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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Baby names

Baby name regret

78 replies

MrsR5P · 07/10/2016 22:13

My son was born in May and my husband and I decided to call him Harry as we couldn't decide on a name. I wanted to call him trystan and my husband wanted to call him Harald. I compromised and said I was happy with Harry. My husband said he didn't like it as it reminded him of Harry Potter but settled on it as we couldn't agree on anything else. We registered him as Harry but my husband doesn't seem to be getting on with the name and still makes digs about how he doesnt like it. I also didn't want to use a popular name but felt I had no choice as we just weren't getting anywhere! I feel like I can't continue calling him Harry as I know that my husband doesn't like it. I have tried talking to him about it but it always ends in an argument as he won't drop the name Harald (which I really don't like). Any suggestions on how I tackle this? Name suggestions would be greatly appreciated too!

OP posts:

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MrsR5P · 07/10/2016 23:39

Thank you all for your comments :) I think I am overthinking things majorly. It's become a bit of an obsession because it keeps getting brought up. I just wish hubby liked the name as much as I do. I can deal with the popularity but not with the fact he doesn't like it!

OP posts:

katemess12 · 07/10/2016 23:42

The fact that he doesn't like it is his problem though, OP.

He agreed to it, and it has been your son's name for 5+ months now. If he still has an issue, tell him you're no longer hearing about it, and that his name is Harry, end of story.

Tell your husband that if he likes Harald so much, he should change his own name to Harald.

Caipira · 07/10/2016 23:47

Can't your husband just use Harald as a nickname? If he likes it so much he can call him that. His name is Harry and you and the rest of the world can call him Harry.

Fyoosha · 07/10/2016 23:47

KateMess
I'm sorry but whenever I see the name Harald (which is not often) I just hear my old primary school teacher telling us about the Bayeux Tapestry and the way she pronounced it - with a rolling Italian R and reaaaally emphasising the second "a" to distinguish it from Harold. Surely your hub wouldn't be saying it like that?! Wouldn't it end up sounding just like Harold?

MrsR5P · 07/10/2016 23:50

Yeah it would be the same pronunciation as Harold, he just wanted to use the Scandinavian spelling. Hubby doesn't have a middle name so may suggest he uses Harald!

OP posts:

katemess12 · 07/10/2016 23:52

Hahaha Fyoosha, I can picture it now.

My DH is Norwegian, and their king is Harald, so it's a very normal name to him, but just no. To me, it's always going to be Harold from Neighbours.

He brought up some real shockers when we were trying to choose a name. The best was probably Hampus prn. Hum-puss.

Biscuitsneeded · 07/10/2016 23:54

These threats about regrets over name choices seem to pop up regularly. I always wonder what is really going on. You reached agreement on a name (a perfectly nice one, as it happens) and now one or both of you regrets it. It always seems that the poster is projecting some unhappiness from another source onto the choice of name, and thinks that by changing the name everything will be resolved. A name is only a collection of letters. The person your DS becomes is so much more important than the collection of letters that identify him. But your husband constantly complaining about the name must be very draining. Is it really that you wish you had named your DS differently, or that you are fed up with your husband's continued sulking over the name compromise ? Is it the name or your husband that is really the problem? I wouldn't change the name of a 5 month old. My DS 2 has a name that was a compromise. We couldn't agree and the name we went for was acceptable to both of us. It doesn't change how I feel about my DS, (even if I would still prefer it if he was called Arthur!) and I think you should tell your DH to get over it and move on.

Fyoosha · 07/10/2016 23:58

PMSL at Hampus. Would love to know what you settled on.

I have to be honest and say sometimes I get twinges of doubts about DS's name (very rare, from a culture unrelated to ours) and I wonder if we made the right decision. But I love it, and it's too damn late now, and anyhow, it suits him, I can't imagine him being called anything else. If he wants to change it when he's older I won't be offended.

