Baby taking Fathers surname but we're not married

[Rooroo1012]

I'm debating on whether I should give our baby his Fathers Surname.

We are not married and although we've been together for 5 years, it has been a rocky relationship.

Should I give the baby his surname or mine?
What would you do?

If he's stropped off about something like this then its probably best to leave him to get on with it. Who knows what he'll do if he actually has to do any parenting and you have a difference of opinion?

My daughter had my partner's surname as it's much nicer than mine. Don't think we'll ever get married. I have absolutely no issues having a different surname to my daughter and don't foresee any. If we got married and all had the same name presumably he could still fly off out of the country with her if he was that way inclined. And if we did break up I certainly wouldn't fly off with her without his permission anyway. I don't think we're more likely to break up because we're not married.

However that fact he is acting like such a child over it and your relationship is clearly not a solid one means you are totally right to take a stand over this.

After much arguing, he has finally realised the sense in taking my surname. He’s backed down and said he wants to make me happy and will be happy with whatever name we choose. It shouldn’t have been such an issue to begin with but hey ho, at least he’s come round to my way of thinking. Thanks again for all he helpful advice and support

I would just double-barrel and then whether you split, get married, or stay together unmarried, you never need to change it.

Actually my preference is to double-barrel regardless.

Not sure if it helps but my baby is taking his father's surname but we are engaged and wouuld be married if I wasn't so worried about looking like a whale. The step children have his surname too so we want them to feel like a family IE that he is going to be their blood relative which he is.
In your situation I would double barrall tbh and then change later on if needed.

If you double barrel then split up, why would you need to change it? The guy would still be the child's father. That's the good thing about double barrelling!

My sister gave the kid his, it was a shakey thing, and now it's our family bringing up baby, he should have our name since he is one of our tribe, he is not theres, they see him minimally.

Obviously your surname. His behaviour has made that even more of a no-brainer!

My dp (As much as I love him) he bullied me into giving our dc his second name. A few months later we hypinated it like I wanted. But I will never forgive my partner for forcing me to give our son his name and his both certificate will always be incorrect.
Do what you are comfortable with but I would say your or hypinate it.

This is such a personal decision. I’m divorced, having married at a stupidly young age, and although I don’t regret it, I have very different opinions on marriage now to my early twenties.

I’m in a loving and committed relationship. We’ve been together 5yrs. He’s honestly my soul mate. But I feel no rush, no need to marry. I don’t think I’d take his surname even if we did; I’m well known in my professional circle, my nickname is based on my family name, so much of my personality is wrapped up in being me.

We are now TTC. We’ve talked about naming, and of course OH wants our baby to have his surname. He has two other children and they have his surname (despite their mother briefly registering them with a school under her maiden name) so it follows (in his mind, I do see his point) that his third child has the same surname.

But I feel very strongly that baby should have my surname. I am unlikely to have more than one, and my sister has married and given away her maiden name for her husband's. My brother won’t have children. I could carry the last in our line...

Apart from that fact, I’m riding on the feminist wave... I’m not into patriarchal tradition, I beat a different drum. It’s 2018! Why should I give away my identity (and part of my child’s) because that ‘just what’s done’, I’m outspoken enough to think differently.

Do what you want. Don’t be told.

I gave my daughter her Dad's name. It's a much nicer and less common name and he's a wonderful father to her. No matter what happens with us, nothing will change that! But from reading your situation I would agree to your reason to give your name!

Sessy stick to your guns.

Apart from anything else, his assumption that the child gets his surname is enough of a reason to demonstrate otherwise!

The way I see it is that unkess he did something truly unforgivable then he is always going to be their Dad and very involved in their lives.

Does this not also apply to you as their mum?

Sessy19 sounds like another good candidate for a double-barrelled surname! I don't get what so many people have against them.

Double barrel suits me. Although we deliberately didn't hyphenated as they are two surnames, not a newly created one iyswim. Everyone in Spanish speaking countries has two surnames, one from their mum and one from their dad. No confusion or breakdown of family trees has ensued!

No just Spanish-speaking countries either.

Somebody help me with all these abbreviations 🤣
I'm not an old dad I was born in 1992

The mother's surname is traditional for unmarried couples where I live.

Your surname or a hyphenated one imo.

But seeing as your P is apparently a dick... Just your surname, I'd say. Will you put him on the BC?

Interestingly enough... Giving the children of unmarried mother's the mother's surname is also a patriarchal traditional, isn't it?

It's about the mother not having the right to use the father's surname for the baby... If he didn't make the choice to acknowledge them / marry her...