What Mumsnet and Gransnet users told us about family disagreements over baby names

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

Some of you may remember filling in a survey for us a while back about baby names - and specifically, whether your parents or in-laws liked or disliked the names you chose for your children. Meanwhile, we were asking posters on Gransnet what they thought about the names their children had chosen for their grandchildren.

We released the results today, and we can reveal...

Nearly one-fifth of grandparents (19%) say they hate or have hated their grandchild’s name.
More than a third of parents (38%) say that when it comes to grandparents and choosing babies’ names, it’s none of their business. 31% of grandparents say the same;
Almost one in six (15%) parents say they have a parent or in-law who hates their baby’s name;
6% of parents have fallen out with their parents or in-laws about their choice of baby name. Of those, 4% said that the disagreement was so bad they have ended their relationship;
3% of parents say the grandparents’ first response to the name was laughter, and 10% say the grandparents said simply “What?”;
Names hated by grandparents include Charlotte, Aurora, Elijah, Finn, Jack, Lindsay, Noah, Sally and Tabitha.

The top reasons for grandparents’ objections, according to parents, are:
The name was too odd (28%)
Annoyance that the grandparents’ suggested name hadn’t been used (20%)
The name was too ‘made up’ or unconventional (15%)
The name was too old-fashioned (11%)
The belief that the name will embarrass the child (10%)
Annoyance that a family name hadn’t been used (10%)
The name reminds them of someone they dislike (10%)
The name is too plain or ugly (5%), too hard to pronounce (4%), or too difficult to spell (3%)

Grandmothers seem to have much stronger views that granddads. 44% of parents who reported objections said the complaints came from their own mother, and 42% said they came from their mother-in-law - as opposed to just 14% who said their own dad objected and a further 14% who said their father-in-law objected.

You can see more coverage of the results here, here and here.

Here are the Press team's favourite quotes from survey respondents:

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"They said 'Keith? Like your pal Big Keith?'. (DS's name is Heath.)"

"SURPRISE AS HIS MOTHER CALLED HIM DYLAN WHICH IS THE NAME OF OUR CAT"

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Have YOU deliberately called your child something ridiculous to annoy the wider family? Or been surprised by the response to what you thought was a perfectly lovely name? Tell us everything (or don't, obviously - the choice is yours)

Thanks
MNHQ

Oh it's been great waking up to all the coverage this morning that my child's name is universally hated by grandparents. Thanks for that mumsnet. Really fulfilling that supporting parents remit there

Tim? Has YOUR child's name been mentioned?

Oh dear - sorry Tim. If it's any consolation, JaneMNHQ's daughter has one of the names on the list too, and she (Jane) is spending the day doing interviews about the story without ever being able to say 'that's my daughter's name and it's AMAZING'

Those names all seem very inoffensive. And one of them is on my list for DD3.

When the report gives the list of "most disliked baby names" does it refer to the number of grandparents that disliked it or the extent of one grandparent's dislike? What are the actual numbers?

I'm surprised that only 31% thought it was none of their business because really, it's none of their business!

And all the names reported are fine!

I was more surprised that only 38% of parents thought it was none of their business, I would expect it to be higher than that. Of course all the names are fine, but if only one grandparent disliked the name Bertha (for example), what on earth does that prove?

It isn't the business of grandparents to comment on a grandchild's name and I say that as a grandparent. I wouldn't have dreamt of saying anything.

I agree and I wouldn't have said anything either, though I like my grandchildren's names anyway. I do remember my parents and in-laws saying they didn't like the names we had chosen and it didn't bother me in the slightest. And when my DD was born the midwife asked her name and said "bloody hell". 😀
I don't understand why people are upset to find their child's name on the list though. Why would it matter what a few people you don't know think?

Our chosen name is in the list & my MIL did simply say "what". Have to admit I cackled loudly when I read both of those bits, I thought our name was quite out there but clearly we're just a cliche

Terrible reporting though. "Names likely to be hated by grandparents". FFS.

I thought the list was excellent for showing how unreasonable the dislikes are. Those names are of course fine, and could be substituted for pretty much any name I think. Clearly the opinions are entirely random and therefore can be ignored!

