How late is too late to add an extra middle name, or do I just accept things as they are?

[Yoozanaim]

Just that, really!

I felt really lucky that we had no first name naming issues - DH loved the names I put forward for our children, and let me have my first choice for both. I had my heart set on two middle names for each of them, but he is from a custom of no middle names, so felt one middle name was enough of a stretch. He chose one each from my choice of two, and I didn't push the second extra name as I felt very lucky he'd agreed to both my first name choice and one of my favourites for the one middle.

His brother's wife just had a baby and they are chatting, and he and SIL can't agree on a name, and DH says "so lucky we didn't have this drama" - and I said, "well, you didn't let me have the second middle names" - and he said, "oh, I didn't really mind - you could have."

I know this sounds daft but I feel really gutted. :(
Shall I give my head a wobble, or can I add a second middle name after all? Will it look stupid on their official documents? Are there any repercussions I need to consider?

Ruth, that's lovely - do you feel complete?!

Ok, I'm letting it go, pretty much just a rant I guess, so annoyed that I didn't get to give them the extra names - I had accepted it of course, but to then be told he didn't feel strongly about it, despite my being sure I had said so much that I really wanted it at the time, I am hacked off.

My DP agreed to let me add the second middle name I wanted when our DD was about a month old and I considered it lots. She's now 11 months and I've decided not to bother! Plus the letters in my daughters names are consecutively 4, 6 & 8 letters long, which we agreed is oddly pleasing 😂 so the 2nd middle name would have ruined that haha.

At those ages I'd discuss with them, I don't think you could unilaterally add a middle name unless the children liked and agreed - if they do, great! My mum added one informally at 11!

Similar to you I really wanted middle names but my DH didn’t and as I chose the first names I didn’t push it.
I wanted to give our DD my grandmother’s name as a middle name, which by coincidence was also DH’s grandmother’s name so would have been a lovely way to remember them both and a nice connection for our DD.
Happened to mention it to DD when she was about 7 and she loved the idea and now writes and signs her name including the middle name on everything... although we haven’t added it officially and will not be doing so.
She’s 9 now and might grow out of it but it’s quite sweet at the moment.

I really regret not adding a second middle name or going for a different one than the family name we did go with (very dull but made an elderly relative happy).
I don't think DS or anyone else will be that bothered about it though.

I'd love another go at naming a baby but sadly it's not to be.

Maybe it’s just the way your posts are written but you sound unpleasantly controlling. You got free reign with choice of first name, twice. You got your husband to agree to having a middle name when he didn’t want any, twice. You got to choose that middle name, twice. And now, eight years later, you are unpicking your hisband’s memories of a happy and harmonious process of naming your children?

Apart from all of that, I always think it isn’t a right to choose your child’s name, it’s a responsibility. A new baby doesn’t have a name, so you choose the name. But from then on, it’s that person’s name, it belongs to her/him as an individual. You no longer should tinker around with it. Change your own name and add all the middle names you could dream of. But don’t cause this confusion, bureaucratic headache and messing for your children, just to satisfy your own whim and to “prove” yourself right against your husband.

Lettuce, ha - I do like a bit of number pleasantness!

Ellen, they are not much more bothered than a newborn baby would be. I'm not doing it - it IS too much of a palaver, but I do feel annoyed with DH, and can't understand why he fought me on this when eldest was born, and now says he wouldn't have minded.

Ah mammamia, that is indeed very sweet.

Same, Moo - we are not having more. But even if we did, it's these current kids that I wanted to bestow the extra name on, not that I necessarily want to use the names up.

Well, I don't think I am especially controlling, sycamore, but yes - we do have control over what we call our children. I didn't just have free reign - he didn't say I could call them whatever I wanted - he just happened to agree with my choices. Also I am not out to 'prove' anything - I am genuinely just gutted he's now saying he would have been happy to have given them an extra middle name after all. I am not getting any more chances to name children, ever, so that's it. And I do feel it's too late now - DC are used to their names as they are.

For confirmation we got to add a second name, I’ve never used it.
My kids took my maiden name as their confirmation name.