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Long rant - can't pick boy name

65 replies

SisterCellophane · 23/05/2020 17:22

Hi, can anyone help me and my boyfriend name our baby? I just found out yesterday that it's a boy and we can't seem to agree on any names. My favourites are Tom (Thomas on bc), Jack, Harry, Sean, Sam(uel on bc), Daniel, Matthew...all shut down instantly as were the second tier choices Oliver, Charlie, Peter, Joseph, Michael and Callum. He knows/knew someone called Jack he doesn't like, he says Sean and Callum are "chavvy"(!), Harry is vetoed because it's a pet he had/because of Harry Potter...the rest he just says are too boring, or he just doesn't like them.
He's also blanket-vetoed anything featuted in the Bible, which I don't really follow as this is most normal names and I don't think it implies you're religious to use one?
The problem is, I only seem to LIKE "boring" names. I grew up with probably a top-5 name for the year and it wasn't that bad, I always knew a couple of other people with the same name and...so what??? Everyone develops their own individual personality, so I don't actually think anyone needs to have individuality thrust on them. I also really don't want a name that's pretentious or people will have preconceptions about, and I feel like the best way to avoid preconceptions is to have a name that's quite common? Like surely the fact people know 5 Toms or Matts mean they're less likely to have a set picture of what someone with that name is like.
Boyfriend also says he wants a name that "looks good on a CV", which is surely these generic white guy type of names, or else picking an overtly "posh" name, which I don't want to do because we're a modest middle-income couple and I feel like it just looks stupid/try-hard if our son has a name like Tarquin when he'll be going to state schools and living in a 2-bed flat etc (also my family would absolutely rip the piss out of me...)
We're English living in London. Extended family in the North East (Newcastle area/County Durham) and South Wales (no Welsh heritage ethnically, all Welsh names vetoed. Of Irish heritage. Would use Irish names (in fact boyfriend said he liked them so I built hopes around "Sean" which were then sunk) but nothing difficult for English speakers to pronounce (don't mind a counter-intuitive spelling as any Irish-language derived name will have one, just want to be able to spell it).
Boyfriend doesn't really have any suggestions. We looked through the popular baby names and he liked Arlo, which I initially shot down. Now I think it's growing on me? But I'm not convinced. I've never heard this name before and it doesn't have a clear origin, so it doesn't feel like a proper name to me? Also it's just come up out of nowhere which to me comes off like it's kind of a fad/tacky/will date badly, and I'm generally not keen on "O" endings.
TL;DR I have three questions:
1.) Is there a name I'm overlooking that we might both like? (Names we like but can't use for personal reasons are Conor, Rory and Laurie)
2.) There are three names we both deemed "acceptable" although I think that's as warm as it gets and I like but don't love - Fred(erick on bc...), George and Alfred (bc only would be Alfie or Fred IRL). How do you rate these? All likely to enrage my older relatives with their overt Englishness but they emigrated here so they can suck it up.
3.) Can you convince me on Arlo, or even better, convince my boyfriend on Tom/Jack/Harry/Sean? Or are these names terrible?

OP posts:
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mamablondie2 · 24/05/2020 13:42

Please don’t just go for Arlo because you’re relieved he has committed to something because you won’t regret it. You need strong feelings about the name you give your child.

That said this sounds like a challenge and a half!

Some initial ideas would be:

Arthur
Dylan
Rory
Ethan
Elliott
Theodore (Theo or Teddy)

It’s a tough one though. I think Arlo is the kind of name you do need be really sure on because it is quite popular, can’t be shortened etc. There has to be compromise on both sides not just you giving in.

Blursula · 24/05/2020 13:47

Hi OP

I think Harry and Jack are lovely (albeit very popular) but not much good if you both don’t like them.

I have a Laurie, and Arlo was briefly on our list (vetoed due to its sudden popularity and I agree it may seem faddy/date badly), so here are some other suggestions we had on our list that you might like. Not RTFT so sorry for any repeats.

Leo
Max
Alexander nn Sacha
Casper
Asa
Sebastian
Otis

Other suggestions that might fit the brief (again sorry for repeats):
Miles
Milo
Edward nn Ted
Oscar
Lewis
William
Wilbur
Henry
Vaughan
Owen
Patrick

SerendipitySunshine · 24/05/2020 13:54

Benedict is great. Love Alexander too. Both tick the posh box but can be adapted well.

I like Michael and Edward too.

Arlo will date badly, same with Theo.

GinWithRosie · 24/05/2020 14:26

Alexander is lovely and can be Alex or Xander.

Sebastian is similarly classy and you can choose to use Seb or Bastian which all sound equally great as professional sounding names for later, which is to be considered.

Xavier is nice and classy without being too pretentious and also ‘ages well’.

