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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Awkward situation

78 replies

J100420 · 22/12/2019 21:38

Am I out of order or being a bitch. Me and h2b are expecting our first child in April. Me and my sister in law have always discussed names of babies. I always had a little boys name but was never sure on a girls name. Now we've found out we're having a girl we cannot decide/agree on a name all that's in my head is the name my sister in law wants.... Should I confront her or just try and find an alternative name? As I don't think i would be happy if she pinched my boys name?! I'm so torn but I cannot get this name out my head!

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Strawberrypancakes · 22/12/2019 21:39

This reply has been deleted

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HoppingPavlova · 22/12/2019 21:43

Normally I would say no one owns a name but in the situation you have described it’s a complete dick move.

HollowTalk · 22/12/2019 21:43

Keep your SIL onside and choose a different name.

feelingsinister · 22/12/2019 21:45

What do you mean confront her? I would leave the name, it really isn't worth the hassle and you'd be angry if she did the same to you.

StCharlotte · 22/12/2019 21:46

Why would you "confront" her?

There are so many gorgeous girls' names, I might look for something else. Then again she might never have a girl.

Bluebutterfly90 · 22/12/2019 21:46

I'd try and find a different name, if you can.
Not worth the hassle with your SIL.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/12/2019 21:47

If you wouldn't like her to do the same to you then don't do it to her. Loads of names out there.

halocompanach · 22/12/2019 21:47

Is your SIL actually pregnant or is she thinking of names for a hypothetical future baby? I had a name in mind for a while but then when I was pregnant I went right off it.

coconutty101 · 22/12/2019 21:50

Hm that is awkward.

I probably wouldn't go with that name, as if it was the other way round, you'd be pretty annoyed and upset as you've said.

My mum and my aunty were pregnant at same time. My aunty was 3 months ahead of my mum, so got in first with the name my mum wanted, after their grandma...
Baby was born and my aunty didn't even go with that name, however my mum found another name, so neither of us was named after our great grandma in the end!

Original poster
J100420 · 22/12/2019 21:51

No SIL isn't pregnant or even in the process of trying etc. My family are all girls and my husbands surname is quite unique so I'm struggling

OP posts:
PennyGold · 22/12/2019 21:51

There's a million other names, pick another one.

halocompanach · 22/12/2019 21:52

In that case just use the name, nobody owns a name and she might never have a daughter anyway. What does your brother or husband (not sure if she's married to your brother or is your husband's sister) think?

Oneforposy7 · 22/12/2019 21:52

Find a different name. She might have very personal reasons for choosing that name and especially when you know it's the name she picked leave it alone.

Original poster
J100420 · 22/12/2019 21:57

@halocompanach Hes in the same boat as me. We are both unsure and don't want to upset anyone. We've got through so many names, everyone I pick somebody's got something to say about and the only one I like I can't have! People say there's 10000's names which I totally get but none are going with the middle name (which is my gran and his grans name) and his surname. I'm an indecisive person anyway which really isn't helping

OP posts:
sqirrelfriends · 22/12/2019 21:59

It's not worth it to cause upset and family tension.

I'm sure there is at least one name you haven't thought of yet that fits your brief.

millyyx · 22/12/2019 22:03

If she's not even expecting a baby or trying then you should go for it! She will probably get over it, it's only a name x

CloudyVanilla · 22/12/2019 22:05

Awh I don't know!

It's hard because when you think of names when you're not pregnant, you can feel like you're really sure that is your name of choice, but then when you are actually pregnant can completely change your mind.

She may not even ever have a baby girl, or her partner may hate the name and veto it!! I remember before having my children and talking to my friend at the time about names and how she loved the name Noah. I instantly fell in love with it, but I am now pregnant with my second boy and neither of them are called Noah, even as a middle name!

So it's difficult to rule it out when there aren't even any babies on her horizon yet.

Grufallosfriends · 22/12/2019 22:06

Please find another name.

Namechangefour · 22/12/2019 22:08

Don’t use it, she won’t forgive you for it.

GertiMJN · 22/12/2019 22:08

I'm assuming you didn't actually mean "confront", but if you are close enough I probably would sound her out.

But, if its a name that has only recently caught your fancy, the chances are there's another one out there.

Try us for suggestions for names that might be 'similar'

VanyaHargreeves · 22/12/2019 22:08

Don't cause unnecessary drama/hurt

Do what lots of people here do - post names you like but don't LOVE enough and ask the hive of Mumsnet to find you the perfect name Thanks

HeddaGarbled · 22/12/2019 22:10

It’s a bit ‘forbidden fruit’, IMO. It’s “the only one I like” because it’s out of bounds. Keep going, you’ll find another.

AlexanderHalexander · 22/12/2019 22:10

what's the name?

Namechangefour · 22/12/2019 22:10

Even if she never does have a girl. If my SIL or my sister had used my ‘name’ - and I didn’t have a baby of that gender - I would still be sad about it. I know it doesn’t make sense, it’s a totally emotional thing.

You would be unkind to use that name. Maybe put it on a name board and ask for suggestions of names that feel similar?

TillyTheTiger · 22/12/2019 22:11

Talk to her about it. The name I chose for my son was top of my sister's list but she was single at the time and unlikely to be pregnant any time soon so she told me to use it with her blessing as a) she might never have a boy and b) by the time she did she might have gone off the name and c) her hypothetical future partner might not like it anyway