Honest opinions needed...Baby’s name is the same as a friends child

[Willow4987]

So a friend who I’ve known for 10 years (who I went to uni with) but don’t get to see that regularly due to where we both live in the country mainly

We were super close at uni, and I still consider her a close friend. When we are able to see each other, we click better with each other than most other people.

So the dilemma...her son is almost 2 and for the sake of the thread let’s say his name is John (it’s not but fairly common/traditional so kind of similar to the actual name). I’ve not had a chance to meet him yet (I have seen her however) but I’m due DS2 soon and the only name I like is the same as her sons

I’ve only ever had 2 boys names I’ve really liked, the first one I used on DS1

If you were the friend would you be offended if I used the same name?

As it’s a common name I can’t see a problem with it and I wouldn’t be bothered by it. Three of my children have unusual names and I’d be upset if a friend used one but only because there aren’t any others around here: My first son did have an unusual name but 15 years on its very popular. My friend has named her baby the same and this didn’t bother me. My middle son was called Leo at birth, however I loved the name Asa and he was very poorly and the meaning of the name meant that we changed it as it was more fitting and I felt it gave him more of a chance to fight to come home. My sil called her son Leo 2 years later - that was frustrating.

I personally would mention to her that I'm considering it but I do agree it depends on how common the name is. I like unusual ones and I actually removed one from my list because an acquaintance called her child that and I personally wanted my child to have a more individual name that wasn't the same as anyone else that we knew. But that's just me. It depends what your relationship is like with this person - do you speak to her regularly? Do you discuss possible names? If so it would be weird if you didn't mention you were considering that name because you loved it. I had a friend who got pretty annoyed recently at someone calling their daughter the same as hers and whilst in that scenario she was being slightly unreasonable as they are not friends (they never speak or see each other he is her husbands ex-housemate) I do understand if it is a relatively unusual name then it could be a bit odd. Consider at least mentioning you like it.

Don't use the name.

If she was an acquantaince who you rarely/never see, it wouldn't be an issue at all. However, you are close friends with her and to use the same name would be a bit naff, tbh. There's an entire world of names out there- you can find something you like equally.

Flip the scenario and imagine it the other way around. Think of one of your best friends in a few years time. They're pregnant. You called your child Simon. You love the name. Then bam, she gives birth and her son is also called Simon. You mean to tell me you genuinely wouldn't feel a bit put out?

I just wouldn't use it. I also completely disagree with those who say that you should ask her if you can use it. That's just putting her in a shit, awkward situation. If she says 'no' then she'll come across as bitchy, and if she says 'it's fine', the chances of her genuinely meaning it are slim. It's not fair to put that on a close friend.

If she's a close friend then no, just no. Unless you don't mind looking like you've copied her, as that's what it WILL look like.

If your that obsessed with this name and feel you don't want to choose any other name then speak to her first, see how she feels. But, I don't think she'll like it.

Although reading what @PepePig has said about asking her, that's also true too. My friend has more or less done this to me and she asked me my opinion on the same name we have chosen for our baby. I didn't feel like I had it in me to tell her it pissed me off massively & now I've chose to distance myself from her. So, a friendship ruined in a way.

If you don’t live near each other it’s not really an issue.

I'm usually very against "stealing" names. However I agree with others, if it's a top 5 name then it's totally fine.

It won’t look like you’ve copied her if it’s a top 5 name. Your friends have chosen that name knowing it’s very popular and there’s likely to be others using it. Completely fine I think 🥰 Id give her a heads up but I bet she will be absolutely fine

A name in the top five is absolutely fine.
If it was something outside the top 100 then I would feel slightly annoyed if a friend used the same name, but even then it wouldn't be that big a deal.

If it's a top 5 name she probably already knows at least one other person who's used it anyway. I'd go ahead.