Middle name honouring dead mother - DH does not agree...

[oeufdepaques]

Baby due in a week and we still haven't sorted out a first name but will most likely be a French name as my DH is French and we live in a French speaking country. However I told DH that if the baby is a girl I would like her middle name to be my mother's (very English!) name. My mother died not so long ago and I want my child to have her name to honour her memory.

DH said absolutely no way unless his mother's name is there too. Now i like mil and we have a great relationship but she is very much alive and gets to spend so much time with our dc. My mum will never meet them; they will have no memories of her and I just wanted this baby to have something special to remember her maternal gm by. Putting mil's name there too just makes it all feel less special if that's clear. Not mention it becoming a bloody long name.

Fwiw I don't have DH's name so the dc already share their surname with mil but not my family. And DH and his siblings have no middle names so it's not like they're important to mil and their family.

I may be being selfish and probably overly emotional but I just feel let down by DH - I have no mum and I just wanted to honour her memory in a special way but he said it's either both names or nothing.

Wow your oh is being horrible

I agree - speak directly to your mil - say how sad you are that your mum won't be here to meet her but at least you have her then explain about the name. Then tell your oh that your mil was happy with just your mums dad. Promise your mil the next girl!

I'd have told him I'd rather swap the middle name for the chance for my mum to meet the baby, but as life isn't "fair" I don't have that option.

Is he normally this fucking obtuse? He's being very, very unfair, especially with the agreement re. the potential boy-middle name.

Tell him that if he does not wish to use your mums name then the baby will have your surname. He is being a real arse.

Yes, give him the choice of your mum's name as first name or middle name. Or as middle name or else baby gets your surname. Don't see why he gets it all his way and you don't get any of yours.

I don't quite see why your new DD can't have both grandmothers names?
MIL may be around now,but presumably not forever....
Long names are not such an issue imo,speaking as someone with 2 middle names,a long first name,and long original surname -31 letters in all.
It might be nice for your DD as an adult to know her name commemorates both her grandmothers.

I can't imagine becoming a mil and being in any way bothered if my child and their significant other wanted to name their dc after a deceased relative, especially not a mother.

I think the easiest and kindest thing is to use both names. Two middle names isn't an issue.

Curious - you say he wants to use his grandfather's name to honour his gf should you have /have had a boy, was he expecting that child to also have a middle name from your dad or gf or was he expecting to just have his choice of middle name?

Oh more replies. Thanks.

DH said I could use his gf's name and my dad's. But I'm not petty and intent on making things supposedly 'fair'. My dad is around and I would see no need to include his name to remember him.

Maybe this is all about me! But I will have no memories of my mum with my dc. It would be nice to have her name and just her name as a way of remembering her.

I'm sure we will sort it. Maybe a suggestion of my surname will shock DH into agreement!