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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby name anger

35 replies

Ballerina68 · 08/09/2018 17:16

This is potentially going to sound ridiculous but bear with me...
My favourite girls name for many years has been Felicity and my dh loved it too. When we had my son 3 years ago he would have been Felicity if he was a girl and so when we fell pregnant at the beginning of this year it was top of our girls list again. Then my friend had a baby girl and called her Felicity. I cried!! I quickly got over it though as she isn’t a close friend and at the end of the day it’s just a name... so it stayed on our list and I came to terms with it having been used by someone we knew. I started to prefer another name anyway as it seemed to suit my sons name more as a sibling duo. When we asked my son what we should name the baby if she’s a girl he chose the alternative name so that was final. When she was born I briefly considered Felicity again but used it as her middle name instead. That way it was still part of her name.
Now my close friend (who knew the whole story from it being my favourite name 3 years ago, to how upset I was about someone else using it and even that we nearly called our daughter it still) had her baby this morning and has called her Felicity.
I can’t help but feel a bit... betrayed and upset. I realise it’s just a name and she may have also liked it and just because I like a name shouldn’t stop her from using it. But I feel it’s a bit strange that she would still choose this name knowing how attached I am to it and how close we are as friends. It just feels too close. It’s made me question if I made the right choice by not using it for my daughter (although I would never change her name now and I do genuinely love her name).
To be honest I’m not sure what the point of this post is. I’m just feeling upset and to be honest still hormonal from childbirth.
Has anyone else ever felt this strongly about a name? Please tell me I’ll get over it eventually?

OP posts:

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dinosaurkisses · 08/09/2018 17:19

So you decided not to use it as first name when you had your daughter, but you’re still upset that someone else did?

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable.

PuppyMonkey · 08/09/2018 17:20

I think as you didn’t actually choose it for your DD in the end, she’s probably thought “ooh, I’ll have that then.” I don’t think betrayal is quite the right word tbh.

SoyDora · 08/09/2018 17:22

But you didn’t use it? I’d understand your anger if you were pregnant and were planning to use it, but you had a DD and chose another name.

Mrbatmun · 08/09/2018 17:24

I totally opened this thinking it was going to be asking people their opinions on the name 'Anger' for a baby!

Secretsquirrel101 · 08/09/2018 17:24

I’d understand if you’d yet to have a daughter and your friend knew how much felicity apparently meant to you but you had a little girl and didn’t use it?! You’re being daft.

Sierra259 · 08/09/2018 17:28

Your friend probably only used the name because you had the opportunity to, but didn't.

I was devastated when BIL and SIL used the name I had mentioned in passing to SIL that we would use for a boy. I knew the old "you don't own a name" lecture, but it didn't make me any less upset for a while. It didn't help that we had been ttc for ages and were struggling. Now 2 years later, it honestly doesn't bother me in the slightest, though it has made me a bit more circumspect with how much I share with them! It's not rational to feel betrayed and upset, but emotions don't have to be rational. You will get over it in time, I promise.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/09/2018 17:28

You could have used it but you chose not to. Don’t think you can be cross about it.

HyggeHeart · 08/09/2018 17:30

I think your hormones are making you more upset than you would normally be. I'm glad you love your daughters name, try and focus on that for now and the rest won't feel half so strange when your hormones have settled and you are getting proper sleep. Hugs op!

margaurette · 08/09/2018 17:30

It's a nice name, and it's anyone's to use. 'Anger' seems an over reaction.

strawberrypenguin · 08/09/2018 17:33

But you had a chance to use it and didn't. Sorry but your friend wasn't in the wrong here

NonaGrey · 08/09/2018 17:35

But, but, but you could have used it! And you chose not to!

You have absolutely no basis for your anger.

I hope you haven’t mentioned this to your friend because it’s completely irrational.

JeSuisPrest · 08/09/2018 17:37

You started to prefer the other name as a first name so your friend probably thought she was safe to use it. You used Felicity as a middle name and chose another lovely name to go with it. It sounds like a case of "if I can't have it no one else can".

You should have used it as a first name if you loved it that much. You will get over it and as you say you see your daughter as her alternative name, not Felicity.

