Baby taking Fathers surname but we're not married

[Rooroo1012]

I'm debating on whether I should give our baby his Fathers Surname.

We are not married and although we've been together for 5 years, it has been a rocky relationship.

Should I give the baby his surname or mine?
What would you do?

I agree it seems to be ‘normal’ and I just don’t understand why.

As the mother it’s likely you will be doing most of the care giving. Doctors appointments, dealing with the school etc. I wouldn’t want to have a different name to my child - married or unmarried.

He split up with you because you told him you were giving your baby your name? Please don’t get back together with him.

NotMyFinestMoment - thas awful. I sometimes think that my xp might use baby against me if things turned nasty which is why I want to make sure I do things correctly. Especially with the name.

Yes he split up with me because of this!
Its crazy.
The thing is, his mum gave him his dads surname and they weren't married. So when they split his mum got his surname changed by deed pole back to her name! And my partner wonders why I want to give our baby my surname.

Definitely your name.

Give DS2 your surname. Don't double-barrel. It will be better for the two brothers to have the same surname as you, especially should you split from the father.

MikeUniformMike - I definitely want my two sons to have the same surname. It just makes sense. I'm going to let my partner calm down before approaching the conversation again since he's so pissed about the baby having my surname.

The surname thing is your choice and your decision. Your DP could change his surname to yours. (Maybe best not to suggest that right now.)

My niece gave her son her partners surname. He's then fucked off. Although the boy has a relationship with his dad's mum, he never sees his dad. He's 10 now and doesn't like not being a "FeckOff". You could see it all happening but she was young and thought they'd be together for ever.

Just as an opposing view, DH and I had both our kids before we married. They have DH's surname, I guess it was a gesture to acknowledge his role in their lives or something.
We're married now but I didn't change my name, sometimes I do wonder if I was to travel abroad with them or anything how I would actually prove they are my DCs without taking numerous certificates. But that is the position many men are in too.
DC's aren't bothered about not sharing my name, in fact it's given us a good reason to talk about different family types, identity etc.

Woah, he's a maniac.

Your name, and reconsider putting him on the birth certificate. Let him earn Parental Responsibility.

Both my DC have my partner's. Double barrelled it sounds silly, I have zero attachments to my name and I do plan to change it when we marry.

In your situation though I definitely would have used mine.

I'm in the same camp as @Ihaventgottimeforthis both my dc's have my partners name. I'm not 'big' on marriage but expect we will marry later on when the children can be part of it and our families accept that I don't want a 'wedding.' I will keep my surname though.

In your situation I would give dc my surname, 1) to have the children having the same surname, 2) because of the rockiness of the relationship.

Let him go, OP. You’ve already said the relationship has been rocky and he’s used this as an excuse to leave. He’s expecting you to run after him and promise to give the baby his name. Just don’t. This is a sign of your future relationship with him.

He's definitely using this as an excuse to run off until I give in but I'm not going to. I know he's just angry at me so by 'breaking up' with me is his way of acting out...like an immature child. Oh well, I'll let him get on with it as I know what decision I'm making and its to have my surname.

I've been in a relationship with my Dp for 30 years.
As we were not married when we had Dd1 she was given my surname (non negotiable on my part,I always wanted to have the same name as my children)
When Dd2 came along she got my surname for same reason.
We did and do intend to get married but have just not got around to it.
We are all fine and happy with the name situation

He's not your partner - he's broken up with you? Why would you speak to him again?

Definitely your surname and I wouldn’t bother taking him to register the birth either!

I don’t understand the double barrelling though, it seems so short sighted. How are all these kids with double barrelled names going to handle naming their own children? Kids will end up with four surnames or families down the generations will all have different/patchy/mix and match surnames.

My 3 kids have their dad's surname (he is my DP of 11 years)

The way I see it is that unkess he did something truly unforgivable then he is always going to be their Dad and very involved in their lives.

I can't really foresee any instance kids having his name is a problem? Even if we did break up (never been an issue, we're pretty rock solid) I'm too old for any more kids and wouldn't change my name if I were to marry a new partner.

Hey, you grew them and gave birth to them. Why shouldn't they have your surname as a matter of course?

Gave my DD my ex's surname because
-his is easy to spell
-I always hated mine
-it meant I had more 'weight' choosing the first names
-I added mine in as another middle name as I don't like hyphenating ordinary people's surnames (always think in my head, 'ah the joining together of the great houses of Johnson and Thompson') and because what do you do a generation further down? Have four names? Drop the least attractive two?

I'd just choose the name you prefer, really and if necessary, add yours somewhere for getting through airport security purposes.

Clearly nrft as points have been made before and OP, he is being a massive child. Sounds like you are handling things in a sensible way.