about those things. So it's us on these forums who are outliers. Like others have said, popularity is not much of an issue now as there is more diversity in names.

I was recently talking to my family and they brought up baby names as I'm pregnant. None of them are aware of the trends and brought up names in the top 20/top 10 as if they're unusual. One even mentioned a friend had a baby and named her something unusual that she hadn't heard before - it was Esme - which is in the top 100. I'm also considering a name in the top 100 which I'm sure my family are going to be surprised about and think I've chosen an obscure old-fashioned name.

So yes in short like others say baby-naming forums aren't real life.

[SignsofSpring]

Where I live every other girl is called Isabella, Emma and Sophia

My dd has one of these popular type names, but she loves it! I've told her the alternative more unusual name, she's really glad I didn't call her that. If you used a pretty classic name, you haven't done your child a disservice, honest!

[Covidweddingday]

I have a name that is very dated. Never met another one that isn’t at least 50 years older than me. I did not like it- I was very shy and longed to fit in with the claires, Rebecca’s and Sarah’s in my class.

My daughter has a popular name that I’ve loved for a long time but had kind of written off because of its rising popularity but then it was one of the few names DH and DSD loved too so we went for it. She’s now a funny confident 3yo who will stand out from the crowd no matter now commonplace her name is.

It’s also worth remembering that popular names are popular because lots of people think they are lovely names. You can get a bit of a skewed view on MN as so many people are dead against using popular names because they are ‘boring’.

[Doomsdayiscoming]

And my sister called her son Archie way after it was socially acceptable, but to be fair, a year before Harry and Megs.

[Doomsdayiscoming]

My cousin has named his two children Ava and Isla.

Clearly couldn’t be bothered to scroll past the top 10.

[AllTheWayFromLondonDAMN]

For what it’s worth I have a name that was very popular in the era I was born. As a kid I wished I had an edgier, more “original” name, but as an adult I am very grateful for my classic and, dare I say, boring name. I am grateful to not have to spell it out, that everyone always knows what it is and how to spell it immediately and it’s also a name that suits an adult woman just as much as it suited a little girl. My perspective is further enforced because my best friend has a very unusual, unique-spelling type name which is the bane of her life and has only become more so as she’s gotten older.

Try and relax: your daughter has her name now and there’s a good chance that she will love it, both now and in the future.

[Labobo]

@PregnantPorcupine

As an 80s born Sarah I feel qualified to comment that having a popular name is TOTALLY FINE. I'd much rather this name than my mother's first choice (Roberta ). Your daughter will thank you one day

FWIW, I LOVE the name Sarah.