Upset by MILs response

[accidentalgrownup]

So with DC1 we didn't tell anyone our name thoughts as we didn't want their opinion.

Unfortunately we've just been to MILs & DC1 let slip my favourite name for DC2 - Sebastian. Que her saying 'you can't call him THAT... people at school will nickname him bastard'

Erm... no, no they won't, fuming!!! Now she's put DH off no doubt. Can't believe she said it in front of DC either. She's not my favourite person at the best of times but today it's really riled me tbh.

Just wanted to rant!!!! Arrgghhh!!!!

I love this name
It's none of mils business

The Sebastian's I've come across have all been Seb or Sebby for short.

I'm not getting the bastard thing. Sebastian and bastard sound nothing alike.

Sebastian is a lovely name.
FWIW when we told pil our name choice mil said "that's a stripper's name" and fil stated he would just call DD "the baby" as he hated the name. In-laws are weird. Ignore them and go for what you want.

When my now exmil told me she wouldn't be using the name we had given ds I told her OK fine she didn't need to see him then.
She stfu then. .

I taught a Sebastian that was nicknamed sea bass.

Like your response Mrs Cropley, I named my daughter after the MIL mine hated, just happened to be my favourite name, so unlucky!

I have a Sebastian and his name gets shortened to Seb or even Sebaroo!

Never would have connected it to 'bastard'

Where the hell does bastard come from with Sebastian?? Am I missing something? Also, what in the fuck is she thinking saying that about the child her SON'S WIFE is carrying?! What a wretched cow. I wouldn't be making any more visits to her, I can assure you.

"I named my daughter after the MIL mine hated, just happened to be my favourite name, so unlucky!"

Blimey. That's a pretty mean thing to do.......

I've never heard of that nickname for Sebastian. What a horrible thing to say.

Tbh I think you should chill a bit. She gsve her opinion, which isn't against the law and you are free to ignore it.

Silly thing to say, hope DH isn't put off it.

Sebastian is a fabulous name, she was bang out of order, at a later date, your Husband should pull her up on it.😡

And say what exactly sugar? That she can't say what she thinks? If my ds told me not to criticise a potential name choice I'd laugh and tell him to get a bloody grip.
She is allowed to have her own opinions and air them.
I'd save the 'fuming' for the stuff that really matters.

Her mind must be very odd to make a link between Sebastian and bastard. Most peculiar. I've known a few Sebastians and no one has ever come up with this word as a response. It's a great name. Ignore Mil , suspect she may be rather simple or just a bit thick?

I don't understand the connection between Sebastian and bastard (is it a character in a play or something?)

Absolutely love the name btw don't let her put you off

@ Avoiding Callenetics, and say, fair enough, you don't like the name Sebastian, but to say, people at school will call him " Bastard", in front of our child, is bang out of order !
But hey, if that's okay with you ....

I don't get where she makes the connection between Sebastian and bastard but honestly, I don't think what she said was that big a deal. The child won't spontaneously combust because he heard the word 'bastard'.

It was a connection my dad made as well- I have no idea why. But he did.Googling hasn't helped. Very odd. But he would have been worried about one of his children using the name as well. Did you ask her why she made this wierd connection?

I disn't ask my dad because for me the name is inextricably linked with "Belle, Sebastian and the horses" because I am very old.

@BertandRussell, loved that programme !😄

She sounds like a dick- ignore her it's a lovely name!!

I'd try my best to ignore her insensitive comments, at the end of the day she's had her opportunity to name her children this is yours.

I've known a Sebastian nickname Bastian. Never occurred to any of us to change it to bastard, they are quite different sounding words to my ears.

Regardless, you can raise an issue with a name sensitively, or you can do the whole 'shock horror' face at the table and swear in front of a child. The first will probably get a gracious 'thank you and something to think about' the second will get anger and the person will probably dismiss your objection out of hand.

If she actually cared about her potential grandson having issues with the name she'd have gone with the first route. The behaviour OP describes is more than of stamping feet and wanting her own opinion for the sake of it.

I think she probably just reacted instinctively in making a connection to the name that most if us have never heard of and didn't think about your child being there. She didn't let out a string of expletives - she said one word, which doesn't have a nice meaning but isn't in 'fucking cunt' territory!
I don't think you can reasonably expect her to mentally censor every word before she speaks or to not be honest about her opinions. If you expect her to do this you will have a very stilted relationship and it's a relationship that will last a long time. Better for you both if she feels free to be herself and you accept that, while retaining the right to parent as you see fit (which includes ignoring her opinions if you disagree).
I'm not a mil but I did have a tricky relationship at times with my ILs. Looking back, I think there are things I would have handled differently. Pick your battles. Her opinion on the name doesn't affect your ability or right to choose it anyway. Save the fuming for if she refuses to use his name or undermines your parenting later on.