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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

How late is too late to add an extra middle name, or do I just accept things as they are?

33 replies

Yoozanaim · 19/04/2019 21:19

Just that, really!

I felt really lucky that we had no first name naming issues - DH loved the names I put forward for our children, and let me have my first choice for both. I had my heart set on two middle names for each of them, but he is from a custom of no middle names, so felt one middle name was enough of a stretch. He chose one each from my choice of two, and I didn't push the second extra name as I felt very lucky he'd agreed to both my first name choice and one of my favourites for the one middle.

His brother's wife just had a baby and they are chatting, and he and SIL can't agree on a name, and DH says "so lucky we didn't have this drama" - and I said, "well, you didn't let me have the second middle names" - and he said, "oh, I didn't really mind - you could have."

I know this sounds daft but I feel really gutted. :(
Shall I give my head a wobble, or can I add a second middle name after all? Will it look stupid on their official documents? Are there any repercussions I need to consider?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LittleBearPad · 19/04/2019 21:20

How old are they

Original poster

Yoozanaim · 19/04/2019 21:22

Well, I'd rather hear how old people think is too old, rather than say! They are old enough to discuss it with.

OP posts:

Namechangedcositstime · 19/04/2019 21:24

Do they want to add a new name?
Do they like your choice?
What name would they choose?

Original poster

Yoozanaim · 19/04/2019 21:26

They'd both be happy enough to, but aren't especially bothered.
I only talk in abstract terms to them of another name, as I don't want them to get too keen only for me to think it's a stupid idea as it makes their paperwork a pain the neck in the future.
DD is young enough to choose something ridiculous like Rainbow Cupcake. Or she'd choose something rubbish from one of her TV shows. So not my choice.

OP posts:

RuthW · 19/04/2019 21:38

I've just added a middle name myself. I'm 50.

Shylo · 19/04/2019 21:42

For me I’d think the ballache for them in always having to declare that their names were changed by deed poll just so I could add a middle name would be enough to make me think better of it

Honestly, you got the names you wanted I’d just let it go .... if they want to add a name when they are old enough to decide then that’s their choice

ZebraKid71 · 19/04/2019 21:51

Id just let it go, if they aren't bothered you're just doing it for you not for them..

Bumblebeesmum · 19/04/2019 21:57

They’d always have to do formally known as and go down deed poll route - if they don’t want it for themselves I don’t think it’s right either as they have their own identity you’d just be doing it for you - is it possible you’re having emotions about not having another baby to name?

Original poster

Yoozanaim · 19/04/2019 23:33

Ooh Ruth, why?! Care to say what it is? Did you already have a mn?

Yes, it does all sound like a ballache, and yes, I am doing it for me - well, naming them as a baby was for me, but also for them - bestowing upon them the most marvellous names I could think of. I am so annoyed though - I'd obviously made peace with it back when they were born, but knowing DH wasn't as against it as he once said, has annoyed me. I didn't push at all for DC2 as I didn't want her to have two mns if DC1 only had the one.

Haha, NOOOOO, Bumble - I am 100% complete with two. My body does not want to birth another baby either. I am just annoyed I didn't get to use all the names I wanted.

They are eight and four.

OP posts:

MercyBodle · 19/04/2019 23:33

I know someone who decided to add an extra middle to both her kids' names when they were 4 and 1 year old. (Similar story to yours - in the end he really didn't mind....whereas she felt strongly about it). This was in Australia so don't know how different to where you are, but it was quite straightforward.

Original poster

Yoozanaim · 20/04/2019 00:24

I expect it is straight-forward enough to do now - I don't want them to resent me when they are older and have to go through any palaver due to this though.
I think I can't do it, but am ranting at DH now being ok about it - when really it is too late. I feel wistful.

OP posts:

Original poster

Yoozanaim · 20/04/2019 00:25

*am ranting HERE; I am not ranting AT DH in RL.

OP posts:

Bumblebeesmum · 20/04/2019 00:43

Punch him instead

Bumblebeesmum · 20/04/2019 00:43

Virtually obviously please don’t actually assault him

PBobs · 20/04/2019 02:41

Please don't mess with their names. You don't know where they'll end up living or who they will end up marrying. Name changes and name stuff can be a total nightmare if paperwork isn't straightforward. Not everywhere is like the UK and life can be so hard when all you want is to get a new passport with the right name in it. Speaking from experience.

RuthW · 20/04/2019 08:34

In answer to your question I didn't have a middle name and have wanted one since I was 10. My mum regretted not giving me one but didn't think it was necessary at the time.

My grandmother was Elizabeth, my mum is Brenda Elizabeth and my dd (adult) is Florence Elizabeth May. She got two to make up for my lack of name.

So for my 50th I treated myself and I am now Ruth Elizabeth.

Raines100 · 20/04/2019 12:19

Sounds like a self-indulgent waste of time tbh. You get to bestow their names at birth, but once they become verbal and begin moving through the world their names belong to them e.g. Catherine decides if she's to be known as Kathy, Katy, or Kitty. Or Isadora. Or John.

The beautifully named Ruth Elizabeth demonstrates this, I think. She's changed it because it's hers.

DameSylvieKrin · 20/04/2019 12:25

You can use the additional names without doing a legal name change. I used my confirmation name after my middle name for years without any name change after school accidentally put it on my GCSE entries, never caused any problems.
If you got yourself some kind of decorative object or jewellery with the names plus extra middle names, would that scratch the itch?

bridgetreilly · 20/04/2019 13:22

If they're old enough to discuss it with, then yes, I think that's too old. Up to a year, maybe, though it seems a bit pointless to me. Just accept that their names are their names now and let it go. Middle names really don't matter much anyway.

bridgetreilly · 20/04/2019 13:23

So for my 50th I treated myself and I am now Ruth Elizabeth.

That's lovely. Well done, you.

englishdictionary · 20/04/2019 13:24

They won't use an extra middle name anyway so what's the point? Get a hamster and name double barrel the names to name it. Leave your kids alone. You would be creating an additional pita for no reason.

VanillaCoconutDove · 20/04/2019 13:43

Hi really think you need to let this go.

They have a given name you’re pleased with.

They have a middle name.

You want them to have another middle name? As walking talking mini people? It’s all a bit indulgent.

LittleMissMummaBear · 20/04/2019 14:12

I would just stick to the names they have, it isn’t going to really affect them. Unless they are really keen on getting another middle name and everyone is on board! x

BlueMerchant · 20/04/2019 14:17

How often will these added middle names be used? If purely on documents I think it's just a waste of time and a bit silly.

Quartz2208 · 20/04/2019 14:19

Having had a long name please dont add in a middle name - its a right pain when it doesnt all fit in and you have to write for ages.

Plus it would be for you but its not your name anymore it is theirs. They are old enough now to know there name and therefore IMO too late to change

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