Husband wants baby (if boy!) to have his name

[ELW2006]

Hi everyone,

I have a little (potential) dilemma.

My husband and I have been married for ten years and after ttc all this time we have finally been blessed and I am just over 12 weeks pregnant.

We are both absolutely delighted, albeit still very cautious as our scan isn't until Monday (although did have early scan at 7 Weeks and seen heartbeat) but I just can't get the niggling issue of boys names out of my head.

My husband wants to name it after him and whilst I don't dislike his name particularly I really don't like the thought of our (possible) son having the same name.

My husband is a wonderful man and usually when we don't agree on something we will find some common ground to settle it but on the subject of boys names he will not budge at all!!! He reminds me that he has always said he has wanted to call a boy the same name and the conversation basically ends there. My husband was named after his dad but I feel that's more of a tribute than a tradition as it's just been passed down once.

We are going to have a gender scan at 16 Weeks so this may not even be an issue however how would you go about trying to get your husband to at least open himself up to considering different names if needed?

xXx

It's naff and your husband sounds arrogant and unpleasant.

Would the child be taking his surname? If so, point out that he'll already have his name! Because patriarchy. That's plenty, surely.

It doesn't give your child there own identity ,and clouds them in there namesakes reputation (good and bad) it's also so common in USA (another reason in my opinion not to dose) plus always thought its a severe lack of imagination to do so.however you are the only one that legally can choose luckily hey.

Do so not dose

My BIL always got called wee Jim, even as a grown man, just because he was named after his dad.

Noel surname III has a certain ring about it

It's not the worst name OP, the suggestion of Leon is better.
How about Noel and Joel 😂😂😂

There is nothing worse than a poor child being forced to have the same (usually very dull) name of his dad and become a junior. Completely trashy and egoistical. Stand your ground OP.

Your son deserves his own name.

Agree - but only on the condition he has your surname instead.

I dislike the practice of naming boys after their fathers immensely. So does my dh so it's not something we would ever have done. There's an element of narcissism about it that makes me shudder. A new baby is a whole new person and deserves a whole new name, not being a tribute to daddy.

Tell your dh to stop being an overbearing self-promoting idiot and pull his head out of his own arse. You don't want it so it's not happening. End of story.

Maybe suggest to him that having two people in the house with the same name isn't that practical. Come on Noel, we're running late! Who, me? And in the future letters will arrive for Mr N. Smith and you won't necessarily know who it is for.
I like the name Noel, but if the father is named that, maybe as a middle name? (I was named after my mother and am called by my middle name, I promised myself I wouldn't do that to my children!)

I am going to go out on a limb and say - there is nothing wrong with Noel or being named after his Dad. It is a nice name actually. Being named after your dad is far more common in other countries.

If your DH won't budge - then use it as his official name, and then pick a middle name you like and call him by his middle name in practice.

Or pick Noel hyphenated with another name - i.e., Noel-John, Noel-Blake etc. so there won't be mixups with letters/correspondences when he is older.

Sharing the name with someone defeats the main purpose of actually having a name, to identify!

My father and several ex boyfriends of mine were named after their fathers. Every one of them goes by their middle name. Can you pick a middle name you like and then use that for the baby? I know it's bonkers but it's a way to let him "win" but ultimately give your son his own name rather than his father's.

Agree that it's very naff, and I always think of Denise in the Royle Family telling Jim and Barbara that "If it's a boy, Dave wants to call it Dave." To which Jim replies,
"But you're already called Dave. Get a bloody grip of yourself."

I would be having none of this. As others have said naming a child has to involve both parents agreeing.

Why not just tell him no, you don't want him to have the same name.
I'm quite sure he wouldn't accept a name he didn't want .
There are lots of problems having the same as someone at the same address.
You will look ridiculous if you call him Noel but always refer to him by a different name, he will forever have to explain why he is known as X when his real name is Noel.

My DS1 would have been the 4th with the name.. had I not put my foot down and said that a) it was a boring name, and b) having 2 with the same name caused enough issues with banks and confusion (unbelievably.. we once all had to troop down to a bank to get an account closed, because they had got a joint account so wrong, that it didn't match his, his dads, or MIL's name properly every place they held it, and they were deciding to be officious about it).

Now luckily, DP didn't mind, and we did use it as a middle name, and the PIL were either chill about it, or polite enough to never mention it.

In your case, I think you need to point out that vetos are fine, but insisting on a name really isn't cricket - especially since you grew the baby, you definitely get a say.

Yeah I see it is a really narcissistic thing to do too. Plus I would want inout in my childs name no matter their gender. That would make me really cross

When I was young, we had a neighbour called Noel ("Big Noel") whose DS was "Little Noel", even when he was 6' tall and towered over his DF.

A close friend is Sam not his real name). They have Sam junior known as Sammy. His wife is Charlene and they have a Charlotte. I think it's bizarre.

Pregnancy is bloody hard work and labour is no picnic. When your husband goes through that tell him he can name the child Noel. Until then, it can be a middle name.

My MIL and FIL named their eldest children after themselves only SIL got MIL name reversed. She has the joy of being called Senga.

Well obviously in a minority here but my DS has the same name as his Dad. Who in turn has the same name as HIS Dad! It's a very Irish name so a nice link for our English born son to his Dads heritage.
Once we found out we were having a boy we happened to start referring to him as 'Baby DHs name' and by the time he was born we couldn't imagine him being called anything else!

I know a family where the eldest boys are always called Ian middle name surname on the BC, but known by their middle names. It seems to work ok. They had an Ian Jack, known as Jack.

Fwiw I would be thoroughly pissed off of my DH did this to me though. It's not his decision to make. It should be a joint decision, a name you both agree on and preferably one you both love.