Struggling with which surname to give my child

[Doormat247]

Hi, hoping someone has been in a similar situation as I'm undecided which surname is right to use when my baby arrives.

This is a bit odd but my partner changed his surname when he was a kid as he didn't want to be associated with his deadbeat dad. His mum had the bright idea of letting him choose his own surname .
My surname is actually my ex husband's as I never changed it back so also feels wrong to give to the baby. My maiden name isn't a particularly nice surname so wouldn't really want to land a kid with that either.

Would the best thing be to just use his stupid made up surname? For the record, it's not a horrible name, I just feel it has no meaning.

It has meaning now, he's giving it to his son and maybe you can take it.

My own dads dad was giving a new surname when he came over here as his was to ethnic. My it's my dads surname.
Plus my dp's dad changed his surname as he never new his dad, I think it was one of his mothers boyfriend surname the only one who was nice to him.
My lo has it now and it's there own family tree.

Why is his surname stupid? It's been his name since he was a child, it's not stupid it's name!

Make your own up then if/when you get married the two of you change your name to match the baby or change it anyway.

Give your child your name. Why would you give him or her your partner’s?

I'd ordinarily say. A baby should have it's my mums name. However under the circumstances I'd say give him/her dads surname. Its a tad unfair if your baby has the same surname as your ex rather than him.
Or There is always the option of meshing both your maiden name with his. Eg say your maiden name was Bottomley and his is Kennedy you could go for Kennelly.

Philip Mointbatten had a made up surname too. Unless you're Kate Winslet and the Dad is Ned Rocknroll I'd go with the dad's surname.

@StressToy but my surname is my ex husband's name. If I went with my maiden name instead then it would have a different name from both parents.

@stillmoving i feel it's stupid because it was chosen by a child - it's a (1990s) famous persons name.

It doesn't matter how you feel. It's your husbands name!

@stillmoving also it matches his now profession so it kinda seems like a joke.

Any lastname you like including something you have made up.

Lots of men from ethnic minorities if you look through history have anglicised their lastnames so their names are "made up".

Just be aware once you give the child a lastname unless you marry the father then it is difficult to change it. So I think it is best to either do your birth lastname, or double barrel your birth last name and his lastname. That way if you split with your partner before your child is a teen you can't get angry about the lastname your child has.

@ColaFreezePop sadly the two names would sound ridiculous together.
As you said, it could be difficult to change later down the line so I really need to get it right.

Is his chosen surname something like Beckham or Cantona?

@doxxed if I'm honest it's not an idea I'm keen on. It would go down like a lead balloon with my family and I'd have a hard time explaining it at work (I have to have serious security checks done and it would cost them money to re-do everything in my new name).

@Boinky no it's nothing embarrassing thank god!
I didn't actually know of the person but it's a sportsman. Just made it so obvious to me that it's daft to allow an under 10 to choose their own permanent name.

You'll have to go with your partner's surname. Giving the baby your ex's name would just be weird, and you've already said you don't like your maiden name and don't want different ones.

Is the name really unusual, will your kid get teased for it?
Intrigued that the name is also his occupation!

OP - your surname is not your ex husbands, it’s your name. Yes you changed it on marriage but you’ve had it since then, it’s your legal name, you like it, people know you by it. Give the baby your name, or double barrel.

Why not revert to your maiden name? Then your child can have the same name as you.
I feel very strongly that it makes sense for children to always be given their mothers maiden name!

I actually think it was good of his mother to allow his to change his name when he was a child. It must be awful to have a name that you associate with someone who isn’t nice.

Also she was practically in the same predicament you are now. He wanted a name and presumably she didn’t have another one to give him so she let him choose one. You also don’t have a suitable name to give your baby.

You should either go back to your maiden name or give the baby the surname you have now. Regardless of the daftness of the name of your partner.

When you say he changed it when he was 10, do you mean he just started calling himself Fred Cantona rather than Fred Smith?
Was this change ever done through a formal legal procedure or is he still technically a Smith?

@BreakfastAtSquiffanys it was a legal name change.

@SavoyCabbage his parents never married so I would have assumed that he would/should have changed it to match his mother's name.
She had a different name from both children as her older son kept his father's surname.

Yes but she must have had a reason why she didn’t want to do that. Same as you have reasons.

Maybe she didn’t want only one of her dc to have her maiden name. Maybe she didn’t have good memories of her own father. Maybe it sounded wrong with his first name.