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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Awkward situation

78 replies

J100420 · 22/12/2019 21:38

Am I out of order or being a bitch. Me and h2b are expecting our first child in April. Me and my sister in law have always discussed names of babies. I always had a little boys name but was never sure on a girls name. Now we've found out we're having a girl we cannot decide/agree on a name all that's in my head is the name my sister in law wants.... Should I confront her or just try and find an alternative name? As I don't think i would be happy if she pinched my boys name?! I'm so torn but I cannot get this name out my head!

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GreenTulips · 23/12/2019 20:35

Why not ask SIL about the name and ask if she minds naming your daughter. She may be delighted

AnFiadhRuaRua · 23/12/2019 20:36

Pick another name!!

Mishappening · 23/12/2019 20:40

Two of my GC have the same name - no-one has batted an eyelid. Can't see why they would. We just know them as Big X and Little X.

PlantPotting · 23/12/2019 20:51

Nah you only want this name because you can’t have it (as many others have already pointed out).

Can you tell us the name or give us a clue? Is it a top 100 name or is it quite unique?

AnFiadhRuaRua · 23/12/2019 21:51

How awful @mishappening, I don't believe ''noone has batted an eyelid''.
I would notice the potential for confusion, the lack of consideration and imagination the parents of little x had. I'd feel bad for the parents of ''big x''

Grufallosfriends · 23/12/2019 22:56

Two of my GC have the same name - no-one has batted an eyelid.

Two of your grandchildren have the exact same name ?

ikeakia · 23/12/2019 23:03

Grufallo I have the exact same name as my sister, repeat names in families aren’t that unusual.

VanyaHargreeves · 23/12/2019 23:05

Two of my Aunts who are sisters gave their sons the same name.

If either was offended, neither ever said. 🤷‍♀️

MontyBowJangles · 23/12/2019 23:09

Just talk to her. She might tell you to have it as she isn't even pregnant or trying, and may not ever have a baby let alone a girl. Then you're free to use it without any guilt or weirdness.

If she's insistent that you absolutely do not use it then I'd respect that (but think she's a bit crazy, but I'm generally very practical and level headed) and not use it.

As others have said, if you tell us what it is we could help find an alternative.

FriedasCarLoad · 23/12/2019 23:17

I guess you could check that she still loves the name and hasn't changed her mind.

But you can't steal her name!

Skyejuly · 23/12/2019 23:19

I have 2 nieces with same name too. Don't do it though
Find a similar name.

Grufallosfriends · 23/12/2019 23:49

I have the exact same name as my sister

How do parents differentiate between two sisters with the exact same name?!

ikeakia · 23/12/2019 23:53

Well, we have the same dad (who stayed with her mum, not mine, I never met him, just found her when we grew up) so it was fine. We did get mistaken for each other a lot though and never knew why!

Namechangefour · 24/12/2019 08:04

Like others have been saying too, there are relatives in my DH’s family with the same names - two cousins and a father. But the name is (/was) a very common name. Think “John”.

I have to say, it’s pretty confusing though. And I don’t get why they couldn’t just choose another name. There are so many!

GreenTulips · 24/12/2019 08:32

Big X and Little X

How awful for them.

Magpies2forJoy · 24/12/2019 11:44

@ikeakia so your father didnt try to talk the second ikeakia's mother out of the name ikeakia!?

Did the second ikeakia's mother know about the first ikeakia??

I remember being surprised to read that duncan banantyne or was it peter jones?! Has an annabel from his 1st marriag3 and an isabel from 2nd! I thought that was a bit odd!

ikeakia · 24/12/2019 13:54

I doubt he even knew what I was called! I was the first, and the second was born 4 months later!

Magpies2forJoy · 24/12/2019 14:01

Ah right! I suppose this could easily happen if a popular name was chosen by both yr mothers!

Mamabear88 · 24/12/2019 14:06

If you want to upset your SIL and create a massive family rift then go right ahead. If you want to be a nice person and avoid unnecessary drama then find another name. There's enough of them to choose from.

Mishappening · 24/12/2019 15:02

Two GC with the same name and people are saying how awful for them - they think it is great fun. One is 16 and the other 4 - we are not likely to mix them up!

I am jolly glad that my DDs are not so touchy that they would get the 'ump about this. I find these responses on here utterly mind-boggling - the phrase "get a life!" springs to mind! Whyever does it matter at all. The cousins might live their lives totally apart from each other and hardly see each other when adults - why would it matter that they share a name??

Magpies2forJoy · 24/12/2019 15:16

It is a lack of consideration and imagination on the part of the second daughter though. That must be hard to acknowledge, granted, but it is far from ideal.

It's your family, so nobody really cares, we don't need to ''get a life'' I'm sure we all have our own lives. But I'm jolly glad this wouldn't happen in my family!

Mishappening · 24/12/2019 16:01

I am intrigued to know why you would not like this to happen - who is harmed in any way by it? - no-one. I am sue that the siblings discussed it beforehand and I am glad that my older DD had the intelligence and good sense to realise it mattered not at all.

It is not about lack of imagination on the part of DD3 - it is a name that she and her DH loved and has history in her DH's family.

It is not hard to acknowledge - there is nothing to acknowledge.

It seriously does not matter to any of us one little bit - and never has!

Magpies2forJoy · 24/12/2019 16:32

I know it doesn't matter in the grander scheme of things but if you look at things that way, nothing except life or death matters.

It does display a lack of imagination as most people love more than one name, and even though you have convinced yourself you don't care, your daughters have put you in the position of explaining this to your friends. ''oh no, not that Emily, the other Emily. Little Emily, except, little Emily is now taller and bigger than 'big' Emily''.

Or Worse, Big Emily is overweight and sensitive about it and hates being ''big x''.

Fair enough you say you don't care, I believe you, I'm happy for you that you don't care

Like most people though, all other things being equal, if I had two granddaughters I'd prefer they had their own name each.

ThoroughlyForumed · 24/12/2019 16:40

Don't pinch the name - you know full well she loves it. Theres a billion others to choose.
Also - unless you're definitely done with children after this one, stop talking about baby names. This sort of stuff always seems to come up in families and friend groups with people annoyed various names have been 'stolen'

Jossina · 25/12/2019 07:57

Unless it's an incredibly unique, personal name I don't see why you can't just tell her you like it and put it on your shortlist. You might meet the kid and think she looks like someone completely different.

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