Name regret - 2 years on

[GettingABitDesperateNow]

Hi all

I thought I'd be over this now and just posting to see if anyone has a similar story and how you got over it?

We were stuck between two names for our baby. At the time, after the birth, I couldn't decide and my husband had a slight preference for one name...we didnt decide for about 10 days after the birth and his family were contacting us every day to ask if we'd chosen yet, and every night, my husband would say 'right, we have to decide tomorrow'. I went for the name he liked, primarily because the other name has a common nickname that isn't my favourite, and the name we chose doesn't have any short versions. After 10 days I was no nearer a feeling about which was best so just plonked for one.

I realised after a few months I'd made the wrong choice. While it looks nice written down and I dont mind the name in itself -

• it sounds awful in the dialect where we live (not the same accent as me, so didnt sound like I thought it would in my head)
• I dont think it suits her
• I think the name is considered a bit chavvy
• the spelling is its original spelling but there is a newer spelling that other people use...anyway it confuses people

My husband refused to change it though

Two years on, and I still bloody hate it. I just feel rubbish about it. I really thought I'd have got used to it by now. No PND so not related to that. Her sister has a really nice name that we always get compliments on and our poor second daughter is stuck with a name I hate. I regret not choosing the other name so much (the alternative was also a name from my husbands culture as is my first daughter's so is a much better 'fit' as well as being pretty, and not too popular, and I just cant believe I didnt pick it due to a possible nick name that we wouldn't have had to use anyway).

When I read similar threads, people say to change it (it's too late now, she knows it, and husband would never agree anyway) she will grow into it (she hasn't, in my head), use a middle name (hasn't got one as has a long surname) or use a nick name (there really isn't a nickname with this name, you can't really shorten it)

I know it's not the end of the world, but has anyone experienced similar? How did you get over it? I feel like I cringe when I introduce her and I wish I didn't! I have mentioned to a couple of people and they think I'm mad, and say well it's done now just stop thinking about it...and I try not to give it any headspace and then I hear someone else say her name and I just feel bad about it again. Any advice about how I can make peace with her name? Or at least not think about it, its such a waste of energy regretting something that I cant change

Not sure if relevant but not having any more children

Thanks just re read and its massive, sorry.

Hi there
I would love to know if anyone has made the decision to change their babies name to their middle name? Our baby is now 6 months old and since the age of about 1 month I have had regrets over her name, I wish we had called her by her middle name which I really love and she suits. (My husband preferred what is her first name but that would have been my third choice we just found it really hard to decide on names) I have tried to just carry on and forget about it but 6 months later I am still really regretting not using her middle name as her first. Would love to hear if anyone has ever felt the same and what they decided to do.

Thanks 🙂

@walabw what does tour husband think about changing it

If you are going to change it do it soon. My parents actually gave me a first name they thought I would use in public and middle name to use at home. The trouble was they introduced the first name when I was about three and beginning nursery. I just didn’t get it at all. I knew what my name was when adults asked and I recognised the letters so just wouldn’t change. (Maybe partly to do with ASD?)

I wish I had as would have made life easier as have to explain it for formal stuff.

How about double barrelling her name, would your husband consider that? Maybe double barrel it to the other name you liked at the birth, if that works!

I agree with your husband. At 2 years old, it's your daughters name not yours and so not your decision to change it. If she doesn't like it when she's older then she can.

Hello all

I was reminded of this thread the other day and I thought I'd update it 16 months on.

Well she is 3 now...and I no longer obsess about it. I honestly thought that as i was still gutted about her name when she was 2, that I'd never come to terms with it. But over found that, gradually, I have.

I think it's a combination of her being her being completely her own person now, rather than 'my' baby, and probably time, and the fact that she actually (at the moment, I know she may feel differently one day) likes her name, she is happy with it. We did kind of have a nickname for her but it felt a bit forced and never really stuck so we call her by her actual name.

I still listen out for girls names I like but my husband has actually really gone off the original alternative we had for her and since she was born we havent found an alternative name that we both really love, so we probably never would have found anything that was ideal for us all.

I still have the occasional 'what if...' moment but now its more just wondering, rather than feeling upset that I made a 'wrong' choice...it just doesn't seen like as big a deal as it did. I do still like my other daughters name better but dont feel the guilt that the younger one doesn't have as 'good' a name, as it's only my opinion and they will make up their own minds.

Anyway thanks to those that messaged me and replied when I posted, it really helped to post on here as i knew that there are more important things in the world and felt I couldnt really discuss it with anyone in real life in any depth, when people had real things to worry about.

I just thought I'd update in case anyone else is feeling the same thing to say that even if you have strong feelings about it now, it doesnt mean that will always be the case

Thank you so much for updating @GettingABitDesperateNow

Really good to hear , thank you for taking the time to write this

Happy to hear that you have come to terms with it and that your DD likes her own name.

(Still dead curious to know what the name is!).