Baby surname help!!!????!!!!

[Baby1wine0]

Hi im new to this so please bare with me! ... i am 23 weeks preganant with my first child - a baby boy 😊 ... i have decided i would like a double barrel surname of both mine and my boyfriends names. He is very VERY unhappy about this and i dont think his family are too pleased either. We have a rocky relationship to say the least but i am trying to make it work for the baby's sake. AIBU?? i used to think we'd eventually get married but now im not so sure -its my baby just as much as his and i want to feel connected by name as well as everyging else. When i take him to school etc i dont want to be picking up a child who doesnt even have my name?!?! My family are pressuring me to stick to my guns - they cant stand my boyfriend - if they had the choice the baby would have JUST my surname ... i just dont know what to do?!?

I agree with previous posters - give the baby your surname only.

His sister's argument about him being the only one who can pass down his surname is rubbish, as she can give her children that surname if she chooses to.

I disagree with denying him PR. He does still have rights to your child. And given the attitude of his family I would hazard that they would have no qualms pursuing it legally with the same end result.

DC1 has my surname.
I am SO glad I did this! Dad wasn't really in his life. He's in and out. DC1 is 15 now and although he really likes his dad, they see each other about 4 x a year. He just hasn't been involved in DC's every day life.

It'll all be hot, sweaty, and angsty in the short-term with your BF and his family but years down the road, today's anger won't matter later. It's worth getting it right now. Believe me.
I was given a lot of heat and hell by ex's family but I stuck to my guns. Hope you do too, OP!
Congratulations and good luck!

Oh don't deny him
PR! That's just getting low and dirty. He may be a lousy BF but be honest, is he a lousy person or a dangerous one? No, probably not.

DC1's dad is not brilliant but he's very kind and loving to DC1 when he's with him. I could have done with more support in the early years but hey, it is what it is.

Don't set yourself up for years of your child's life in court with your ex fighting for PR. Not worth it.

I don’t agree with not letting him have PR, but I do agree just your surname for now :) my dd as my partners surname, we are in a lovely relationship BUT even from this stand point it’s awkward for doctors appointment ‘so miss werther, that’s a joint appointment for yourself and little werther.... oh she’s not on our register?’... ‘no I’m werther she’s opal...’ silence.... ‘ah yes there she is!’ Every time! And also on the issue of ‘he’s their only son to pass down the family name... OKAY well maybe get your son to pull his finger out, step up as a partner, be a great dad regardless of surnames and marry the girl that’s having his baby and then legally you can all be one big happy name sharing family. I wish my dd had my maiden name ffs.

My children have a double barrelled name. Mine is double barrelled so they have the bit of mine I chose and their Dad's. We're all now NC with him and I'm regretting having his name in there at all. Had a lot of pressure from his family to just have his and they used to ignore my part of the name. I made it clear if they "forgot" my name I'd forget theirs. It worked xx

maybe get your son to pull his finger out, step up as a partner, be a great dad regardless of surnames and marry the girl that’s having his baby and then legally you can all be one big happy name sharing family. I wish my dd had my maiden name ffs.

Time for some facts:

• women don’t have to change their names on marriage (nor should it be assumed they will)
• men’s names do not hold more value than women’s - all are worthy of being passed on
• if you do want to share a name with a partner you can change it legally without needing to marry

I’m married to DD’s father. We don’t share a name (and never will). DD has her father’s surname and has mine as a middle name.

Definitely your surname, you may regret it otherwise. Think about the future, say for example you are going on holiday, you and your child have different surnames on your passports, expect to be asked questions to make sure you are the child’s mother etc. Personally, if I wasn’t married to the child’s father no way would I register the baby to have a different legal surname to me.

Just give him your surname. It's YOUR child!

And if he or his family complains, you can tell them that they obviously didn't like the double surname proposal, so the baby will have you name instead.

YOu aren't married; he can do nothing.

And any individual, male or female, can pass down a family name. His sister is talking bollocks.

You are perfectly entitled to give your child your name if that's what you want to do. Since his family appears to be bullying you on this matter, I would definitely dig in and give your child your name under the circumstances. Why give him your bullies' name?

I’d give your surname only and I’d have a very long think about putting dads name on the birth certificate.

A baby will not fix your problems as much as you would like it too. All the cracks will be smashed completely open and you need to think about what would happen if he had the legal ability to use your child against you. You would always have a connection and he would always have something to keep you close.

I would be long gone and prepping myself for life as a single mum. And I know it isn’t that simple but please don’t go into this with rose tinted glasses on because it will be your child that is hurt the most in the long run.

I think double barrelled is a good compromise if the two names sound ok together?

Your surname only. Don't budge on this.

(I budged and had to give mine my XP's name, under threat, and wish I hadn't).

What's wrong with double-barreling? Even if the relationship fails, he is still the father to the baby, surely? No harm in having both names, is there?

OP I definitely wouldn't use just his.

Just give him your* surname. It’s* YOUR child!

Erm, he’s his child too 🙄

I agree with PP’s that as you have doubts about the relationship it would be wise not to give him your partners surname only. Personally I think double barrelling is a good compromise - though if you have doubts about his commitment to being a father then I can see why you might consider your own surname only.

Ricky relationship = shit father?

Are we sure on this?

Rocky FFS

It may well be his child, too, but as the parents aren't married, OP's wishes will take precedence. And I wouldn't be catering to bullies, which his family appears to be.

OP can offer to have dad's name as a middle name if he wants his surname in there somewhere. That option has always been seen as 'good enough' for mums, so why not dads?

And why Justbooked would that mean she should rethink putting him on the bc? Disagreeing about a name or with the baby's mother is no reason to suggest denying someone parental rights. There is absolutely nothing in the OPs posts that imply he's going to be an unfit or abusive father.

Oh and I totally think OP should be able to double barrel, go with her name if she wants.

Crappy relationship doesn't mean crappy father. Refusing PR will just drag shit out in the long as he could go to court to be added; also then goes against OP because 'rocky relationship' doesn't count as a reasonable excuse for excluding dads

It's not about 'denying' him anything though is it? If the op finds herself a lp and wants to move away him having pr gives her great problems. If he is a douche bag now what are the months ahead going to bring?

As PPs have said, the tradition is actually that children are given the mothers name. Unmarried? Mothers name. Married? Usually mothers married name. Giving the child of unmarried parents the fathers name is a fairly recent thing.

I’m another who says just give baby your name. My DSis had my nephew young, father really pressured her to give baby his name. They broke up a few months later and it took years to convince him to let her double barrel his name as both parents have to agree any name change in that circumstance. If baby had just had her name she could change to anything without her permission.

Give baby your name, if you later marry and do take his name, you can very easily change the child’s name then.

Sorry, I don't know what LP or PR stand for here. How does double-barreling cause any problem?

JustBooked it is denying him. Denying him legal parental rights to his child. Which basically means using the child as an emotional weapon. What reason is there for not?? OP could still move away within the UK if he had PR.