Surnames- husbands or my surname?

[DuckWaddle]

I didn't take my husbands surname when we married and didn't double barrel it as they sounded ridiculous together!!
Our first dd has taken my husbands surname and I assumed I'd do the same for our second (currently pregnant) but I would like one child to share my name. I'm also uncomfortable with the convention that the man's name should always be used.
Just wondering what others have done if they have different names?

People will make all kinds of assumptions. The children can correct them if they want. "Sis has my dad's name, I've got my mum's" is pretty straightforward!

Let your second child have your surname. The fact that children should have the father's surname is dumb. Or merge your names into a new surname.

Why not, no issue really apart from being unusual. Mine and DPs names sounds ridiculous together too and we just went with what sounds the nicest (DPs surname).

People would probably assume different fathers but if that doesn't bother you, go for it.

"we just went with what sounds the nicest (DPs surname)."

Funny how it always happens like that, isn't it? It's almost as if there are special women's last names.................

I think it would be quite strange for siblings to have different surnames. I don't know why I feel that way, but I do.

I feel like that too. I think it would cause unnecessary aggro for the kids. Me and my sister having different surnames as a child would have been weird and I wouldn't have liked it.

i find it funny how mn replies on this topic always say 'double barrel them' even when, as here, the op says the names won't work double-barrelled into a single name. then later posters say 'i bet they sound fine'. How ridiculous (and patronising)! why not trust the op to know?

I have a similiar situation to Duck because my dh's surname is comical in itself and utterly silly if double-barrelled with mine, but he's (to my mind) weirdly proud of it and wants to use it for our kid.

We're thinking about having both names, unhyphenated, as the surname and only using one day-to-day (which one tbc ... thereby prolonging the argument...) Do others have experience of doing this?

'How ridiculous (and patronising)! why not trust the op to know?'

Because often people tell themselves that the two names double barrelled sounds ridiculous when actually they don't, just as people often say that their husband's surname is so much nicer than their own. I'm not saying this is the case with the OP but it does happen.

No, I genuinely preferred it . In my case it had nothing to do with tradition.

Re: the wrath of the inlaws. Yes, this is something you may have to deal with. MIL passive aggressively refuses to even acknowledge DD's surname so all birthday cards etc come addressed to 'Miss first name' and the surname pointedly left off. It makes me inwardly seethe every time we receive one.

Personally I wouldn't - I'd ensure the kids all had the same surname as it will be easier at school etc and they may find it odd themselves ("that's my sister", "but you have a different name" etc) as they will have to explain it. So they may not thank you for it when they're older. That said, I've never been "fussed" about the name thing and am firmly of the belief that you either have your father's name or your FIL's, so I was very happy to be "Mrs DH". So - I should caveat my post by saying that I'm coming at it from a certain angle which you may not agree with, I suppose.

"about the name thing and am firmly of the belief that you either have your father's name or your FIL's, so I was very happy to be "Mrs DH"

But men's names are their father's names too!

I know! I suppose that's why I've never seen it as "mine" on the way that some people seem to - and I don't see it as some great feminist let down to be "Mrs DH". Actually - it feels more like I'm living by my own choice, if that makes sense. But each to her own. I also had a god awful maiden name that nobody could spell, so was delighted to be "Mrs Ordinary", so that's all in the mix too!

Eh?

Given the divorce rate, the step and half sibling set ups, the unmarried couples having kids and the fact that actually young children at school are unlikely to know the surnames of children they aren't in a class or year group with, why do people think it will be so hard for classmates to understand?!

....but they aren't step/half siblings and people will assume that they are. I wouldn't like that - as the child or the parent - as it can mean a lot of explanation that would get one nerves. A former colleague did this (son had his name , daughter his wife's) and he found it tiresome with the school. But - as I say - each to their own!

"also had a god awful maiden name that nobody could spell"

Bingo!
Sorry

So that's, what, one explanation a year, which is a few words long? "DD has my husband's name and DS has mine"

Some of the comments on this thread seem to be coming from an era that thinks two kids having different fathers is shameful and OP wouldn't want there to be a mistake in that way.

'am firmly of the belief that you either have your father's name or your FIL's,'

It's been at least two weeks since I've seen that line trotted out on MN.

And the only way people stop making assumptions is if others go against the "norm". DH and I have different names - now, it'd be odd for someone to conclude we couldn't possibly be married because of that, but once that would've been an immediate assumption. It changed because some women went against the grain.

, Squoosh, it's a more interesting variant on "it's your father's or your DH's name"!

Slightly different scenario but my mum and dad divorced and my mum remarried, she and the two children born after that marriage had her married surname , my sister and I kept our fathers surname.

It didn't really cause a problem but I was always conscious that I was different. Even to the point of feeling outside the family group .

Teachers at parents evenings always used Mrs ( my surname) and she always made a fuss . Kids don't like to be different.

I see no reason to do anything other than have a single family surname.

Traditionally children have their mother's surname, it is just that women usually changed their names upon marriage. I dislike DH's surname and had never intended to change mine upon marriage anyway as it's my name, so DC's have both of our names. They might not go together overly well but we are joint and equal parents, so our children's name reflects that.

Plaintalkin

In this family, the mum and son would share a name, as would the dad and daughter.

A single surname is not an option, unless they decide on a "merged" one.

And I doubt teachers would do that now, as there is much more awareness of blended families eyc.

I'm a teacher and all sorts of siblings have different surnames. Some are steps/halves but some are full siblings given different names for various reasons. It's really not an issue. Children in school much prefer not to be endlessly linked with their siblings anyway. It would be a cold day in hell before my dc didn't have my name. We double barrelled but if that doesn't work for you then giving dc2 your surname makes perfect sense op.

One of my ex friends decided she liked this guy's surname. She flirted with him jumped into bed, just to have a baby to him so as to put him in 'Mr wonderful surnames' name.
You couldn't make it up.
#weirdfuckingo.