Isabella renamed Isabel by older aunt

[mummananna]

My granddaughter who I have under Special Guardianship, so is in effect my daughter, is called Isabella. Although popular it is a pretty name but we tend to call her Bella although we know she wants to be called Izzy (which we had tried to avoid!) The thing is an older relative (great aunt on my partner's side) keeps calling her Isabel and today on a family visit presented her with a table mat with Isabel on it which she bought from the gift shop at a farm we visited today. I am feeling very sensitive about this as my gd is sensitive but has learned to be polite and not say anything. Now she has a table mat (which she doesn't have to use and probably won't) with the wrong name on it! She had to pretend to be pleased with the present and not therefore be honest. Throughout the evening I referred to my gd as Bella and then tried saying pointedly Isabella. I don't know if she got the message but am hoping she did! As no child likes to be called the wrong name! Do you think I am being too sensitive?

Redlocks28 My sister in law does not want her to be called Isabel, she just thinks it is her name and calls her that, it is not a conscious decision. It is very difficult to undo this now - just need to be more upfront and honest with her while being polite. SleepingStandingUp, you are wrong, she makes her choices, that is why I had the discussion with her in the first place, she chooses her own clothes etc too, no I do not have more importance than her! And yes, we are changing over to Izzy, as you say and I often use her full name in the transition. She said secondary school as she feels she wants to do this to make it more "official". But yes, I am making the change but harder for her granddad.

Redlocks28 in no way do I make her feel horrid about it. She knows I support the change. Please do not jump to conclusions.

blueskyinmarch, thank you, you are absolutely right. I did overreact, but some of these responses have, like yours, been most helpful.

Tell your sister-in-law that names are a bit of a sensitive issue at the moment, so if she wants to buy personalised gifts, it might be best to stick with Izzy as that's the short form your GD seems most comfortable with.

I agree with everyone, let her be called the name she chooses. That is the respectful thing to do. 'My name is 'Tinky-Winky' 'ok darling!
As far as great aunt and imperfect gift... why does it matter? Older friends and relatives are famous for odd gifts it teaches children to learn to be grateful and polite!

yikesanotherbooboo, a very valid point. And my gd is polite. And yes, we have had a number of unsuitable gifts from older relatives, come to think of it but don't usually see the senders face to face. All good points of view.

Redlocks28 My sister in law does not want her to be called Isabel

I’m confused. I don’t recall mentioning your sister in law at all?

Isn’t it your partner’s great aunt we are talking about or is this another person?

Redlocks her sister in law is her granddaughter's great Aunt, the same person who bought her the Isobel table mat. I think the point is the gift buyer thinks Isobel is the young girl's formal given name - it's a misunderstanding which everyone is too polite to correct, not an attempt to re-name her.

Oh!

I was totally confused from this an older relative (great aunt on my partner's side). So, it’s your partner’s sister.

From the first post, I got the impression it was someone quite elderly? Are they your sort of age-can you talk to them ‘easily’?

If you genuinely think your sister in law actually thinks her name is Isabel, I would actually say something. If you can’t say, ‘you do realise her actual name is Isabella, do you?’ Then maybe something along these lines...

Tell your sister-in-law that names are a bit of a sensitive issue at the moment, so if she wants to buy personalised gifts, it might be best to stick with Izzy as that's the short form your GD seems most comfortable with.

I wouldn’t worry too much; an old uncle used to call my brother Louise (his name is Tim). Wtf?!

Hi Redlocks28, yes, it's hard to correct my sil as my partner can be touchy. I think these responses to my rather unclear post have helped me to decide what to do. Tbh the name change even though shortened one is hard even for my gd to get used to although I'm sure that is what she wants. I am calling her Izzy now and refer to her as Isabella and correcting myself if automatically starting to say Bella! My partner will get used to it and what I will do is thank you cards with Izzy as her 9th birthday is in August so that is a good time to let everyone know! Btw my sister in law is just a few years older than me but I am younger than my years lol I have to be as raising a beautiful little girl! Thank you all.

an old uncle used to call my brother Louise (his name is Tim). Wtf?!

Fantastic Dixie!

OP - does it have to be one name? I get my full name from some people and a shortened version from others. A friend's daughter is called Isobella, and that is the name she puts on family Xmas cards. But she refers to her as Izzy (a lovely name imo) in conversation.

mummanana it sounds as if you are taking your grandaughter's wishes seriously, which is great. Also you are listening to what people say, which most people can't actually genuinely do! Its a gift.

I do agree with those saying your granddaughter doesn't have to "change her name". She can be Isabella to some people, Bella to you and your partner and Izzy to her friends, for example. Many, perhaps most, people with a longer name end up that way!

My second child has a name with only 4 letters but his friends call him a made up name which is a combination of his and my 3rd child's name for some unfathomable reason, and have done for a couple of years. He seems to like this, so fair enough. He doesn't expect me to call him it, nor extended family, nor his teacher (even though she has mentioned it to me in baffled amusement as an aside) - though! One of his friends is called Philip but universally referred to as Pepsi by children. No adults call him that either!

Hi catinapoolofsunshine, I love your name! Yes, thank you for that and I see that very well - however, the name Bella has more or less become her real name except at school so I do think it is time to change it over to Izzy now. But I get what you're saying and your example is very amusing too. How endearing, the name Pepsi! My own son is always called Raph, short for Raphael. Everyone calls him that and rarely does anyone call him Raphael except for official purposes! Thank you so much for your comment. In fact, I do take my gd's happiness and wishes very seriously and my main vice is spoiling her which I have to work on NOT doing as I am mum too - maybe I should post a (more neutral) question about pocket money next :-)

Sounds like you are doing a superb job-huge apologies for my earlier post, I really misunderstood.

I’d be tempted to speak to your D/GD about ‘aunty x’ and make a bit of a joke of it about her getting the name wrong between you. It defuses the problem and let’s her know you understand.

Lovely solution from your subsequent posts-sounds like you’ve got things well in hand :)

I have noticed that some people (usually older generation) can have a real stubbornness when it comes to acknowledging children's names. It's as if they can't accept what has been chosen and so constantly use their "correct" version of the name. I have noticed this with names that may possibly sound a bit foreign, so Isabella gets corrected to Isabel because that's what "it should be in English". It happens with both my DCs' names with a couple of people we know, we just accept that it's part of their (rather annoying)personalities and have a bit of a laugh about it!

Hi Appuskidu, that's ok, there are bound to be misunderstandings and thank you so much for your last comment. Yes, I've spoken to my gd and it's fine now, she understands that some (older) people will get her name wrong! Now I am glad I posted this as you are such a lovely bunch and your responses have helped me to think things through!

Hi boxyfingo, that is also true. And they don't want to change once they have decided something! It is to do with some kind of inflexibility I think! I never want to be like that - LOL

Hi Dixiestampsagain, hahaha - that is really funny and lighthearted!