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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Different surnames?

48 replies

ExpectingFirst · 03/04/2018 16:30

Hi,

Just wanted to get a general idea of what peoples opinions/decisions are/were when you and your partner have different last names?

Is it common for the LO to have mums last name? Or should they have dads last name? I have no idea what to do. We have mentioned double barrelled but it would make it rather long.

I have always said I would never get married either but who knows in the future.

TIA

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sockunicorn · 03/04/2018 16:33

I go traditional and gave dads surname. I don’t think I know anyone (not sharing a surname) who didn’t either double barrel or go with Dads. However think it’s just down to your preference :)

Arapaima · 03/04/2018 16:34

Either is possible. Traditionally it's usually the Dad's, but personally I'd want my child to have my name.

Could either work as a middle name rather than double barrelled?

MaryPoppinsStoleMyHandbag · 03/04/2018 16:36

We gave DD her dad’s surname. We will get married at some point when we get round to it . I didn’t change my surname when I got married to exh but I will this time round so we’ll all have the same surname at some point

LastNightsMakeUp · 03/04/2018 16:37

My dd has my partners sn. Personally if we marry I wouldn't change my name anyway. I only know of dc's being given only the mothers sn when the parents are estranged or expecting to be in the future.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 03/04/2018 16:38

I gave DD my surname. I wouldn't have considered anything else. Our names were too long to double barrel.

MollyDaydream · 03/04/2018 16:39

My children all have my surname. I have no intention of changing my name either.

I think traditionally unmarried mothers give their own surname not the father's.

Bythebeach · 03/04/2018 16:43

All three of mine have my surname. I have only met one other mother in real life who has given a kid her name......it was right for our family.

sirlee66 · 03/04/2018 16:44

After a very unhappy childhood and never feeling like I belonged, I've always wanted a unit. Having a family name and the same name as my husband and future DC was a big deal for me so I got married before we started trying.

This isn't a big deal for lots of families though. My DH's mum was not married to his dad and he has his Mother's surname (which Is now also my name!)

MIL sadly passed away. DH was her only boy and so feels very proud and privileged to carry on her name - it feels like he's got a little peice of her with him.

However, MIL and FIL were technically never together in the first place and FIL was always just a EOW dad. Would have been odd for DH to have a different name to his Mum (and his nan with the same surname) as they were the people he lived with, his immediate family, who he connects with.

Besed of DH's experiences, if I had a different surname to DH, I would give my children my name.

user2929 · 03/04/2018 17:45

Both dds got his surname. We married when they were 3 and 7.

TinoTheArtisticMouse · 03/04/2018 17:53

DD has surname (and dc 2 will too). If we marry I won't change my name.
No plans to become estranged (what an odd comment ^^).

BurtTyrannosaurusMacklin · 03/04/2018 18:03

Mine has my surname. I believe it is “traditional” for children to have father’s surname (probably something that comes down to ownership essentially) but we’re not very into tradition and I love sharing our name, although I realise some people will probably make assumptions about me being a single parent or DP being a stepdad but that’s not a big concern for us.

RoryHatesCoffee · 03/04/2018 18:06

If not married I'd definitely give your surname. If you have a different surname it can make it hard to travel with the baby.

And just because it's tradition why the hell should the dads surname automatically trump yours? You're the one pushing the baby out and presumably doing the majority of childcare in the first year.

KirstenRaymonde · 03/04/2018 18:11

Actually it’s traditional for children to have their mother’s name, not the fathers. If unmarried then mother’s name, if married Mum would traditionally have changed her name so the children would get that name. It’s only very recently that unmarried mothers have started giving children the fathers name that isn’t their own. I know way to many women who gave kids dad’s name, the Dad then sods off and the kids share their name with no one. Give them your name or double barrel.

KirstenRaymonde · 03/04/2018 18:15

In the past an illegitimate child would quite possibly not be claimed by the father, only legitimate children - born in marriage and eligible to inherit - would carry their fathers name. The father could later bestow their name on their illegitimate child to claim them and give them rights, but it certainly wasn’t the norm

LucyGayheart · 03/04/2018 18:17

I'm married to my DS's father, but it didn't even occur to me to change my name, it not being 1786, and DS has my surname.

TheCraicDealer · 03/04/2018 18:19

I know way to many women who gave kids dad’s name, the Dad then sods off and the kids share their name with no one

This. Saw it so many times through school (with a few kids changing their names to "match" their mum as she remarried or divorced a step dad) at work or on here. Just wouldn't do it unless double barrelled. It's not traditional when you're unmarried, it's just people adopted some traditions associated with marriage as cohabiting became more socially acceptable.

KirstenRaymonde · 03/04/2018 18:20

@LucyGayheart no need to be judgey - there are as many good reasons for either parter to change their name on marriage as there are to not

Pannacott · 03/04/2018 18:21

Our two kids have different surnames, to match each parent. I didn't want to be the only one in my family with my surname.

Chembe · 03/04/2018 18:22

I could never have a different surname to my child. My daughter has mine and I'm expecting again and so next child will too! I'm not sure I'd even change our names now if DP and I marry. Too much hassle. Although some children at school (or maybe it was parents) seemed to think DP was step dad because of it!

IVflytrap · 03/04/2018 18:24

Traditionally, if the parents weren't married, the child automatically got the mother's surname - I know this because there's a fair number of cases in my family tree. If the parents later married after the child's birth, the child either got the father's surname in addition, or changed solely to the father's. That was definitely the case from the 1700s til at least the 1940s.

Personally I would go with double-barrelled. Makes it easier when one of you is travelling with your LO outside the country.

KatharinaRosalie · 03/04/2018 18:28

Who is more likely to be the primary carer (generally or if you break up)? The one who deals with school and doctor's appointments and all? Makes it a lot easier if the child shares the name with that parent.

LucyGayheart · 03/04/2018 19:03

no need to be judgey - there are as many good reasons for either parter to change their name on marriage as there are to not

Or this might well be the case if men and women routinely took the other's surname, only they don't. The 'good reasons' behind why there's still a cultural expectation that women should do it are not, to my mind, particularly convincing.

strongswans · 03/04/2018 19:23

My son has my surname, I would never change mine on marriage.

squoosh · 03/04/2018 19:55

Give him your surname or give him both surnames.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 03/04/2018 20:08

I kept my maiden name when I married DH.

DC have his name. It just goes better! We named DD after a woman I see as my mother, and, with my surname, she would have had the same name as a tragic popstar.

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