What Mumsnet and Gransnet users told us about family disagreements over baby names

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

Some of you may remember filling in a survey for us a while back about baby names - and specifically, whether your parents or in-laws liked or disliked the names you chose for your children. Meanwhile, we were asking posters on Gransnet what they thought about the names their children had chosen for their grandchildren.

We released the results today, and we can reveal...

Nearly one-fifth of grandparents (19%) say they hate or have hated their grandchild’s name.
More than a third of parents (38%) say that when it comes to grandparents and choosing babies’ names, it’s none of their business. 31% of grandparents say the same;
Almost one in six (15%) parents say they have a parent or in-law who hates their baby’s name;
6% of parents have fallen out with their parents or in-laws about their choice of baby name. Of those, 4% said that the disagreement was so bad they have ended their relationship;
3% of parents say the grandparents’ first response to the name was laughter, and 10% say the grandparents said simply “What?”;
Names hated by grandparents include Charlotte, Aurora, Elijah, Finn, Jack, Lindsay, Noah, Sally and Tabitha.

The top reasons for grandparents’ objections, according to parents, are:
The name was too odd (28%)
Annoyance that the grandparents’ suggested name hadn’t been used (20%)
The name was too ‘made up’ or unconventional (15%)
The name was too old-fashioned (11%)
The belief that the name will embarrass the child (10%)
Annoyance that a family name hadn’t been used (10%)
The name reminds them of someone they dislike (10%)
The name is too plain or ugly (5%), too hard to pronounce (4%), or too difficult to spell (3%)

Grandmothers seem to have much stronger views that granddads. 44% of parents who reported objections said the complaints came from their own mother, and 42% said they came from their mother-in-law - as opposed to just 14% who said their own dad objected and a further 14% who said their father-in-law objected.

You can see more coverage of the results here, here and here.

Here are the Press team's favourite quotes from survey respondents:

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"They said 'Keith? Like your pal Big Keith?'. (DS's name is Heath.)"

"SURPRISE AS HIS MOTHER CALLED HIM DYLAN WHICH IS THE NAME OF OUR CAT"

***

Have YOU deliberately called your child something ridiculous to annoy the wider family? Or been surprised by the response to what you thought was a perfectly lovely name? Tell us everything (or don't, obviously - the choice is yours)

Thanks
MNHQ

Yeah, actually Hades, it wasn't an autocorrect

Well what a thoroughly negative click bait project MNHQ.

Divisive, ageist and designed to thoroughly annoy... I can understand why the Daily Mail was foaming at the pants to report it.

EmilyAlice I filled out the survey - mainly to make it quite clear that I thought it absolutely NONE of my business what my DC named their babies (although I must admit that Hades might have strained my self-control a bit..!)
Names go in phases anyway - my DF's name was very popular 100 years ago but I never expected it to return, as it seemed SO old-fashioned... And yet now there are hundreds of small boys with the same name

This made me laugh. It just goes to show that whatever you do it will be wrong for some people. How on earth can Charlotte or Jack be hated names? They are about as ordinary and inoffensive as you can get!

Confused.
Thought the ^Hades* thread was a Zombie, but it turned out the name was for their dog, or maybe cat? I forget now, but got the idea it was a pet suggestion, not a baby.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for DGPs to hate a DGC's name, but it's VVU to express that opinion.

It was a bumped zombie but someone has popped up today claiming they've used it and taking offence at the horror

I don't think they've read the whole thread, or they could be on a windup.

I think the list of names most likely to be disliked by grandparents is misleading (I may be biased though as to me they all seem like perfectly lovely names incidentally and a couple of them I've considered myself!)

Logically though, I think a lot of grandparents are quite traditional and given their stated reasons for disliking names (too odd, child likely to get picked on, etc) the names they would take greatest offence at would be made-up sounding names, or names that are just nouns rather than actual names, that would be too obscure to crop up regularly in the poll. Like Tree, or Tron, or naming your child after a Greek god (hi Hades!). Or Balonz. 🙊

"I am hideously outspoken and they are used to me".

It's not the names which are the problem.

Wow Gransnet sound like a bunch of interfering twats. It is no ones business but the parents.

What was the sample size?

Our new grandson has two perfectly lovely names, the second of which is shared by both families. Dad was very insistent that there be no odd spellings; his own name looks like a typo. Anyway, it was made plain that we were to express no opinion but approval.

I'd like to know the overlap between
"It's none of my business"
and
"I hate my grandchild's name"
and then give out to those self-aware people.

The first reply seems to be from someone who does not understand the meaning of the word "universally".

So the disapproving relatives do realise that they named their own children, and that their relatives probably rolled their eyes at the time too, don't they?

Zuzu - I have a irrational dislike of the name Jack. I think it's all the ways the word Jack is used in everyday speech that put me off, e.g. Jack of all trades, Jack the Lad, jacked, etc.

Disclaimer: I know logically that Jack is a perfectly reasonable, run-of-the-mill name, and wouldn't dream of commenting negatively if introduced to a baby Jack!

Hey @trills the first reply was someone who was having a bad morning and chose the wrong word. Thanks for pulling me up on that though.

Some posters have articulated beautifully why this seemed an odd, divisive thing to do. I am very secure in liking the name I used for my child. Seeing it under discussion as a disliked name just made me feel a bit shit yesterday. I probably wouldn't have batted an eyelid on a different day.

The survey says that 19% of grandparents hated the chosen name. We are told that survey size was 2000 but not told how many of those were grandparents. Given the relative size of Mumsnet and Gransnet, I seriously doubt that it was anywhere near half.
So how many people actually "hated" the individual names on the list?
Without this information the whole thing is meaningless.
Pretty meaningless all round really.
Of course we who are now grandparents knew that some of our parents didn't like our name choices. I just don't remember anyone giving a toss.

DF's response to DD1's name was "Wouldn't it be better the other way round?" (Middle name, first name) It made me cry, as I was still full of birth hormones. 😢

What about Pegasus a while back? I think the consensus was, not unless you're pregnant with a foal! 😂

Where was Bolenz eh?

Of all the awful names out there, grandparents are hating

Jack
Noah
Finn
Charlotte???

Well given the popularity of these names, there must be a lot of disappointed grandparents out there!

In my opinion it doesn't matter what grandparents think as they've had their opportunity to name their children this is now your's.

Xeneth88, (and other PPs)

"It is no ones business but the parents."

I'm of the same opinion!

Sadly not a parent myself, but would definitely have opted for the keeping-the-baby's-name-entirely-to-ourselves-and-only-announcing-it-once-he/she-had-actually-arrived...

However, that's speaking from an Anglo-Scottish perspective: many other cultures and traditions regard naming babies as intrinsically a family group decision. Can imagine for those parents telling elders to keep their noses out is unthinkable (would be interesting to know more details about the 6% of respondents who fell out with family over a baby's name [especially the 4% of that amount, who'd actually ended their relationship entirely...though surely other issues coming into play there?]).

Re PPs calling out survey as mostly designed to provoke controversy, and being ageist:
TBH, you'd no doubt get the same type of...er... honest opinions and comments from (same-generation) siblings and their partners...possibly even more forthright.
No Auntsnet/Unclesnet though. And not the same level of investment in ideally wanting your sister's/brother's approval, or how it potentially affects a Niece's/Nephew's feelings knowing their name's disliked by Uncle Bob as opposed to beloved Grandpa, I suppose.

ABCFamily - that had never occurred to me. Food for thought. (Still have a soft spot for Jack, though!).