Ex wants daughter to have an African name

[Jade7392]

Me and my ex are very much separated but trying to remain civil for babies sake and still talking and planning that side of things. I'm 30 weeks with a girl.

Originally I liked the names Lily, Emily and Rosie he liked the names Naveah and Paris neither I was keen on. He said that he didn't want an all English sounding name like Emily and lily for the baby. In the end we agreed on Nalah which is an Arabic variation on the African Nala.

I wanted her middle name to be Elizabeth after my great nan but he doesn't like it and wants her to have his mums name as her middle name which is Atinuke. He is Nigerian. He also wants her to have his second name which is a very African sounding one.

So her name will sound very different and African which will contrast my other children's name which are Austin and Liam Brown.

Am I being unreasonable or harsh if I tell him I don't want her to have that middle name?

[Blu]

I agree, use your surname. Put his in there as a second middle name. As Kewcumber says.

SO many people on MN report that they regret giving their child the surname of a non-resident Dad.

[mathanxiety]

Use your surname. Do not compromise on this. You can register the baby yourself, and you don't even need him on the birth cert. Using his surname would cause endless difficulties, and would also make it easier for him to abduct her.

Nahla Elizabeth Brown sounds fine to me. Tell him you are being very generous and using Atinuke as second middle name after Elizabeth if you end up doing this.

You are going to have to do a lot of standing up to this man by the sound of things, as the years go on. Do not seek to demonstrate to him that you are willing to compromise. He will walk all over you. Instead, try to take back control and show him you are the boss. If he keeps on campaigning for his version of compromise (LOL) tell him you are sorry he feels that way but your mind is made up. Don't continue to argue with him. Keep on saying your mind is made up.

I think the bullying is central to this and I think the name is incidental -- it's just something handy he can use to make himself feel powerful by kicking the OP around with it. There will be other parenting choices he will try to get his own way with too. So practice now OP, with the sort of wording that says 'I am in charge'.

I would not use his surname at all.

[VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon]

Don't give her his surname - you're not with him, you and your other kids are all Brown, that's a no brainer. He can either choose an African first name or use his mum's name as a middle name I would say. Certainly don't let him choose al the names!

[AyeAmarok]

Nalah Elizabeth Atinuke Brown.

Go with that. Don't be railroaded by an ex into giving your DD his surname, give her your surname (and the fact that it will match her brothers is a happy coincidence).

You're not married. I assume you'll be the resident paren, so definitely your name.

I think if you were feeling very generous, you could consider adding his surname as an additional middle name, but definitely your surname.

[ICJump]

What about virtue names grace, hope, honour. Or primrose I don't know if it's African but the only primrose I know was African