Wondering about Baby Surname

[ansucre]

Hi, so am not married , and I and my 'partner' don't seem to have any future plans. I would say I do not entirely know what his pans are about being a father or a present on.
I am about to have my baby, and he already assumes the baby would have his surname.
I am very confused if it's best she has mine, or if I should give her his surname just so he doesn't run away. Want my daughter to have her father in her life. Please help

As he clearly isn't that invested in your relationship or being a df why would you let your baby have his surname? Tbh I would not even put him on the bc with such a flakey attitude!

Dont think I would put his name on BC either at this stage. I think it can be added at a later date if you wanted to.

We double barrelled our 3 children. Is that a possibility?

Give baby yours, or at most double barrel.

DD is double barrelled at that’s only because DH and I where married- if we weren’t she’d have just had my name, no matter how stable our relationship was.

A df can be added at any time in the future. A surname can be changed if you get married.
A first name can be changed in the first year.

If he would really run away over such a thing you’d be better off without him anyway. I would definitely use my own name in your situation - I’d want my children to share my name.

Traditionally, the baby gets the mother's surname if you aren't married. It's only recently (as in, last 20 or so years) that men have started to assume that a baby will automatically have their surname without having to do anything.

The baby's surname will be absolutely irrelevant in whether he decides to run away. In all honesty, if he's the type who would run away, I would be embarrassed to give my child his name.

If you absolutely must include your partner's, double barrel it. Personally I would register her with my name only.

Your name. And don't put him on the birth certificate.

His child having his sur name won't stop him from walking away if he wants to.

And his child having your sur name won't prevent him from being a good father if he steps up. But as you don't know his plans, and you do know that you will be a constant in the baby's life, choose your sur name.

Your name.

You go through the carrying of the baby. The birth. Ultimately the major upheaval.

If you are not married, what's one reason the baby should have his?

My ex married me on this basis for parental responsibility. Not that he does anything. At all.

And I went along with it because it was my first child. I wanted to be secure.

I wasn't.

You name all the way. And back again.

Your name

For the reasons everyone else has said. A father who is not interested will remain not interested no matter what name the child has.

Also it will be far easier for you on the future eg travelling, dealing with appointments etc if you and your DC have the same name.

Equally if you repartner then you have the opportunity to have all your children have the same name. Don’t throw this away for a feckless guy who doesn’t know what he wants

Totally what @Rainbowqueeen has said.

I had to take my birth certificate, daughters birth cert to get back in the uk. Along with a detailed description of why I'm not with her dad.

Saves you so much hassle.

Your name.

We only went for two weeks in Turkey

Well, I'm going to disagree here. We're not married and DD has DP's surname and mine as a middle name. We chose her first name first and his surname goes better with it. But we have a strong relationship and it's me that doesn't want to get married. I agree if your relationship's shaky just give her yours, use his as a middle name, double-barrel if you must.

🤔 this situation sounds depressing and messy - not sure why you thought bringing a child into this would be a good idea.

(Unless you really were the 1/100 contraception warns us about - in which case 100% give them your Surname we don’t live in the 50’s anymore children were automatically given the fathers surname back then because mothers were pretty much always married. It’s not just a god given right - your baby your name)

Use your name - otherwise you have loads of additional admin - travelling overseas, registering at doctor, childcare etc is all more difficult with different names. Strictly speaking it shouldn’t make a difference but it really does. Why give her the name of a bloke who’s disinterested in her? You’re her family, give her your name.

Don't even think about giving the baby his surname! It won't make him stay around (only the wish to be a good father will do that, and that's nothing you can influence) and you will be the main, possibly only parent in her life. You and she will be the family unit and she should have your name. Absolute no brainer.

Yours. I wouldn’t double barrel either. It sounds like you are the baby are going to be the main relationship and family unit here.

Use your surname, but don't keep him off the birth certificate as someone's already suggested.
Your DC deserves to know who her father is and should anything happen to your relationships you can go for CMS much easier withiut him claiming I'm the baby isn't his. Birth certificates aren't some point scoring exercise.

He’s not entirely sure what his plans are but you are entirely sure what yours are.

Why would you not put him on the birth certificate if you know he's the father? I don't understand this advice.

NecessaryOnABicycle
Because a minority of women think that who is dad depends on who they are in a relationship with. If a man isn't commited to their relationship then obviously that means the woman should prevent him having parental rights. Keeping the dad off the birth certificate becomes a way of scoring points with some openly saying they do it to make it more difficult for the dad to get court orders for contact, says over medical treatment etc.

Thanks @MaisyPops

It sounds to me like cutting off your nose to spite your face. And your child's face at that! If anything, if you think he is likely to be flakey, it would make it easier to claim maintenance etc if he is on the certificate.

Birth certificates aren't some point scoring exercise.

I agree with this. However, I would register her without him and then add him later to ensure he doesn’t try to force you to use his surname. You can’t include him on the certificate unless he registers the birth with you.

Definitely use your surname if you are not in a secure relationship.

Your name.