Telegraph feature, the 2nd link, must admit my jaw hit the floor at:

"To Su McArthur, a grandmother-of-five from Wokingham in Berkshire, none of the above are as repugnant as the names of her own grandchildren."

...[then some individual insults for 3 of her Grandchildren's names, whilst 2 are deemed worthy of her approval]...

“I don’t think my children mind,” says McArthur, a retired teacher. “I am hideously outspoken and they are used to me. But I try not to be contentious" (my bolding)

Really? Crikey, would hate to hear what trying to be contentious sounds like, then. What with the identifying details and all...
Your family's feelings must be made of strong stuff indeed.

Very interesting survey results, MNHQ, and some very contradictory reasons for disliking names! Sometimes, when choosing names, parents just can't win...

If people are worried about the reaction from grandparents, they will consult with them. Personally I don't think it is anything to do with my children's grandparents and therefore we didn't consult with them. I wouldn't see it as my role to get involved in the naming of someone else's child.

Charlotte, Aurora, Elijah, Finn, Jack, Lindsay, Noah, Sally and Tabitha.

that list just proves that it isn't actually the name that causes the dislike is it?
Most of those names are really very nice, well used, ordinary names. Nothing offensive there. (weel, I did say most...)

Which goes to show that it isn't the name itself. It is personal to the grandparents concerned.
Or it is generational, no-one would have used those names 30 years ago so they feel odd to the grandparents.

I am still waiting to hear just how many people didn't like those names in the "survey".
Plenty of Jacks, Charlottes, Sallys, Lindsay / Lindseys around thirty years ago I would think.
Is there a report on it on Gransnet?

Oh that telegraph link is funny, one of the names she really objects to is George! You can't get more traditional and classic than that and her objections are odd.

On the other hand Tilly, she loves as a classic name. Now I like Tilly, but I wouldn't have thought it was classic. She is odd.

My MIL's sister has two gorgeous grandchildren. They have slightly unusual, but not made-up, names. The fuss from these two old witches when the names were announced was incredible. "Teachers will hate the parents and give the children nicknames", "No one can spell or pronounce them and the children will be miserable" etc etc.

Children now 3 and 5, have been at school/nursery, are universally liked, and still have their names. My MIL calls the girl by her name but the boy is always referred to as "the boy".

I won't tell you the names as it's a bit out-ing but they're similar in essence to Rowena and Francesco. Easy to shorten, fairly obvious pronounciation and spelling, and the child's sex is obvious. unlike the two children called Eden at my child's school, one male and one female!

So, results that emphasis disagreement, disrespect and make the grandparental generation out to be weird, unkind and picky. I can't help thinking that this doesn't seem supportive, fair or helpful towards either MN or GN users. What it does seem like is a pretty cynical attempt to create a nicely controversial set of findings for the media to salivate over and write negatively about. Well done Mumsnet. I guess this was exactly what the site was created for, right?

I can't believe how normal the names on the list are considering someone on baby names was getting het up earlier as they thought Hades were a perfectly good name

My MIL hated my DD1 name at first and would call her by her middle name, even changed that to put a ie on the end! Soon stopped when my DH actually stood up for us and said her name is xxxxx. Don't think they were impressed with DS name either until she realised she had a distant relative with the same name. And I am betting that she will not like DD2 name when she is born in the next couple of weeks!! Not that I care about anybodies opinions on my DC names and certainly not the MIL!!

I agree ButteryMuffin. I didn't do the survey but I suspect people from Gransnet who took part will not have expected this.
Feels like ageism to me. 😨

For the life of me, I can't see on what grounds anyone could object to "Jack" (other than it being very popular and well-used, perhaps?).

I'd have thought it was the very least likely name to provoke a strongly negative response. Pretty much goes with anything, single syllable, straightforward spelling and pronunciation, and plenty of both "traditional/ safer" and "unconventional/ wilder" Jacks in the public eye to appeal broadly across the board.

Maybe any antipathy must come down to bad personal associations with individuals named Jack.

Flavia,

Hades?