Fathers name

[thekatswhiskers]

Afternoon all! Hope the sun is shining where you are.. I am looking for a bit of advice regarding DS1's middle name. We've chosen two names that we love for a first name and will decide for sure when we see his little face! I am hoping to use my fathers name, Andrew, as a middle name. Mostly because my dad only had daughters and hasn't been fortunate enough to pass on his surname and I feel it would be really lovely to honour him that way. It's also such a lovely name. DH is concerned that our children won't have any names from anyone in his family... I have already said that we all have his family surname and that would still be the case but I think he's foreseeing his family being a little jealous and possibly saying that we've only used my dads name. Do you think I would be unfair to use my dads name? I really want to use it by DH has planted a seed of doubt regarding family friction I'd want to avoid.

I don't have the answer but I've got the same issue. At least Andrew is a nice name. I've got some really vile ones to 'think about including'

But the children have HIS FAMILYS surname. I don't see what the issue would be honestly and I would use the name. It's a lovely way to celebrate someone in your family. Just do it OP. You can name your kid what you want.

If your DPs surname isn't enough then why don't you add a second middle name from his side? My 2 DS's each have two middle names and their names are ace. I love Andrew by the way. One of my boys is named Andrew, it's a lovely name.

I don't think it would be unfair at all - it's already unfair both you and DC will have only DH's surname! This will balance it out a little bit as far as I am concerned.

Nothing stopping you having two middle names as long as you can agree on them.

Or you could say that the second child can have a middle name from his family.

Our dc1 has dh family name, dc2 is the opposite sex and we decided that we were done at 2 so dc2 got 2 family names one from each side. If I'd had more than one family name on my side I liked I'd of given dc1 two middle names, but I was saving the second one incase dc2 was the same sex.

Ahhh this is why I didnt name my children after family members. My children have names I liked and their middle names just happen to be ones that people think might be family names.

I would do it if I was you. I’ve done it myself. My kids obviously have my husbands name. DS1 has my dads name (which also happens to be my brothers middle name) as one of his middle names.

DS2 has my other brothers middle name as one of his middle names.

I’ve never met my husbands dad and he’s only seen my husband once or twice in all the time we have been together so not using his name (husband has same name as his dad) for the kids middle name especially as they have his surname.

Unfortunately DH's dad doesn't have a name that is "useable" - that's as polite as I can put that one! I've also had unrelated pressures from his side of the family regarding name opinions etc and I still want my identity in there somewhere. I originally wanted to double barrel our surnames but I've just kept my surname professionally and his legally, which I'm happy with. I feel that I've compromised already to that end and wanting my dads name in the middle is also a piece of me if that makes sense? If I do go for it, fresh hell awaits me, either now or on our next DC where they'll insist a name from their side.

@toomuchpeppapig how lovely! Beautiful name, how old is he now? It's such a timeless name

@mumma2642.Why would it be obvious that your kids have their dad's surname. Plenty of children have their mothers surname.

Thekatswhiskas.Did you take your husband's surnAme on marriage. If so your DS will already have one of his dad's nAmes. I assume you've both agreed on the first names you're considering. Therefore the middle name should be your choice.

@spider

Because I’m married and have my husbands surname.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider yes I have his surname and use my maiden professionally. I wanted it double barrelled but it didn't sound great. Names both agreed on, one very much suggested by DH and I love it too.

Sorry to sound stupid here spider but if you’re married surely they have your husbands surname? Why wouldn’t they?

Sorry to sound stupid here spider but if you’re married surely they have your husbands surname? Why wouldn’t they?
Why would they, though? I’m married, and I have my original surname. Or maybe they all have the wife's surname. There are no laws on how to do this.

Quite frankly the naming of your (your plural) child is f**k all business of the extended family. It's down you and your DH and he is being a little unreasonable and selfish - does he think the child only belongs to him?

Dont give the child the middle name Andrew.
Give the child their on name.

If you are catholic[dont know if you are]your ds can pick Andrew as his conformation name

Use your maiden name as a middle name, unless it is something unfortunate. I'm sure that would mean more to your dad.

Yy to using maiden name as middle name. They can’t say anything then.

A nephew has hi grandfather's name as a MN. Dad said he wished they'd used the surname.

It's a surname that can also be a first name, something like Lewis, let's say my Dad's first name was Philip.

DNeph is Firstname Philip Surname, but Father would have preferred Firstname Lewis Surname.

I agree, but not my baby. Not Dad's baby.

DNeph has me to blame for his first name. They couldn't think of a name. It seemed unusual back then but 25 yrs on it's popular. The middle name was quite unusual but it too is now popular.

I have my surname as the last middle name for all our dc.
I'm confused about what OP means about having her husband's surname "legally" though.

Marriage is a legally binding document and thereafter (should you sign that with DH's surname) that is your name legally for all intents and purposes.

Really grateful for the opinions. Will certainly consider maiden name as middle name, although it does clash a little. Andrew does sound far nice but it is an option that couldn't be debated about really! Good suggestion!

I hope DH can open his eyes up to this really. I did feel disheartened when he sort of said "well what about a name from my family" and as a woman, even though I didn't have to, I've taken his family surname! I feel the maiden name for middle name suggestion is a fantastic compromise!

Um, I’m sure someone more legally knowledged than me will come along, but are you sure that is the case? I didn’t think anyone at all had a legally binding name. Really interested in hearing anyone else’s knowledge as this is possibly something I’ve missed?

Just to say also that it does seem harsh that he gets ‘his’ surname (obviously it is yours too though now, but would he have minded if you had kept yours for everything?), he chooses a first name (although obviously you like it to) and now he’s quibbling over middle name? Or have I misread?

@Peonyonpoint you've got it! I was a little insulted to be honest but I wanted to get a general opinion on whether I was being fair before really pushing for it! I don't want to discuss with friends or family because obviously no one will be neutral so I'm thankful for all the advice from everyone

Agree with OP.
Your name can be anything in daily life, but your 'legal' name iss the one on your official documents - passport, birth certificate, deed poll/marriage cert. etc.