17caterpillars1mouse · 24/05/2020 15:02

Really don't like Arlo

What about some normal names, but not top 20?

Dominic
Christopher 1 could be Kit
Nicholas
Stuart
Lucas
Patrick
Timothy
Ralph

Or something a little out there but with history?

Everett
Emmett
Wyatt

Flymetothestars · 24/05/2020 15:13

@HaveAtEm I'm honestly not doing faux confusion. I know a couple of little boys called Laurence. Is Laurence ok or do you think both Laurence and Clarence would be bullied?
I also know boys called Wolf, Fox, Titus, Elvis... all sorts... the list goes on and on. I'm confused why you think Clarence would be targeted out of all the names that are out there. What is it about the name that makes you think that?

Tutina02 · 24/05/2020 15:27

Ellis ❤️

HaveAtEm · 24/05/2020 16:13

@Flymetothestars Laurence is a popular, fairly mainstream name. The OP quite clearly said in her post that she did not want a name that would be ridiculed in a state school in north London/2-bed flat scenario. The name Clarence is very definitely not one that fits that definition 🤦‍♀️ It’s extremely ugly, extremely old fashioned and the child would get the rip taken out of him! It’s awful. Which is the very reason you have not heard anyone with that name! It’s not rocket science.

HaveAtEm · 24/05/2020 16:16

And no...Laurence’s would not be ‘bullied’...not so sure about the Wolves, Titus’s, Elvis’s and Foxes that you purport to know though...I cannot imagine that school register being taken.

MikeUniformMike · 24/05/2020 16:20

Ruling out names featured in the bible means a lot of them. It would rule out Mark, James, Andrew, David, Daniel, Sarah, Thomas, Elizabeth etc. I suspect that your partner might be ok with those types on names but not the OT ones like Elijah and Ezekiel.

Names from a different language or culture strikes me as being a bit chavvy. I say that as a name snob. Also, you will probably use a name that behind fashion.

I've mentioned already that I don't like Arlo. It came from nowhere to being very popular so will probably date badly. I don't like Ezra for the same reason. Theo's popularity was celebrity-inspired as was Sebastian's.

Royal names are usually a safe bet but by that I mean the sort of names that UK kings and queens have had, not Archie and Mia.

I don't tend to like long names, they get shortened. Some (Jonathan, Oliver, Timothy, Nicholas) are ok.
Christopher nn Kit gets a great big No from me. Kit makes me think of Wayne Rooney.

A name that 'looks good on a CV' is likely to be a safe, 'boring' name. One that is likely to always be popular or not overused for a short time.

I said I was a name snob. Most people are. Teachers are. People reading CVs are.

What do you think of names like Gary, Darren and Sharon.

MikeUniformMike · 24/05/2020 16:37

I don't like Laurence.

Here's a link to the top 100:
www.bounty.com/pregnancy-and-birth/baby-names/top-baby-names/the-latest-top-100-boys-names-chosen-in-the-uk-this-year

Whereland · 24/05/2020 17:35

What about Evan?

katmarie · 24/05/2020 17:54

I like Alexander, nn Alex, Lex, Xander, or Sacha, so very flexible, but still traditional.

I think if you're limited to non biblical names then that makes things tricky, does he know how many people there were in the bible?!

NameChange30 · 24/05/2020 18:03

I really hope you're giving the baby your surname.
Baby could have two surnames (with or without hyphen) or just your surname plus boyfriend's surname as a middle name.
First name should ideally be a joint decision and something you're both happy with. But he doesn't get to veto all your suggestions when he only has one.
Worst case scenario, if he continues to refuse to compromise, you can register the birth without him and call baby whatever you want 🤷🏻‍♀️

FizzyGreenWater · 24/05/2020 19:57

Lol!

Well he's rather the baby name dictator isn't he?

Let me guess - he wants the baby to have his surname?

Um, you are not married. I really hope the baby is having YOUR surname, as is traditional - but if it isn't, then you could tell your boyfriend that as he's having the surname, the first name choice is yours.

Regardless of surname, you could also try telling him that if he is going to be naming the baby with you, then no, he does not get to 'veto' every single suggestion you make and then throw out ONE name he is ok with. That is not how it works Grin

And - it is YOU that will be registering this baby. Not him. as said before hopefully with YOUR surname

For a start he can come up with a list of twenty names he is ok with, underlining his favourites. Then he can go back to your suggestions so far and start having a more adult discussion about which ones he really dislikes, which ones are ok etc- descending list. He 'hates them all'? Fine, that's not a discussion - you'll name the baby without him/

Don't let him start dictating and digging heels in to get his way.

Put every single veto'd name back on the table, make it clear the deciding vote WILL be joint and if it can't be, you'll register it without him - and start talking again, from the beginning. :)

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