Disclaimer: DD is Felicity and I still love it

Original poster

Ballerina68 · 08/09/2018 17:37

Sierra259 and Hyggeheart thank you I think that’s what it is... hormones taking over and making me over react to this.
Thank you all for responding. I think I perhaps worded it wrong “anger” is a much stronger emotion than what I really feel. It’s just stung a bit that she used the name. I realise I didn’t use it as my dds first name but I just felt a bit stung that she seized the opportunity. (Also am very glad my dd was born early as originally she was due after my friend... then I would have been really pissed!!)
I do love my daughters name and you’re right I need to focus on that. Let’s hope my hormones calm down soon and stop making me feel so crazy. It is just a name after all.

OP posts:

Sontagsleere · 08/09/2018 17:40

I get it- it does feel odd to be upset and you can't quite put your finger on why you are upset. I recently had my baby and had told a friend the name we wanted if it was a boy. It had been on our short list twice before. Totally uncommon name. So she has a baby boy two weeks before me and used it. I'm aghast but what can I do? Said to my husband we can use it anyway as 'nobody owns a name' etc. but still I felt upset. In the end I had a baby girl and I am thrilled with her but whenever I see this person and her baby again I know irrationally it will bug me!

Original poster

Ballerina68 · 08/09/2018 17:42

Just to add... I’ve not mentioned it to anyone as deep down I realise I’m being irrational and would never bring it up with my friend. I didn’t use it as her first name and I don’t own it so my friend is entitled to use it. It just stung a bit but as she is such a close friend.
Hopefully I’m excused for being irrational due to having had a baby 2 weeks ago.... and this is why I posted here... so I could vent my frustration without actually saying something stupid to someone in real life! 😊

OP posts:

Original poster

Ballerina68 · 08/09/2018 17:45

This! I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I think you’re last sentence sort of sums up my feelings. Irrational feelings are not controllable! Congrats on your dd

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Sontagsleere · 08/09/2018 17:48

FYI I considered venting here too but didn't think I would get much sympathy! She was more of a mother and baby group acquaintance than friend but our kids will be attending the same school and obviously be in the same year. I think the advice to never discuss baby names is good advice!

NonaGrey · 08/09/2018 17:57

Hopefully I’m excused for being irrational due to having had a baby 2 weeks ago..

You completely are.

Congratulations on your new baby.

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 08/09/2018 18:40

Me too @Mrbatmun 😂

Cosmoa · 08/09/2018 18:51

I get it! It would do my head in. It shouldn't but it would!

There are names I've not used for my DD but if my close friend then used them I'd be well annoyed inside 😂 hormonal or not.

Obviously you're not gonna say anything and I wouldn't either. But I don't think you're being unreasonable. Or maybe you are... But I'm just saying I'd feel exactly the same.

Original poster

Ballerina68 · 08/09/2018 20:34

So glad I’m not the only one Cosmoa!!! Sontagsleere haha yes not much sympathy going on here... although there is some so I have been made to feel slightly better and that whilst I’m being irrational I’m not the only one who would feel this way!!
Also am loving that people are opening it thinking it’s about the name Anger for a child. 🤣

OP posts:

Elmo303 · 08/09/2018 20:38

I totally get why you’re upset, hormones or not. If I were your friend and wanted to use the name I probably would have mentioned it to you beforehand and said look I know not using this name really upset you but we’d really like to use it and are hoping you won’t mind -or something along those lines. It’s true that no-one owns a name but I do think that as she’s a close friend to be privy to all the upset you felt about that specific name before and then for her to just announce it without mentioning it to you at all is a bit weird. I know my close friends wouldn’t do that without saying something first. If she were just an acquaintance who knew the details it would be different.
If it were me I’d try and draw a line under it and move on, after all you do love your daughter’s name and at the end of the day that’s all that matters xx

mimibunz · 08/09/2018 20:44

Did you know that your friend also liked the name or did it come as a complete surprise?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/09/2018 20:47

Just call your baby Felicity. I think you will always regret it if you don't.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/09/2018 20:53

Is it possible that your friend has loved the name for years, had graciously ceded it to you and not said a word and was just delighted to be able to take the opportunity you've given her to use it, after all those years of tact, support and silence?

(Or quite possibly she got the idea form you and it stuck. Like Emma in Friends).

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