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Original poster

MIL dictating names

44 replies

HolyMayonnaise · 05/04/2020 10:15

I posted earlier about girl names as I am hoping so much baby is a girl.

I would be grateful for advice on MIL opinions for boy names. For many years, my MIL has insisted to DH and I and BIL and SIL that the first born sons of the family should be named with a certain letter.

This isn't a tradition that has been passed on for many years, it is simply that FIL and BIL have names beginning with that letter as did grandfather. But FIL is not the first born son of the family so the trend doesn't seem to carry on there... It just appears that they are creating something to try and make a tradition.

My DH is adamant that we will not be abiding by this, especially given he wasn't given that initial and hates the feeling of this pressure on us. We also don't like any names beginning with that letter.

I already feel that I have taken their family surname, as will our children and that isn't enough. We want to name our own children and not feel this pressure which is tainting our happiness.

Would you agree with me or am I being sensitive and hormonal?

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SnowdropFox · 05/04/2020 10:23

Ignore her. That's ridiculous. She's had a chance to name her kids and now its up to you and your DH to name your own. Shes just have to suck it up. Don't tell her the name until the little one has arrived.

PleaseStopCrying · 05/04/2020 10:28

I don't see the problem. You don't want to do it and nor does your partner. The baby is your child and you are the ones choosing their name so why would you think MIL would get an opinion? Just ignore her.

mnahmnah · 05/04/2020 10:30

No. Ignore her. We had a similar issue over expectations to use FIL name as a middle name. We didn’t want to for various reasons. DH dealt with it, just explained some of our reasons and that it wasn’t happening. I didn’t get involved.

cookiemonster5 · 05/04/2020 10:33

She can say what she likes you just don't listen to her. Do not discuss names with anyone and once baby is born announce the name and that is that.

Devlesko · 05/04/2020 10:36

Absolutely none of her business what you call your child, you need to tell her straight, it's not going to happen, if she mentions it after this tell her you will have to start to remove yourselves from her as it's exhausting.
She can't dictate anything btw, unless she follows you to the registrar and holds you at gunpoint.

pooopypants · 05/04/2020 10:38

Out of interest, what if the baby isn't a girl, how will you feel? I'm asking as you seem quite keen on having a girl

Ignore, ignore ignore would be my advice.
ILs can be overwhelming, especially when you be just given birth. Trust me, I know. Get your DH on board and make sure you're in agreement and that he has your back in case they ramp up the pressure when baby arrives.

FrancisCrawford · 05/04/2020 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/04/2020 10:42

Take no notice. She’s had her day naming her kids.
However I trust you’ll be just as pleased with a baby boy.

bogoblin · 05/04/2020 10:43

Ah, tell her to do one. Your baby, your name. Perfectly reasonable!

I would just do my best to ignore her!

AdaColeman · 05/04/2020 10:46

Don’t discuss names with MIL beforehand, give your baby the names you have chosen.

MyNameHasBeenTaken · 05/04/2020 10:49

As others have said, this is your baby, not Mils.
And if she keeps hassling, start replying with "odd" suggestions.
For a boy...
Mavis, Ethel, Gertrude

For a girl...
Malcolm, Cedric, Winston

Totally ridiculous choices. Use names you know she wont like.

And keep your real choice quiet until baby is born and named

Original poster
HolyMayonnaise · 05/04/2020 10:51

I would be overjoyed with either, we are so happy! It's just that I feel that having a boy brings this issues to the surface 😢

Mil is very forceful. She has mentioned it passive aggressively to me previously however what I really don't like is that she has been trying to speak to DH alone and text him directly about it, really insisting that we follow suit.

Essentially you are all right, we aren't going to be doing as she says. I think I just dread the aftermath of it ☹️

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 05/04/2020 10:56

Both of you should just ignore her

Selfsettling3 · 05/04/2020 10:59

Smile say that sounds nice and don’t discuss names anymore. When the baby arrives announce the arrival of baby whatever you are them.

Pinkypink · 05/04/2020 11:16

Don't dread the aftermath. The aftermath will be your lovely baby.
If it were me I would not bring it up or discuss names with anyone other than your husband and if mil brings it up smile and say "we'll have think about it" -which in fairness you did and didn't come across a name that fitted the bill.
Let her sulk if she wants to.
She had her turn to name her own children and chose not to use this initial and now it's yours. Don't engage with this sort of nonsense and don't feel bad.

BrooHaHa · 05/04/2020 11:27

How far along are you? If you have the baby during social distancing you won't need to deal with the fallout for ages anyway. One massive upside to all of this is that you can simply hang up on annoying family members.

cstaff · 05/04/2020 11:28

Just be glad that your husband is onside with you. When your child is born just make the announcement whatever way is normal I.e. had a boy at 9am he is 7lbs and we are calling him Ben.

What will she be able to do if your message is sent to the whole family on WhatsApp. Prior to the birth just ignore.

Appuskidu · 05/04/2020 11:33

If your DH is in agreement with you-there is no issue. If she wants to be upset, she can! The problems usually come when men want to placate their mum to keep her happy at the expense of their partner, but it sounds like your DH thinks it’s a stupid idea, too!

RedRed9 · 05/04/2020 11:33

Mil is very forceful.
It doesn’t matter how forceful she is: she won’t be registering the birth, you will be.

I understand she’s making it uncomfortable for everyone though. Be firm, any wavering will just drag it out longer than necessary.

HopeYouStepOnALego · 05/04/2020 11:48

When she approaches your DH about this he should say to her "you didn't do this mum, so why do you feel you have the right to tell us to do so?"

Although probably best thing is to just ignore and tell her quite firmly after baby is born what their name is.

zigaziga · 05/04/2020 12:00

Ridiculous. Ignore her, don’t discuss names with her.

Littleshortcake · 05/04/2020 12:07

Totally ignore. We didn't tell anyone our names or discuss it with anyone before baby was born. Just say ' Oh right well we will meet the baby and see what name they suit'

This lock down situation make a ne easier to ignore mil... Wink

strawberry2017 · 05/04/2020 12:27

You need to learn to stand up to her coz this will be just the start.
Like others have said you are lucky coz you have a DP on your side and don't have to argue with them both.
She named her kids now it's your turn.
Congratulations on whatever you have x

Lsquiggles · 05/04/2020 12:30

Your baby, your choice. Your PILs are being ridiculous and completely unreasonable. I'd tell them to fuck off with their idiocy and that they should get a pet with that initial instead Grin

userabcname · 05/04/2020 12:34

Ooh I know someone who had this tradition but she happened to like a name that started with that letter anyway so it wasn't too much of a problem in the end. Anyway, your MIL is nuts - name your baby what you want!

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