Baby surname help!!!????!!!!

[Baby1wine0]

Hi im new to this so please bare with me! ... i am 23 weeks preganant with my first child - a baby boy 😊 ... i have decided i would like a double barrel surname of both mine and my boyfriends names. He is very VERY unhappy about this and i dont think his family are too pleased either. We have a rocky relationship to say the least but i am trying to make it work for the baby's sake. AIBU?? i used to think we'd eventually get married but now im not so sure -its my baby just as much as his and i want to feel connected by name as well as everyging else. When i take him to school etc i dont want to be picking up a child who doesnt even have my name?!?! My family are pressuring me to stick to my guns - they cant stand my boyfriend - if they had the choice the baby would have JUST my surname ... i just dont know what to do?!?

I've got 3 dc and been separated from their dad for 9 years, all have his surname. All I get called at school/docs/hospital is Mrs Exs Surname, I just answer now as I've gave up correcting them and say no its Miss.....

Your surname only.

Especially if you want to get married one day. Otherwise, I can categorically say that it will Never Happen.

I don't think there's any unemotional, mature, sensible reason not to double barrel the surname.

Regardless of him being a dick about the name and their personal relationship being rocky, they are both the parents of the child and both deserve equality in that relationship.

"Regardless of him being a dick about the name and their personal relationship being rocky, they are both the parents of the child and both deserve equality in that relationship."

So women don't have equality in the relationship when a baby has the father's name only?

I agree go with your surname or double barrelled is a good way to compromise and you can always change it later to just your surname if things don’t work out. I hate when men think their surname is more important, it’s ridiculous.

So women don't have equality in the relationship when a baby has the father's name only?

I don't know – people are talking about denying parental rights! I'm not an expert. Seems like you picked a kind of irrelevant tangent from my post, though.

Whoever would be left with the majority of the day to day childcare for years to come you in the event of a split likely should give the child their surname. Thousands of men want the 'status' of giving their DC their surname, but are quite happy to walk away from said DC when it all goes pear shaped. Don't be naive.

Just your surname Hun x and run for the hills! Get all your family support around you. A first baby is wonderful, but hard, dnt let him taint it for u! If he stays around and is good to you both then move on together as a family when u r emotionally stronger xx good luck

I agree with only your surname but not putting his name on the BC is more than a little harsh. He’s their child 50/50 and I don’t believe that it’s fair to deny a father PR just because the mother decides it. The OP was asking about Surname, not about taking away a dad’s rights because they aren’t getting along!!

I'm married and our children were born after we were married, but they still have my surname. There are several reasons for it. But primarily it had to do with the fact that I wanted to keep my surname, and couldn't see any valid reason why my children should have his name over mine.

So, give the baby your name. Especially as your relationship is already unstable.

I would give the baby my surname only. If you work things out further down the line and marry you can change his name to that of your partner, or double barrel then
^this.

His sister can give her children the family name if it's that important to her

Thank u all so much for your help ... PR isnt an issue at he end of the day its 'our' child and i wouldnt prevent him from basic rights like that as i believe he will make a brilliant father regardless of us having our difficulties in our relationship that isnt the babies fault/problem and shoukdnt affect the baby.
Actually overwhelmed by the number of responses that suggest using my surname as i felt quite guilty by wanting a double barrel so definitely an eye opener that im not actually being selfish at all 😊

I would agree with everyone saying give baby your surname...I wish I had done this. My ex was adamant he wanted our DD to have his surname, so I agreed..he hasn't bothered his arse with her for a few years now.

I changed her name to mine in school and doctors etc. and it's what she's known as by everyone but it's not her legal name.

Double-barrelled surnames are a pia.

When your baby has kids what do they do? Go to quadruple-barrel?

"When your baby has kids what do they do? Go to quadruple-barrel?"

Have a guess.

I agree with your surname only but he should have his name on the birth certificate. The only time I think a man should not go on the birth certificate is if he is abusive or controlling.

You need to think to yourself why, after you have carried a baby for 9 months, given birth to it, been in all the pain and discomfort that entails both before and after the birth, taken the career hit to be the main carer (at least initially), and when you're apparently doing your level best to make a failing relationship work in the hope that you'll get married one day... Why you would ever think you are selfish or should feel guilty about wanting the baby to have your name?

Why do you think your wishes and feelings should automatically be given less importance, especially when all the work and effort so far has been yours?

And the answer to that is:

The Patriarchy.

It's not specific to you, OP, it's a messed up society.

In your individual circumstances, you need to go with the safe option here, which is your surname.

(and don't give up your job).

The quadruple-barrell comment is just idiotic.

you are being more than reasonable offering double barrel and if you explain that the alternative is just your name, he should see sense