MrsR5P · 07/10/2016 23:58

Biscuitsneeded

I think you have really hit the nail on the head there! He has said some very hurtful things and did not use Harry's name at one point! I hoped it was heat of the moment and it would pass. Whilst it isn't as bad anymore, he still makes digs and because I already have a bad taste in my mouth about it, my sadness about the topic is amplified. I think I just need to stop thinking about it and ignore his comments. I'm sure he will give up eventually?

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Donatellalymanmoss · 08/10/2016 00:04

It sounds like it's your husband's attitude causing issues rather than the name. I would have a very blunt conversation with him about how upsetting you find this.

Is he like this about other things when he doesn't get his way?

dirtywindows · 08/10/2016 00:10

Doesn't Harry have a middle name that DH could use?

Floralnomad · 08/10/2016 00:11

I think Harry is lovely , infinitely better than Harald or Harold , but if you want to compromise how about Harley , not as nice as Harry but might shut your DH up .

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/10/2016 08:29

OP, firstly, Harry is a lovely name, Harald not so much.
Sorry to be blunt, but your DH, is behaving like a petulant child.
He made the decision to name your Son, with you, do not change it.
I truly believe he has bigger issues. Tell him to have more respect for his Son. If you give in to him now, what else will he start trying to control ...

mumgointhroughtorture · 09/10/2016 01:40

As your child gets older sometimes names suit them better. Its almost like they grow into their names. My Grandad was called Harry and its a strong , great name and one that will carry on. Oakley I feel will date quite quickly. Maybe you could agree a nn or call him Harald ... hes your child and you can call him what you like at home .

gunsandbanjos · 09/10/2016 20:55

Calling your child Oakley is like calling them Rayban! It's a brand name and just about ok if you were planning on naming a dog.

septembersunshine · 09/10/2016 22:24

I think Harry is a fine name. The problem here is your dh attitude. He agreed to it after all. Can he call him by his middle name? Or a variety of Harry as a nickname. There must be a way to get around this without changing his name to Oakley. That's a bad name right there! Harry rocks...oakley is a tree and a brand of sunglasses.

bolognaadvice · 22/10/2016 18:48

What did you do OP? How are you doing?

MrsR5P · 25/10/2016 09:16

I have approached him about it and he keeps saying we will discuss it but the discussion never happens! I need to just force the conversation and get it done but I can't stand the arguing. I'm fairly confident we will be changing it as the name has just been tainted for me now :(

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rainbowstardrops · 25/10/2016 09:24

Can you even change a baby's name five months on???!!!!
I'm sure you can by deedpole but really???
Do you just tell people you've changed your mind and DS is now to be called xxxxx?
Can't your DH think of an endearing nickname and just call him that?
Weird.

Loafingaround · 25/10/2016 09:49

Firstly, Harry is a fab name. Secondly, your husband sounds grumpy and immature and seriously needs to get over it. Next time he makes a dig- ask to speak to him. sit him down and be pretty stern- and say you have a gorgeous baby boy you both love dearly. That is the most important thing, his name is secondary and your DH will get used to it but only if he just blocks out negative thoughts, doesn't dwell on the name but on his son, and certainly doesn't voice his thoughts either. It will pass but he needs to get over it.

Coconutty · 25/10/2016 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coconutty · 25/10/2016 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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MrsR5P · 25/10/2016 10:18

He says that he can deal with calling him Harry if his actual name is Harald? Makes no sense to me to be honest! No he's not Scandinavian- actually his family originates from Wales! I've checked it out and it's very easy to amend the birth certificate up until the age of 1 but it will be a task and a half explaining to everyone that it's changed. Although all our family and friends know about our disagreement on the name!

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rainbowstardrops · 25/10/2016 10:31

If he's ok with him being called Harry but is just stuck on wanting his actual name to be Harald then I think I'd just let him sulk away personally.

ample · 26/10/2016 09:44

So people know of Harry Potter. In the 70's and 80's the name could have been associated with Dirty Harry!

Harry is such a traditional firm classic now, the name isn't associated with one particular Harry.

Oakley?? step away from the sherry cabinet.
I prefer Harold over Oakley.

Harry is a classic.

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