If Mumsnet had a baby.......

[Celestia26]

Just that really, a bit of fun!
So if Mumsnet had a baby what would it be called...?
I think a girl would be Ottilie and a boy would be Reuben. These seem to be universally loved on Mumsnet and are suggested loads!
Any other ideas?

And they would live in TONGA.

Growing up they would eat a lot of pesto pasta while secretly yearning for spam fritters. 😂😂😂😂😂

Op, please tell me you are joking about the baby vest!!!

Boy: Jender. Girl; Sis.

Babynet’s first word will be “organic”, and he/she will be given kale smoothies as a treat.

The paternal grandmother (yes, the dreaded MIL) won’t get to meet her DGC for at least six months, and then only for an hour. If she wants a cup of tea, she will have to make her own, as Babynet’s mother is far too tired from constant breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

MIL would be very unreasonable to expect more than annual contact with her DGC, as the new little family have busy lives, with baby gym, baby yoga, baby massage, baby music and baby babble classes. At ten months, Babynet can scream blue murder in English, French and Mandarin.

Weekends are spent hand-scrubbing nappies with pure soap flakes, rinsing quinoa and preparing sugar-free cakes.

Baby Mumsnet will be able to identify shapes and colours by ten months, and recite their favourite books by heart at one year. But don't worry, all children are different, yours will catch up!

Ottilie is polarising. Definitely not universally loved.

I am astounded for the love of Margot and other similarly old and dowdy names.

Sebastian or Gabriel

Ottilie

Avocado for a boy.

His nickname would be Smash clearly.

Verity or Jonty

God I hope that babygrow is a joke. Who in the name of god would buy that?! Grim

I’ve seen that slogan on a baby grow in real life too, sadly.

@PixelAteMe

Sounds pretty good to me 😂😂😂

What's so wrong about the vest idea? Why are people being so ignorant about breast feeding and cloth nappies? Hate to break it to you all but breastfeeding is natural and the norm. And cloth nappies are amazing for obvious reasons. I have massive respect for anyone who breastfeeds and uses cloth nappies!!!

And no, I don't use cloth nappies or have a vegan child named 'Quinoa' before you jump to any ignorant stereotypical presumptions about me.

I don't think it's the activities on the vest that people are questioning but the idiocy of putting your baby in a vest which tells the world that you do them and in a pretty naff rhyme...
I like spinach smoothies and avoid alcohol but I do not wear a t shirt with these facts on!

@ParisNext okay I suppose I can see your point there! It does sound a bit arrogant to buy a vest like that I guess 😂

The mumsnet baby would definitely have Rose as their middle name!

Are there any boy middle names as common as Rose, Grace, May, and Rae?

Loving Jender and Sis 😂

Margot for a girl.
Sebastian or Reuben for a boy.

Parents would have joint maternity leave, and employ a cleaner whilst Mum had regular spa days and lie ins. Dad would also wake regularly for night feeds.

Baby would obviously be in cloth nappies and spend its days in a sling sleeping peacefully whilst Mum rests.

Baby would do lots of baby classes and Mum would regularly get to sip coffee (decaf obvs!) in pretentious coffee chains.

Baby would be weaned on organic food and be on first name terms with health food staff.

Literally the complete opposite of my parenting experience

Cosmoa (sorry I don't know how to link or tag!). ParisNext is right, it's the need to tell the world you are doing these things, as if by doing them makes you a better parent.
Some people can't breastfeed, cloth nappy, or wear their baby, and seeing it plastered on a vest is just annoying!

PixelAteMe your description of BabyNet is brilliant!

And unfortunately the vest is not a joke sadly.

Sorry I just had a thought that my last reply sounded rude! I didn't mean for it to!

Just to explain.....I wanted to do all those things, and planned to, but my daughter was born with a genetic facial defect, making breastfeeding impossible sadly. I found cloth nappies too time consuming because of the difficulty I had feeding her, and had to prioritise my time (feeding was more important). I didn't wear her even though I bought a sling as her breathing was affected by the defect and it was unsafe.

I saw the mentioned vest on a child at soft play one day when I was at my lowest ebb (my daughter about to face another operation), and it made me feel like absolute shit that I couldn't do the same.

I applaude parents who do these things, but they don't need to boast about it.

@Celestia26 I know! That's why I replied saying I understand that it comes across as arrogant. I breastfeed but I wouldn't dare boast about it as I understand not all can do it.

And sorry about your daughter. (I skimmer your last post before reading it properly) Sounds like you have done and amazing job with her and I bet she's a beautiful little girl regardless of the facial defect 😊❤ Well done mama!! X

Kit (short for Christopher) for a boy

Sylvia or Juliet for a girl.