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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Different surnames?

48 replies

ExpectingFirst · 03/04/2018 16:30

Hi,

Just wanted to get a general idea of what peoples opinions/decisions are/were when you and your partner have different last names?

Is it common for the LO to have mums last name? Or should they have dads last name? I have no idea what to do. We have mentioned double barrelled but it would make it rather long.

I have always said I would never get married either but who knows in the future.

TIA

OP posts:

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Natsku · 04/04/2018 13:31

I gave my daughter her dad's surname and regret it now (he is no longer in her life). Little brother has my name and thankfully my OH was fine with that.

Buntysoven · 04/04/2018 23:19

I had a bloody awful maiden name (sorry parents but it's true) so couldn't wait to have a very common normal surname. The bliss of not cringing in the doctor's waiting room!

harrietm87 · 05/04/2018 04:40

If you're not married then absolutely give the baby your surname. Complete no brainer.

lifechangesforever · 05/04/2018 04:50

My grandma would have a coronary if a child wasn't given their father's surname .. even my mother would

I'm married so DD will be getting our married surname, if we weren't I think I'd still give her dad's surname but my name as a middle name instead. Both SIL on both sides have done this.

TammyWhyNot · 05/04/2018 05:39

Our DC have hyphenated names (and we are married. Not that that makes a difference name-wise).

Give the baby your surname. Then if he wants your DP can also adopt your surname, whether or not you marry.

Tradition is outdated and based on some dodgy old principles and beliefs.

Our kids have 5 syllable surnames from 2 cultures and love it. We didn’t bother with middle names.

EasterRobin · 05/04/2018 06:04

Typically unmarried mothers give the child their surname.

For married mothers with different surnames there is more of a mix but if they don't double-barrel they mostly they go with the husband's name. That said, you see plenty of divorced mums whose child has ex partner's surname and wish they'd chosen differently.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 05/04/2018 06:08

DS has my maiden name, he was born before we got married and the only bit of advice my father gave me was to register him with my name in case we split up later. I did, and then when we got married DH and I decided not to change his name (although I changed mine) because there are no other males in the family to carry on the name and my only sister is unlikely to have children. We always said DS could change it when he's older if he wants; he's 18 now and has decided to stay as he is.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 05/04/2018 06:32

Well me and DP are not married so have different last names. Both kids have his surname as that’s generally the tradition on both sides of our family’s. Even though my surname is much better, even he says his surname is awkward. Saying that I couldn’t imagine my DC with my surname it just seems weird when I think about it now.
I work with a lot of Spanish people and they have 2 surnames. Thier mums first and then dads.

BertrandRussell · 05/04/2018 06:38

Hyphenate. Or give them your name. Or make up a new name for all of you. Or give the boys his name and the girls yours.
Whatever you do is fine. But make it a conscious decison Don't just default to his.

BertrandRussell · 05/04/2018 06:42

"Typically unmarried mothers give the child their surname."
Do they? I know a lot of children whose parents are not married. The vast majority have their father's name, a few are hyphenated. A couple have their mother's name. And both of those do not have a father around at all. One is the result of a one night stand whose father does not know she exists. The other was conceived by donor insemination.

Grandmaswagsbag · 05/04/2018 06:47

I’m married but kept my name but my dd has her dads name. It was a bit of a compromise but he felt he wanted to pass something on and if his wife didn’t want his name his daughter should have it. He was also worried about people thinking he wasn’t bio father, which i can see is more likely to happened than when she’s out with me. I’ve known families who give their kids different surnames to be fair but that sounds like a bit of a confusing nightmare to me!

Theducksarenotmyfriends · 05/04/2018 06:47

We kept our own surnames but gave dc a merged version of both our surnames so we've all got different names!

PandaCat · 05/04/2018 06:50

Both DDs have their father's name as I plan to change when married. I have no attachments to my surname.

DoubleHelix79 · 05/04/2018 07:04

We double-barreled. Both our names are one syllable only, so not too much of a hassle to say out loud. Nobody has really commented on it, but then we're in London.

BertrandRussell · 05/04/2018 07:10

It's amazing how often women say "I compromised" when what they have done is let a man have what he wanted.

Grandmaswagsbag · 05/04/2018 07:16

Bertrand to be fair my dh wanted me to take his name, that would have been his choice, something about it being easier to be a ‘family unit’. I couldn’t have it all my own way really. I have a large family with brothers, so traditionally they will most likely be passing my name on at some point (or maybe not). He’s doesn’t have any full siblings. I think he was worried about his name ‘dying out’ which is understandable as it’s a pretty unusual Norwegian name. I was happy for my dd to have it, it’s a nice name but not MY name which I wanted to keep for myself. So in the end it was a choice we were both happy with.

TinyPawz · 05/04/2018 07:22

My Dd has her fathers surname, it was mine at the time too because we were married. However when we split, I changed both our names to my maiden name.

Currently pregnant again and DP & I have discussed that flump will have my surname. So all children will be the same. If we chose to marry, I will double barrel but kids will remain maiden. Dd father (sperm donor really) would never agree to her double barrelling and I would be loath to make a difference.

RedDwarves · 05/04/2018 10:58

Mine will have my surname.

I have no intention of ever changing my surname, and I'm not fussed on patriarchal traditions, such as the one which dictates that children of married women should automatically have the father's name.

0to3sadonions · 05/04/2018 11:50

I chose the nicer name, just happened to be DPs

BertrandRussell · 05/04/2018 11:57

“I chose the nicer name, just happened to be DPs”

Colour me surprised!

Lobsterquadrille2 · 05/04/2018 12:29

I'm getting married in July and have no intention of changing my name. My compromise is that I am not expecting DP to change his either. I wouldn't mind a different name in theory as my parents chose ours out of a telephone directory and it is therefore boring but easy to spell.

0to3sadonions · 05/04/2018 12:44

@bertrandrussell my surname is the name of a (very tasty) food 🥓 but I had the piss ripped out of me constantly about it throughout school. DPs surname is nice, simple and although not popular there’s no way it could be mispronounced or ridiculed. So colour yourself sanctimonious.

ElfEars · 05/04/2018 13:02

DS has my surname. DH took my surname when we married.

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