What Mumsnet and Gransnet users told us about family disagreements over baby names

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

Some of you may remember filling in a survey for us a while back about baby names - and specifically, whether your parents or in-laws liked or disliked the names you chose for your children. Meanwhile, we were asking posters on Gransnet what they thought about the names their children had chosen for their grandchildren.

We released the results today, and we can reveal...

Nearly one-fifth of grandparents (19%) say they hate or have hated their grandchild’s name.
More than a third of parents (38%) say that when it comes to grandparents and choosing babies’ names, it’s none of their business. 31% of grandparents say the same;
Almost one in six (15%) parents say they have a parent or in-law who hates their baby’s name;
6% of parents have fallen out with their parents or in-laws about their choice of baby name. Of those, 4% said that the disagreement was so bad they have ended their relationship;
3% of parents say the grandparents’ first response to the name was laughter, and 10% say the grandparents said simply “What?”;
Names hated by grandparents include Charlotte, Aurora, Elijah, Finn, Jack, Lindsay, Noah, Sally and Tabitha.

The top reasons for grandparents’ objections, according to parents, are:
The name was too odd (28%)
Annoyance that the grandparents’ suggested name hadn’t been used (20%)
The name was too ‘made up’ or unconventional (15%)
The name was too old-fashioned (11%)
The belief that the name will embarrass the child (10%)
Annoyance that a family name hadn’t been used (10%)
The name reminds them of someone they dislike (10%)
The name is too plain or ugly (5%), too hard to pronounce (4%), or too difficult to spell (3%)

Grandmothers seem to have much stronger views that granddads. 44% of parents who reported objections said the complaints came from their own mother, and 42% said they came from their mother-in-law - as opposed to just 14% who said their own dad objected and a further 14% who said their father-in-law objected.

You can see more coverage of the results here, here and here.

Here are the Press team's favourite quotes from survey respondents:

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"They said 'Keith? Like your pal Big Keith?'. (DS's name is Heath.)"

"SURPRISE AS HIS MOTHER CALLED HIM DYLAN WHICH IS THE NAME OF OUR CAT"

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Have YOU deliberately called your child something ridiculous to annoy the wider family? Or been surprised by the response to what you thought was a perfectly lovely name? Tell us everything (or don't, obviously - the choice is yours)

Thanks
MNHQ

Morning all. We think there are some valid points here - but first of all, an explanation.

Every year, we survey our users about baby names, and we look at what's being discussed on site to inform the theme (last year it was on baby name regret; the previous year it was on the names parents love but weren't brave enough to use) . There are loads of threads on both MN and GN about this topic (eg "mother hates my baby name", or "grandchildren's names - help"), and some really interesting discussions about how grandparents respond on hearing their grandchildren's names, so that's what we explored this year.

The focus in this one is on disharmony and conflict - as we explained above, we chose this because the topic of intergenerational discord about names crops up regularly. Obviously several of you think it has come off as mean, which is not ideal and we will take that on board when we consider how to treat similar stories.

We surveyed over 2k Mumsnetters and Gransnetters, and of those who had had disputes about baby names, asked them to name the name, if willing. We got a long list of individual names (including Monkey, Karma) but we thought it best to give a flavour of some of the names by listing the most frequently mentioned. So the list of nine - Charlotte, Jack etc - are those frequently mentioned names. The numbers aren't huge - only handfuls of folk mentioned them - which is why we didn't position them as "The top ten most hated names".

We think the fact that the names aren't unusual is really interesting - it's not what the name means, it's what the name means to you (or your parents. Or your in-laws.)

Baby naming is a huge topic for Mumsnet (both literally in terms of the number of MNers and lurkers who use our topic, and in terms of how often we get asked by the media to comment on it). So if anyone has any thoughts about ways you'd like to see us approach the topic in future, please let us know.

Thanks (genuinely) for all your input, as ever

Thanks RowanMumsnet. I felt cross because I thought that Gransnetters had filled in a survey in good faith, only to be castigated in print for what they had said. Obviously nobody should upset their children with tactless remarks about baby names, but it felt from the reporting (and the reactions to that reporting) as if grandparents, who might have had very strong personal reasons for their reaction to a name, were being mocked for even holding that opinion, never mind sharing it.
I don't think there was anything particularly wrong with the original survey, but the articles seemed to be angled to promote inter-generational strife.
In our family we ask for opinions and disregard them if we don't agree. Seems to work. 😊

Baffled that anyone at all thought anyone but the parents had any say in the naming of their own baby. Really odd!
Also that families have fallen out over such a thing as a baby's name - must have been the straw that broke the camel's back in a generally fractious relationship, surely?